It Must Be The Shoes: 8 Reasons Jordan Fanatics Aren't Your Problem

Every year around Christmas the Jordan brand releases a limited release sneaker. Every year the pandemonium around copping (or buying) said sneaker gets more ridiculous.  If you find the shoe desirable your options for copping are as follows: 
1) Standing in Line
2) Using a Sneaker Broker
3) Having a Reliable Sneaker Connect
4) Camping Out
5) Buying Them Online (the servers of the top stores usually crash)

I'm fed up. 

When I was growing up I wore all kinds of sneakers from Skechers to LA Gears to KSwiss to Jordans and everything in between. I was fresh as hell too. The most popular shoes varied each year but I remember pressing my parents for Grant Hill's, Ken Griffeys, Deion's, Scottie Pippens and Jordan's. When I got a pair of Jordan's my dad and I would go to the mall on or after the release day. There were no lines. We didn't need a special relationship with the store owner or store manager.  I tried the shoes on, he paid for them and we carried on about our day. 

Something has changed. 

What's happened recently is the Jordan brand limited releases have become a spectacle. Demand often far exceeds supply and it creates a marketplace where people go to extremes to get their hands on a pair. There are people called "sneaker brokers" who make claims to guarantee customers a pair for a fee. (See pic below).

While some Jordan's are quietly released and there isn't much hype about them, many Jordan retro releases cause people act irrationally. As I type this on Wednesday  there are people camping out pending the release of the Air Jordan 11 Retro "Legends Blue" on Saturday. Never mind that people camp out for iPhones or video games the framing of the stories about people who camp out feels different. The Jordan campers are absurd. They must not vote. They're not mentors or pillars of the community. They must not have jobs. Their priorities are mixed up. 


Full Disclosure: My 7 month old daughter has 10+ pairs of Jordans and over 30 pairs of shoes. I'm not bragging I just want you to have an idea who this is coming from. We buy for her not because we want to impress other adults (I could NOT care less what other adults think of what she's wearing. I'm her primary stylist and I style her and create custom pieces for her because of what I like her to have.), but we buy them because we want her to have them. We don't buy every pair, but if we get a pair she gets a pair too. She also has an investment account, savings accounts, and a college savings plan so judge ya mama.

For those unfamiliar with the sneaker game, in terms of serious sneaker consumers the players are "sneakerheads," "hypebeasts" & "sneaker brokers." Sneakerheads are people who collect sneakers for no other reason than they consider certain sneakers collectible items. They take special care of their sneakers. They preserve their sneakers. Keep your judgment about depreciating value. While there are other sneakers or shoes one could buy, Jordan's have maintained dominance amongst classic sneaker lovers. Then there are the "hypebeasts." Ask a sneaker head about a hypebeast if you want to see them get riled up. Hypebeasts are people who only buy shoes for the sole purpose of impressing others. They want bragging rights. They don't care how ugly or stylish the shoes are. They want them because everyone else wants them. Since hypebeasts are usually the flashiest and loudest these are likely the people most think of when they imagine Jordan fanatics. Hypebeasts are hypebeasts and nothing more. 

Not sure if someone is a hypebeast or a legit sneaker head? 
Here's the test: Sneakerheads will do things within reason to get shoes, but understand the game enough not to allow copping the shoes to supersede other priorities. Sneakerheads know there will likely be restocks. Hypebeasts are the ones camping out and paying 4x the retail price just to say they have them. Hypebeasts are also the ones skipping out on bills & meals to get them. 

"They're retro shoes! They're just gonna get released again"

Here are 8 reasons critics of Jordan Fanatics need to play the quiet game:

8. It's not YOUR Money to Spend.  Whether it's on a Battery Operated Boyfriend, Mary Jane, Taylor Swift CDs or Retro Jordan's let people spend their money the way they want to spend their money. 

7. Their Reason For Buying Them Is NOT Your Business. 
"They're just buying them to Impress Other People." 
"The children don't know the difference between Jordan's and (insert cheaper shoe)." 
Whether their cousin has a contract with Nike or they're a hype beast that camped out it does not matter. How or why they got the shoes is none of your business. 


6. They're Not Hurting YOU. When you see a person wearing Jordan's does it hurt you? When you drive by the mall and see people standing in line for a chance to buy them does that impact your world? If the answer is no it's time for you to reflect on why you're so mad.

5. All Jordan Fanatics Are NOT the same. We are lawyers, doctors, engineers, writers, and dentists. We are athletes, entrepreneurs and blue collar workers with undeniable work ethics. Just like any other clusters there are a few ignorant people in the bunch making the rest of us look bad. They're the ones blaming the shoes for their choice to go out robbing, fighting, destroying property and harming others. For the most part we just wanna buy our shoes and go about our business. 

