Face Facts: 20 things People 25+ Are OFFICIALLY Too Old For. . .

"Growing old is mandatory. Growing UP is an option." 
Nobody knows who said it, but I'm jealous of the motherfucker who made it famous. That coulda been me. 

Ever been in a situation where you thought, "I'm too old for this?" Well I had a whole conversation full of those moments a few days ago when I had a chance to catch up with one of my old homies from Florida. For the sake of protecting her identity, we're gonna call my homie Jane. Jane is 27 years old and likes to go to different cities just to party. 
Jane: Hey girl whatchu doin?
Me: Movin nekkid pics of guys to a separate folder on my phone.
Jane: *giggles* You still crazy. Girl you comin home for the Orlando Classic?
Me: You got me twisted with somebody else. I'm too old to be goin outta my way to make to the Classic. 
Jane: What you mean you're too old? Girl you're not even  30 yet. I know mad n*ggas over 30 still goin to the Classic.
Me: I've been goin to the classic since I was 16. That's almost 11 years of goin to the same shit & pretending like it's not the same shit. Them 30 year olds just plottin on college freshman anyway. 
Jane: Oh. So does that mean you aint comin?
Me: *blank stare* Nah. Imma sit this one out. 
Jane: Just because you're gettin older doesn't mean you can't go out and have a good time. Girl you better live yo life before you have kids and start regretting what you didn't do.
Me: Oh.  Don't let people sell you that "You're NEVER too old for (insert activity here)" dream because sometimes you ARE! Being over 25 means you're old enough to know better, but young enough to still wanna get reckless. While society says it's time to "grow up," the desire to do reckless things is still so real. 

I'm here to help you sort out some things you should no longer be doing. If you're over 25, you're officially to old to do the following 20 things. . . 

20. Getting Sloppy Drunk. Sure it's fun to get to the point where you don't remember the night before, but do you think your friends enjoyed having to carry you out to the car?

19. Being Unprepared for Overnight Visits. Nothin wrong with taking an overnight bag. It can be the difference between a walk of shame and a stroll of glory. 

18. Being Immature About Menstruation. If your girl needs you to buy her tampons, man up and do it. You're too old to act grossed out when a woman mentions menstruation. 

17. Baby-Talk. Baby talking may work in certain situations, but for the most part it's time to give it up. 
16. Crushing on Young Hearthrobs. You had JTT growing up, let the kids have the Jonas Brothers and Lil Romeo. 
15. Showing Your Underwear. Pull your pants up. No one is impressed by your Polo drawz. 

14. Obsessing About Cartoon Characters. Stop buying up all the the Mickey Mouse and Winnie the Pooh merchandise and let the kids have it. Exception: Hello Kitty. 

13. Holding High School Grudges. How have you managed to remember not to like people you haven't seen since 2004?

12. Taking Love Advice From Strangers. Carrie Bradshaw is not real. Stop trying to imitate her life.  

11. Buying into Disney's Fairytales. We all bought into the dream. It's time to accept reality. You're not a Princess. Prince Charming doesn't exist. Get over it & learn to date like an adult. 
10. Partying with 18 year olds. You're too damned old to be tryna vibe in a club for the 18 and older crowd. Go to a 21+ club and party with people your own age. 
9. Public Altercations. I just don't have the energy for 'em. Don't raise your voice in public. Don't clap in between your words. You look dumb. 

8. Wearing Body Sprays. Fellas, stop covering yourself in TAG. Ladies, stop soakin in LoveSpell. Get some real ass perfumes and colognes. 

7. Bragging About High School. So what cuz you won a spelling bee in 10th grade? No one cares that you were one of the "popular" kids. That was 12 years ago. 

6. Wearing Crazy Jeans. This includes all those jeans with more rips than actual denim, running dogs, fire breathing dragons, skulls and crossbones and everything in between. Classic jeans are your BFF. 

5. Sex in the Car. Sex in the car is for people 25 and under who live at home with strictly religious parents. Just get head while the engine is running or get a room. 

4. 3rd Party Hook-ups. Sending your friends to tell someone you like them is so immature. Grab your gonads and go after the person you want. 

3. Homecoming. If you don't have a degree from a college/university, goin outta your way to make it to their homecoming it just doin TOO much. This is especially true for people who went to HBCUs. 

2. Being Ashamed About Masturbating. It is a healthy sexual activity. Become a proud owner of a vibrator and have some fun!

1. Haters. You're officially too old to be bragging or complaining about "haters." Just accept that some people don't like yo ass. Keepin it all the way real, you aint doin much worth hatin on anyway. 

Bonus: To "Stan." I like Bey & Rihanna as much as the next person, but after 25 you can no longer go around proclaiming how much you STAN for anyone or anything. K? 

I'm not here to police your behaviors. I ain't got no worries. Bottom line: If you ever have to question whether you're too old for your lifestyle, chances are...you are. It's time to act your age. Did I hurt your feelings? It was necessary. 

Twitter: @LegallyRatchet1

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