Cookout 101: Rules to live by when you decide to cook outside in the summer

Memorial Day has come and gone which means Summer and its unbearable heats waves is upon us. Don't believe me? Step outside. 


Welcome back. 
I knew you wouldn't last long out there. 


Summer means different things for different people. Yada Yada. U knew that right?! Well don't rain on my parade just yet. I have a few things to say so bear with me. For some it may mean you finally get to splurge on that vacay you have been planning all year and for others it means a break from school and the opportunity to gain practical work experience. Still for others, summer represents an opportunity to collect plates of delicious food at a gathering most refer to as a bar-b-que. For those unfamiliar with this practice, a bar-b-que is a familial event during which people who enjoy each other's company gather together and break bread. You are also likely to find self-proclaimed "grill masters" and people who are serious about making great tasting food. At any given time at said event you will hear music, infectious laughter and (if you have friends who feel comfortable around you) discussions of otherwise forbidden topics of religion and politics.


Without further adieu I give you cook out rules for members of the Talented Generation and our friends. Don't look at me crazy because I call it a cookout and not a bar-b-que. I'm a Southern Belle. Its what we do.


20. IF you arrived empty handed & have NOT contributed in any way don't u DARE complain! There is nothing more annoying to someone who has everything to say about everything but hasn't contributed to making the event better. If you are that person, keep your opinions about the shortcomings of the event to yourself. When our cookouts were more like potlucks, my family told everyone "you eat what you bring so if you bring plates, you eat plates (I had an aunt who would ALWAYS volunteer to bring the cheapest thing like cups or eating utensils)"


19. If your cookout is supposed to start at 4pm dont tell your guests at 4:30pm "Thanks for coming but the meat wont be ready until 5:30." If you didn't tell people it would be a vegan bar-b-que, it is best to have the meat ready when the carnivores arrive. This is especially true if you are the one grilling and I see you eating. 


18. If you plan on matching your boo. Keep the colors simple. We dont need TWO PEOPLE in tangerine orange and seafoam green plaid. If you are 1/2 of the couple that loves to dress alike whenever the 2 of you will be seen in public, understand that some color combos are off limits. It hurts my eyes to see too many neon bright colors and we don't need to see two of you. 


17. Don't arrive 1st & park in the driveway 1st knowing u have to leave early. NOW everybody who arrived after you and parked behind you has to rush to "let you out." Its not our fault you have to leave early. If you are one of the people who arrives a little early to make yourself feel better for leaving early, park on the street so you can make a clean break. Don't inconvenience other people. This leads me to...


16. Make sure you have adequate parking space! Don't invite 50 ppl knowing u have parking for 5 cars & anyone else will be outta luck. Also, don't tell people to park on your neighbors driveway without ur neighbors permission! AND if you live in an area where all you have available is metered parking, please tell your guests so they can plan accordingly. 


15. If ur cookout is also a potluck, please understand YOU are responsible for the fundamentals. If Uncle Luke forgets the meat what are your guests going to eat? At least plan to make one "staple" food. If aunt Lisa doesn't bring any drinks what are your guests going to drink? At the very least you should have water one type of soft drink. 


14. Be honest about the food. If you know you made your signature dish & the taste is a LITTLE off, let us know! Its ok if your signature dish didn't come out as expected. Its NOT ok for you not to tell folks about ur salty rice or that this is the 1st time you made the dish a new way. Anecdote: I made a homemade banana pudding once and I put it in the oven because we ran out of aluminum foil. I didn't realize the oven was on and the pudding was heated. Since I know most people like their pudding COLD, I told everyone before I handed over the serving spoon. Everyone was understanding and it was a success.


13. If you know the festivities are outside, please use your extra strength deodorant. We are family but nobody likes smelly people. If you start to smell less than fresh and feel less than clean excuse yourself and freshen up. Don't torture people with your B.O. 


12. If you are the host of the cookout, be mindful of who you invite! You know aunt Angie and Uncle Eddie got divorced last year and you need to know if either of them plan on bringing their new boo-thang. You should also find out who is having drama with who so you can do your best to keep them away from each other. Nothing ruins a good vibe like a nasty argument. 