4. Worry About Yourself. Don't you have a 401(k) to brag about? A car that needs an oil change? A credit card bill that needs paying? A drink to drank? Stop worrying about how other people live their lives or how they're managing to do so much. Live & let live!

3. You're Focusing Too Much On Someone Else. 
"They can afford Jordans, but their kids don't have college funds?"
"She bought Jordan's for her whole family, but she doesn't work" 
"They're buying Jordan's, but they don't own their home"
I know social media makes it hard for us to mind our own business, but more people should try it. Shift your focus and figure out how to make your own life better.

2. Their Priorities are NOT Yours to Make. What's it to YOU if it looks like their priorities are messed up? Why does it bother you so much what someone else chooses to do with their money? So what because someone is buying Jordan's but doesn't have a car?? Yes. I said it. SO WHAT?! If they're ok with getting on the bus wearing $200 sneakers why can't you be ok with them doing it? You can't want more for someone than they want for themselves. It's not your job to do the math of how much it would cost them to own a car vs buying Jordan's once a month. Let them be fresh as hell on the city bus. Less traffic for the rest of us. 

1. You're no Better Because You Think You Know Better. Just as Jordan fanatics are not horrible people for buying the shoes, the people who choose not to buy them are no better. Be Clear: Jordan fanatics are not better people, parents, children, aunts or uncles because they buy Air Jordan's. They are no less of the same for choosing to do so. If you want to enlighten people about corporate practices that is one thing, but to make comments because you think you're better than them for never having purchased or owned a pair is another. 

Everything is not meant for everyone to understand. I don't understand why people book layovers on domestic flights. I also don't understand why I wasn't in Beyonce's 7/11 video, but I still manage. 

Before ya go criticizing me and telling me how Jordan doesn't care about the black community or how he hasn't done anything to uplift the black community. . .these notions are not new to me. I think the obsession with the shoes has gotten out of hand. I also think the obsession with many things has gotten out of hand. Look around. We're living in a time where people make decisions based on Instagram likes. There's so much more things we could pick battles about. They're JUST shoes y'all. 

Micheal Jordan is still the greatest basketball player of all time. 

Peace. 

Face Facts: 20 things People 25+ Are OFFICIALLY Too Old For. . .

"Growing old is mandatory. Growing UP is an option." 
Nobody knows who said it, but I'm jealous of the motherfucker who made it famous. That coulda been me. 

Ever been in a situation where you thought, "I'm too old for this?" Well I had a whole conversation full of those moments a few days ago when I had a chance to catch up with one of my old homies from Florida. For the sake of protecting her identity, we're gonna call my homie Jane. Jane is 27 years old and likes to go to different cities just to party. 
Jane: Hey girl whatchu doin?
Me: Movin nekkid pics of guys to a separate folder on my phone.
Jane: *giggles* You still crazy. Girl you comin home for the Orlando Classic?
Me: You got me twisted with somebody else. I'm too old to be goin outta my way to make to the Classic. 
Jane: What you mean you're too old? Girl you're not even  30 yet. I know mad n*ggas over 30 still goin to the Classic.
Me: I've been goin to the classic since I was 16. That's almost 11 years of goin to the same shit & pretending like it's not the same shit. Them 30 year olds just plottin on college freshman anyway. 
Jane: Oh. So does that mean you aint comin?
Me: *blank stare* Nah. Imma sit this one out. 
Jane: Just because you're gettin older doesn't mean you can't go out and have a good time. Girl you better live yo life before you have kids and start regretting what you didn't do.
Me: Oh.  Don't let people sell you that "You're NEVER too old for (insert activity here)" dream because sometimes you ARE! Being over 25 means you're old enough to know better, but young enough to still wanna get reckless. While society says it's time to "grow up," the desire to do reckless things is still so real. 

I'm here to help you sort out some things you should no longer be doing. If you're over 25, you're officially to old to do the following 20 things. . . 

20. Getting Sloppy Drunk. Sure it's fun to get to the point where you don't remember the night before, but do you think your friends enjoyed having to carry you out to the car?

19. Being Unprepared for Overnight Visits. Nothin wrong with taking an overnight bag. It can be the difference between a walk of shame and a stroll of glory. 

18. Being Immature About Menstruation. If your girl needs you to buy her tampons, man up and do it. You're too old to act grossed out when a woman mentions menstruation. 

