Diary of a [TIRED] blogger

Dear Diary,

At this moment I am, once again, exhausted. I know you are wondering why this continues to happen  to me and you are not alone. I recognize that this is a product of the stress of an upcoming graduation (and a number of family members coming to visit for the 1st time) as well as the intimidating loom of bar prep this summer on top of daily issues. After a convo with a great friend during which I complained about being tired, said friend pointed out that I am involved in a lot of things. Said friend also mentioned how astounded they are they I manage to handle all of it and make it look easy. Further, I am reminded that my body is on the verge of forcing me to slow down since I insist on going full steam ahead 7 days/week and giving everything 110%. That convo prompted me to sit down and think about all the things I have going on right now. Check out the 7 day breakdown of my schedule:

Monday
9am-5:15pm Internship
6-8:30 pm-Class
9pm-12am Debate Practice

Tuesday
8am-12pm Graduate Assistant Office Duties
1pm-5:15pm Internship
9pm-12am Debate Practice

Wednesday
8am-12pm Graduate Assistant Office Duties
1pm-5pm Internship
6pm-8:30pm Class
9pm-12am Debate Practice

Thursday
8am-12pm Graduate Assistant Office Duties
1-1:30pm Staff Meeting
2-3pm Rep duties for a bar prep company
4-6pm Class
9pm-12am Debate Practice

Friday
1:30-4pm Class
9pm-12am Debate Practice

Saturday
3pm-8pm Work

Sunday
10am-4pm Work
6pm-10pm Debate Practice

Since I returned from my vacation is has been a struggle to get focused again. I have mentioned this before but I lit'rally let go of everything while I was away. I completed all of my school assignments before I left and delegated other duties. When I returned everything was pretty much in place and I spent time tying up loose ends. I grew angry and frustrated when I realized some people were dropping the ball but I got over it.

At this point, I am starting to think I MIGHT have too much on my plate. I started doing all of the things I do for strategic reasons. I work at a retail store that sells my favorite suits so I can get discounts of up to 70% off of suits that I will need once I start working. I took on the grad assistant position to cover my tuition and room and board. I took on the rep position with the bar prep company so I could save money on course fees. I could spit out numbers like $3425, the amount I am saving on my bar prep course; or $25, 916 the amount I did NOT have to pay in tuition; or $10,200, the amount I DID NOT have to pay for my room & board for the past 2 years; or $10,000, the amount I earned in merit scholarships; or  $132,000, the amount I expected to be in debt after law school but I am nowhere near that amount.  Despite all the benefits, something has to give. I NEED to REST. I dont mean the kind of rest you get when you get 8 hours of sleep. I mean I need to take a few days off and clear my mind so that I can feel relaxed. I need to get out of my tiny room and leave my laptop and books behind for a mind-freeing experience. Basically, I yearn to be a kid again. I just had one of those moments where you realize just how easy kids have it. Ever had one? Oh thats just me? Oh ok.

Sometimes the hardest part about keeping my blog updated is coming up with something post. I started out posting more often and then there are times when my internet goes down or I am under the weather and I know it has an effect on my readership. That genuinely bothers me. After I launched HUSL Today, I became emotionally invested in watching it grow to its full potential. I feel bad knowing it could be so much more but I dont invest the time to see it happen. I had the vision that HUSL Today would become "the premiere information source for Young Professionals." I am not saying it is not still possible, but as more time passes I get more discouraged. I thought I would post several things a day about everything Young Professionals should know about ranging from A-Z. As many of you know, it hasn't happened like that. Just by the numbers, last year in March I had 55 posts; this year the number sits at 16. I keep trying to find ways to be creative and continue to post but each day brings a new challenge. I begin to wonder if I should let it go or if I am being tested and I should continue pushing through.  I am one who truly believes you find the time to do the things that really matter to you, but sometimes it is truly a struggle to dig out the time.  I used to post daily salutes for African Americans who have paved the way for people like me and you to live our dreams.Maintaining this blog has become like more of a second job than anything else. It is rewarding to look at the stats and see that HUSL Today has gone international and I thank all of you for continuing to check in. It is rewarding when I meet people who read my work.  Despite this, there are days when I am completely drained and I just. can't. do. it. Unfortunately, today is one of those days. I am still working out how I am going to handle managing HUSL Today during my bar prep journey. I am considering turning it into a bar prep diary as if there aren't enough of those around. At this point, I think I am more confused than anything and that is one feeling I do not embrace. Until next time,

Raine ;-)

In the mean time, check my Dougie.