11. DON'T be afraid to tell someone if they have something in their teeth! Don't act like u dont see that cracked pepper! Few things are more embarrassing than having a 1/2 hour long conversation with a group of people and then discovering that no one had the gonads to stop and tell you to remove the cracked pepper nudged between your two front teeth. It takes a split second to correct the issue. 


10. DON'T be the last person there and the first person to get a second plate. Have some dignity! *giggles* I understand most people go to cookouts with the intent to eat and for some of you that means you will save your stomach space by skipping meals. It is ok to get second helpings, but if you arrived just in time to hear the announcement for everyone to form a line take a breather.  


9. Don't be ashamed to be the 1st person in line for your plate. People will respect you for that. No one wants to seem like they are too greedy so there is a race to be SECOND in line. People respect you for owning your hunger and not being ashamed to admit it. Me? I'm judging you though. *giggles*


8. INFORM your family if you plan to bring your new boo thang to the cookout. Failing to do so will result in blank stares. Dont be offended if you are the new boo & people compare you to the old boo. If you know your family is critical of new people, warn your new boo-thang and give your family notice that it will be you +1. If you are the new boo, you better come with your A game!! Don't wear all white and shy away from the food. We are not impressed by Miss "I'm not that hungry" and we also don't believe your shy act. You need more people. 


7. KNOW the hosting limits of your living space. If your AC is broken or if your toilet runs, please tell ppl BEFORE they get there. Make sure you have adequate seating too. It is rude to invite 30 people to your home knowing all you have is a 2 love seats & a rocking chair. It is also rude to invite people to your home in 96 degree heat and humidity when your AC is broken. 


6. NEVER insist on making a dish. If people wanted it they would ask you to make it. Your Ramen Noodles & boiled eggs dish is NASTY. That special way you make macaroni salad? Its nasty but since you seem to enjoy making it people continue to allow you to make it. NEWSFLASH you are forcing your specialty dish on people and it has to stop. *giggles* 


5. Don't be an annoying picky eater. Nobody likes Mr. "I only eat minced onions on my burgers" or Miss "I dont like it when my food touches." If you are an insanely picky eater, bring your own food! If you want your food made a certain way, make it yourself. Cookouts are for the masses. If you gave up the swine to wage a one man war against all things piggy related, dont ask swine lovers to compromise how they prepare their food. 


4. Don't make everyone sit in the main room to watch your 23 inch tv. Dont be lazy! Put the "big" tv in the main room. Although most cookouts start outside, studies have shown people feel better about their actions when they feel they had a real choice. There are always guests who prefer to have a choice between sitting outside and sitting inside. For those in the latter group, put your biggest tv in the main room. If your biggest tv is 23 inches, I don't know what to tell ya. 


3. If u are an aspiring "musician" u must get a majority vote before putting your demo in the cd player. All I wanna say is you can bring your CD or demo tape, but without a majority vote don't turn off my playlist in favor of your "different" music.


2. If you are a grown man who cant open a beer bottle u need to drink your beer from a can. No one wants to watch you struggle just to have a cold one.  


1. We're family here right? Good! If your family arrives to the cookout starving & NOBODY touches the dish you made, dont make it again.


Bonus:  Do NOT bring your unruly kids and leave them in the hands of unsuspecting guests. No one likes to babysit disrespectful children and their terrible behavior has never been cute or funny. If they break a vase, you are responsible for replacing it. If you are gone for longer than an hour, you may return to find a Child Protective Services abandonment investigation. 


Did I miss any rules? 

TIP of the Month: Build a powerful & effective network

Every month on the first Tuesday (this is ample time to get over the Monday blues) you will find the TIP of the month. We do our best to pass on valuable info and the tip of the month is another extension of our mission  to take over the world.

This month (among other things) I challenge you to expand your network and make more meaningful connections. Focus some of your attention on building your network.


 Imagine that your network looks like the photo above except with people. It is a system of connections or contacts that are arranged such that members interact, exchange ideas, and maintain an association with each other. You are the nucleus and everyone else is connected by their association with you. Great things happen when you surround yourself with great people.