17. Baby-Talk. Baby talking may work in certain situations, but for the most part it's time to give it up. 
16. Crushing on Young Hearthrobs. You had JTT growing up, let the kids have the Jonas Brothers and Lil Romeo. 
15. Showing Your Underwear. Pull your pants up. No one is impressed by your Polo drawz. 

14. Obsessing About Cartoon Characters. Stop buying up all the the Mickey Mouse and Winnie the Pooh merchandise and let the kids have it. Exception: Hello Kitty. 

13. Holding High School Grudges. How have you managed to remember not to like people you haven't seen since 2004?

12. Taking Love Advice From Strangers. Carrie Bradshaw is not real. Stop trying to imitate her life.  

11. Buying into Disney's Fairytales. We all bought into the dream. It's time to accept reality. You're not a Princess. Prince Charming doesn't exist. Get over it & learn to date like an adult. 
10. Partying with 18 year olds. You're too damned old to be tryna vibe in a club for the 18 and older crowd. Go to a 21+ club and party with people your own age. 
9. Public Altercations. I just don't have the energy for 'em. Don't raise your voice in public. Don't clap in between your words. You look dumb. 

8. Wearing Body Sprays. Fellas, stop covering yourself in TAG. Ladies, stop soakin in LoveSpell. Get some real ass perfumes and colognes. 

7. Bragging About High School. So what cuz you won a spelling bee in 10th grade? No one cares that you were one of the "popular" kids. That was 12 years ago. 

6. Wearing Crazy Jeans. This includes all those jeans with more rips than actual denim, running dogs, fire breathing dragons, skulls and crossbones and everything in between. Classic jeans are your BFF. 

5. Sex in the Car. Sex in the car is for people 25 and under who live at home with strictly religious parents. Just get head while the engine is running or get a room. 

4. 3rd Party Hook-ups. Sending your friends to tell someone you like them is so immature. Grab your gonads and go after the person you want. 

3. Homecoming. If you don't have a degree from a college/university, goin outta your way to make it to their homecoming it just doin TOO much. This is especially true for people who went to HBCUs. 

2. Being Ashamed About Masturbating. It is a healthy sexual activity. Become a proud owner of a vibrator and have some fun!

1. Haters. You're officially too old to be bragging or complaining about "haters." Just accept that some people don't like yo ass. Keepin it all the way real, you aint doin much worth hatin on anyway. 

Bonus: To "Stan." I like Bey & Rihanna as much as the next person, but after 25 you can no longer go around proclaiming how much you STAN for anyone or anything. K? 

I'm not here to police your behaviors. I ain't got no worries. Bottom line: If you ever have to question whether you're too old for your lifestyle, chances are...you are. It's time to act your age. Did I hurt your feelings? It was necessary. 

Twitter: @LegallyRatchet1

Facebook: Talented Generation

Email: TalentedGeneration@gmail.com

7 Habits of People Who "Made it" Outta the Hood

Some of you may not know this about me, but I grew up in the 'hood. Not only did I grow up in the hood, I was a hoodchick. You read that right. I used to be an Air Jordan wearing, long acrylic nail having, bamboo earring rockin, shit talking, namebrand wearing hoodchick. I had hair to my ass and I still wore weave. Judge me all you want. Guess how many fucks I give? That's rhetorical, by the way. 

I'm not talkin about those people who move from a hood in Miami to the hood in Jacksonville where everyone else who moved from Miami lives. I'm not talkin about the people who move from Palm Beach to Atlanta and keep the same mentality and negative behavior patterns they had while they lived in Palm Beach. I'm talkin about a special group of people who have transformed their mindset after growin up with a "hood mentality" and managed to exceed expectations. This one's for you. 

Looking back, I know the difference between me and the other people from my hood was that I decided in elementary school that I was gonna leave. I had made up my mind that spending my life in Belle Glade, FL was not in my best interests. My dreams were bigger than "the Muck" could hold anyway. I won't sugarcoat it and say my hood wasn't horrible because it was. Some people like to say "well my hood wasn't that bad." Sheeeiiiitttt mine was. Thanks to ESPN everyone thinks all we do is hunt rabbits and play football, but there's more to it. My hood was a "football" town with a nasty poverty trap. I saw people get hooked on drugs. I watched my classmates become corner boys. I watched my friends become drama chasing babymamas. I saw my family members go to jail and struggle with drugs and alcohol. I've lost loved ones to gun violence. I have relatives stuck in a cycle of poverty. I go back to visit and sometimes I can't even believe I "made it out." How did it end up an exception?

