Why Going From Ex-lover to BFF is Impossible

Let me start off by saying it's not always easy to detect tone in a blog post. I want y'all to read this with the best impression of a blunt bitch you can muster up. K? 

Moving on. . .

Can you be friends with your ex? Some of y'all say yes. I say HELL NAW. Why would you want to be friends with your ex? I'm ACTUALLY friends with ZERO of my exes. We don't hate each other, we're just not friends. It will stay that way.

Pause. This is a perfect time to address the loose application of the friend label. Everyone is NOT your friend. Some people are merely associates who don't even wanna BE your friend. I suggest all of you take some time and figure out who your friends are. If you think you have more than 5-6 TRUE friends, you're wrong.

Back to my point.

I learned about this "Ex-lover to BFF" pipeline while having one of those "pretend you care about their business outside of work" convos with a co-worker. My co-worker made the  convo awkward after she said "Oh my BF and me broke up. We're still friends, tho." I had been practicing my "that's the craziest shit I've ever heard" face and I got to use it on her. I had to hide my excitement. I like when I get to use my new faces. She explained how he wanted to move on, but she didn't. She put in her friend request & he accepted. 

I interrupted her with a stern "I.am.judging.you." 

I hear you screaming asking how did that happen? Well duh! He says, "I don't want to be with you anymore" and she responds "Ok. Let's be BFFs then!" and he agrees. That doesn't even make sense. Of course, in most breakups there is one person who wants to breakup more than the other. Staying "friends" is a pitiful effort to stay connected. Grow some balls and make a clean cutaway. Dragging on a friendship can make a breakup worse. The person who didn't wanna break-up is forced to pretend he/she isn't bitter and the person who did finds it awkward to move on. 

Here's one thing: I don't trust a man over 25 who is still stockpiling friends with coochies. I don't have time to make new male friends. I don't want new male friends. I have enough dick in my circle. I don't trust newly formed platonic friendships between people who have made each other climax.

Riddle me this: What kinda friends are y'all gonna be? The kinda friends where you get invited to each other's weddings? The kinda friends that get invited to intimate birthday dinners? The kind that spend Thanksgiving together? Phuck that!

The only kinda friend you can be with your ex is the kind you end up drunk texting for ex-sex on a Saturday night. Youz a simple bitch if you believe anything else. 

Here's another thing: Women tend to suggest that the two of you remain friends after a breakup. Men do it too, tho. Unless he/she tried to kill you, being friends after a breakup doesn't sound like a horrible idea. Until it is. Until you find yourself acting on the simmering passion and having sweaty "for old time's sake" sex. No bueno. 

Give me ONE good reason why the guy you have known for less than a year deserves to be your bff? 
Why are y'all keeping in touch?

What was so GREAT about your relationship that you two don't work as a couple, but you work as friends?

What will they add to your life that you cannot get from someone else?

Can you trust his/her relationship advice? Naw.

Can you tell 'em about your relationship problems? Naw.

Here's one last thing: Staying close friends with your ex encourages co-dependency. It hinders your healing. You can't really move on when the person who reminds you of your pain is always around. Maybe it's the jealous scorpio in me, but I wanna wish you the best bro...from AFAR. We don't need to be friends. Besides, I know the most I'll get from being your friend is one night of "one last time" sex and I don't want that. I'll be ok if I never connect with you again. Am I wrong for that? I'll be that. 

Remember you teach people how to treat you. Staying emotionally connected to someone who has broken your heart shows them hurting you didn't have any consequences.  That's my time. 

So whadya think? Is it impossible for exes to be friends? Remember you can be honest cuz Raine don't judge. 

Twitter: @LegallyRatchet1

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Email: TalentedGeneration@gmail.com