The contacts in a successful network have diverse backgrounds and have the ability to contribute resources and ideas. It may sound fanatical, but every conversation you have is a potential opportunity to add a valuable person to your network. Every person can add value. Such value does not only involve the potential to make you more money, it also encompasses the potential to become an asset to your success. In turn, inaugurating new people into your network begets an opportunity for them to add valuable people from their network to yours. 

Every person has the potential to contribute to your goals. It is simply a matter of making the right connection at the right time. Time and again, you will accomplish things because of who you know, not what you know. Your chances for a promotion are increased if you have networked with executives who are willing to advocate for you in the board room. Your chances for getting a job increase each time you network with someone from human resources. There is value in postal workers who will ensure your mail is delivered on time. There is value in a friend at the airport who can give you great deals on flights. A co-worker who can recommend the best places to take a vacation is also valuable. Your neighbor has value because they can collect your mail and water your lawn while you are on an extended vacation. 


Set up your network with college roommates, fraternity brothers, sorority sisters, garbage men, janitors, hotel employees, librarians, IT personnel, tutors, airport employees, bus drivers, airplane passengers, mechanics, web developers, your cosmetologist and the guy sitting next to you on the train. It takes all kinds of people to make the world go around, and a smart person has all kinds of people in their network. Any one of them could introduce you to your best and biggest client. Do not denigrate someone because of their profession, embrace what they do and treat them with dignity and respect.  There are six degrees separating every person.  Striving to make a positive impression on everyone will ensure that you remain connected with the best people.  For tips on developing your networking skills, please see the tips that follow.


Breathe and Relax. Remember the experience is what you make it. Summon the strength of your thoughts and make use of the concept of mind over matter. If you think it will be a positive experience, that is what it will be. The inverse is also true. If at any point you become overwhelmed, excuse yourself for a few minutes. Take a few deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. Count backwards from 10. Imagine everyone in chicken suits. Play a quick game on your phone. Sing your favorite song. Meditate. Wash your face with cold water. Do whatever works for you. If aren’t sure how you relieve stress, try a few things and see what works.


Smile. Leave any negative parts of your day behind and wear a smile. Keep your voice upbeat and your outlook positive. It will make you feel better about yourself and will give the impression that you are confident. People want to associate with positive people; a smile is a good way to present a positive attitude. 


Be honest. If the conversation turns to a topic you are not familiar with, be honest and admit it. You will be respected for your honesty. Do not attempt to discuss or debate a topic you know nothing about, it will diminish your credibility. Acknowledging that you are unfamiliar with the topic may prompt others to share their knowledge with you. Also, if there is a topic you do not feel comfortable discussing, respectfully decline to discuss it. If you want to give a compliment, it should be sincere. A fake compliment is easy to detect.  Honesty is always the best policy.


Consume alcoholic beverages in moderation. If alcoholic beverages are served, you should be proactive about controlling your consumption. Open bar does not mean empty the bar. The liquid libations may be plentiful, but carefully monitor your intake to ensure that you do not become inebriated. You want to steer clear of a reputation as a person who cannot control themselves. Drink responsibly. 


Be yourself.  Always stay true to who you are. No one else can do a better job of being you. Do not become a cheap copy of someone else; you may lose your true self in the process. Besides you don't want to pretend to be someone else and then forget who you pretended to be, that is a recipe for disaster. Its easier to remember if you're always yourself. Embrace your diversity and your flaws such that you can use them to your advantage. Your unique qualities are what will help you to stand out, let them shine. Remain positive about all of your qualities and let them shine through. 


Remember practice makes perfect! Practice building rapport with random people (i.e.the security guards in your building, people in the elevator, the girl next to you on the treadmill, the people in the computer lab, customer service representatives and your classmates). It may seem awkward at first, but you will slowly improve your communication skills and it will become easier to spark conversations with complete strangers. Once you are comfortable with starting random conversations, networking will become more leisure and less work. You will learn which questions work for you and you will weed out the ones that don't. 

Hit the ground running!