For those of you who have made it and for those of you looking to take the first step towards leaving, here are the 7 Habits of the People who "Made it" Outta the Hood. . .
7. They're Open-Minded. A closed mind will keep you in the hood. That's not to say stayin in the hood is a bad thing. There IS more to the world than being known around your hood doe. Open your mind and you open yourself up to the opportunity to be great OUTSIDE of your hood. Start with trying the foods you wouldn't normally find in your hood and segue into a whole new world. 

6. They Travel. Get on a plane. Get a passport. Get some stamps in your passport. I'm not talkin about just going to Cancun & to the Bahamas. Act like there are other places you can go. Seeing how other people live in different parts of the USA & beyond gives you motivation to rethink your dream of being hoodrich. Then (and only then) will you realize that aint nothin rich about being hoodrich. 

5. They Take Their Education Seriously. You may see the media telling stories about athletes who went from the hood to hollywood, but that's not the whole story. Don't let the media fool you. For every athlete from my high school struggling to adjust his/her college plans after an injury, there was an "academic" with a full-ride to college. Don't sleep.

4. They're Risk-Takers. In order to leave the hood you have to be prepared to take risks. You have to be willing to apply for the jobs people say you won't get. You have to be willing to move to a place where you won't know anyone. You have to be willing to leave your comfort zone. Take the first step and build a stairwell as you go along. 

3. They Read. Reading IS fundamental. I read that in a book. So much information is in books, magazine articles and websites. You can read mediatakeout, but you should also subscribe to the WallStreetJournal. Strive to learn something new and useful everyday by reading something educational everyday. There's an app for that. 

2. They Appreciate "Both Worlds." People who made it out never really lose their 'hood edge. They appreciate 30 inch rims and custom candy paint while contributing to their 401(k). They have accounts with Mint.com and good credit, but they also like ratchet music. They don't look down on people from the hood, because they were once there. You should be jealous. 

1. Decide to Leave. I polled (secretly) 10 of my friends who "made it out" and every single one of them listed *this* as their first answer. So many people talk about wanting more than the hood life, but they never decide to go after it. People who made it out began with the decision to "get out" and wouldn't take no for an answer. They left for college and jobs. They left behind the people they thought were friends, girlfriends and boyfriends, their family and their comfort zone. The first step is making the decision to leave. 

People raised in the 'hood have a resilience unmatched by anyone else. Fear them. I can say that with sincerity because I am one of them and so are many of my friends. We can look back astonished at how some of our friends and family members (who we thought had more promising futures than us) are bouncing from one hood to another. We remember how they got better grades than us and tested better than us, but now they're entrenched in a 'hood life with thigh tats while we're living our dreams. Don't get it twisted. We love our friends and family, but once you make it out it's hard not to look back and think "Damn it wasn't hard. Why didn't they take the chance I took?" 

Today's post was brought to you by the following. . .

So whadya think? Did you make it outta the hood? How? What is the biggest difference between people who make it out of the hood & people who get stuck? 

Twitter: @LegallyRatchet1

Facebook: Talented Generation

Email: TalentedGeneration@gmail.com

5 Reasons I Blame Single Women For Today's Dating Scene

When it comes to dating, single women are our own worst enemy. You mad? 

A few years ago while driving up for a ski trip, I asked a great friend of mine what was special about his current girlfriend. That's not to say I didn't think she was beautiful inside & out, but in a city like DC  every other woman fits that description. Everyone here has degreeS<---notice this is plural. Everyone here is smart & funny & beautiful & great in bed & a good cook & a tolerable asshole. I wanted to know what helped her stand out. It was clear to me that he was waiting for the perfect time to propose (and they recently got married). 

My friend has always been brutally honest with me. Because of that, I chose to use his perspective as my inspiration for writing this. Essentially, he told me he knew she was special because she held him to a higher standard than the other women. He had women willing to give themselves to him without expectations for anything in return. Deep down he wanted more. He was willing to wait for her. She made him want to be a better man even when he knew he wasn't sh*t. 
That is some powerful sh*t. 
I need y'all to go read that line again. 


I already know what you're thinking: I should spend my time uplifting women & blah blah blah. 
Think til you're blue in the face. 
I'm not bashing women. 
I'm not talking down on women.
I'm not here to pretend certain things don't need to be said.
I can say these things because I am dealing the monsters single women have allowed to be fruitful and multiply.
If you can't handle the truth, I suggest you stop reading NOW. 

Women with standards are under attack. 

*blank stare* 
That's not to say that women should not have standards. By all means, put your pussy on a pedestal. Just saying women with standards are being treated like a problem because women with standards are no longer the norm. SEVERAL men are currently building their careers based on their ability to give single women common sense advice about dating. The men and the advice they give are a problem.

Well ladies, we asked for independence and we got it. We also got ass shots, blonde lacefronts, colored contacts and men who like dumb women. Take the good with the bad. Women are paying for dates AND giving it up on the first time going out. We're outchea losing and it's like we don't even care. I'm concerned. Are your degrees keeping you warm at night? The dating scene seems to be getting worse and it's somebody's fault. 

Let's play the blame game.

After a bit of reflection, I came to the conclusion that single women are to blame. It's our own fault we're dealin with slim pickings. We still get to decide when the relationship goes to the next level. We only fall for what we WANT to fall for. Sure he may be handsome & charming, but we still have the last say so in how far he goes. You could send his handsome & charming ass home with blue balls. Before you throw a hissy fit, I'm not saying men shouldn't be held accountable. We could delve into a discussion on single mothers and the number of households without father figures, but not today. I *AM* saying I think it's time single women are held accountable for their role. Men don't have game like we let them think they do. 

Here are 5 Reasons Single Women are Responsible For Today's Dating Scene: 

5. Good Girls Wanna be Bad. "Good" girls have allowed one fuct up relationship to ruin them. Now they want every guy after him to suffer. Either that or they wanna be the cool girlfriend who is ok with him cheating, not using condoms and expecting coochie AND a BJ on the first date. Instead of being who they are, they're being who they think men want them to be. Making us all look bad. 

4. Bad Girls Pretending to Be Good. Nothin worse than a hoe pretending to be everything BUT a the hoe she is. She's just tryna fool somebody into wifin her. I'm not mad cuz that's the game we're all playing. She's giving good girls a bad name, tho. Beware of the fake classy chicks. Keep ya eyes on the chicks who lack self-awareness. They can't be trusted. 

3. Nice Guys STILL Finish Last. Nice guys have gotten tired of finishing last. The nice guys have become assholes because the assholes are getting all of the attention. They got tired of not gettin ass while sittin on the sidelines watchin low-life guys win. Now we have a league of ordinary assholes who managed to attract extraordinary women.

2. "Playas" STILL Winning. Back in the days it wasn't cool to be a player; now, there are women who will accept a man who tells them he's taken. I'm serious. I've heard it with my own ears! What happens if he has a girlfriend and he tells you about her, but you still agree to deal with him? He wins. Further, other men see it working and they imitate it. We have a nation full of voluntary & informed sidechicks. They say they can get their own man because it sounds good, but they don't believe it. *THAT* is a problem.

1. Lower standards. This is the biggest setback of them all. Some women have forgotten that power is in the P.U.S.S.Y. Chicks be giving up the cow AND the milk for free. Women need to remember everything straight men do, they do it to attract women. They wouldn't want that car, or job or apartment/house if it wouldn't get them the poon. They deny it, but it's true. Folks giving into the pressure because they're afraid to be alone. 

Feel free to put your pussy on a pedestal. Raine won't judge. It all boils down to learning to love yourself and having high self-esteem. Stop looking for a man who doesn't give a damn about you to validate you. Then again, what do I know? I'm single. I'm childless. I'm a Scorpio. I don't be knowin.

So whadya think? Are single women really to blame? Will we ever stop sayin "Men aint sh*t?" Who in the hell left the gate open?

Twitter: @LegallyRatchet1

Facebook: Talented Generation

Email: TalentedGeneration@gmail.com

The Friendzone. . .Aint Nothin Friendly About it!

Before we get started lets make something crystal clear:  Platonic friendships and the friendzone are not one in the same. Platonic friendships are voluntary friendships between two people of the opposite sex. At least one of the people in the friendzone-ship once wanted a relationship, but was turned down and chose to stick around. They chose to be the "nice girl" or "nice guy" and got their nice ass tossed into the friendzone. Their bad. If they had not been turned down, they would be pursuing a romantic connection complete with anniversaries #andshit. Now that they know thats not possible, they gotta be cordial when their friend shows up with a boo-thang and hide their jealousy and frustration. They gotta act like it doesn't bother them when they hear stuff like, "I feel like I can talk to you about anything" as their friend shares stories about all the crappy dates they have been on. They gotta sit there and listen to their friend say stuff like, "I wish I could find someone like you." What part of any of that is friendly? 

What is the friendzone? 
Its the place where chances for genital stimulation and sexual satisfaction go to die. Its the opposite of the "I wanna date you" zone and only crosses over into the "I wanna have sex with you" zone after the resistant party has consumed large amounts of drugs and/or alcohol. Only one of them wakes up and regrets it. People in the friendzone hear phrases like, "I love you like my little sister" or "You're like the brother I never had." Its torture. 

Why the friendzone? 
People are passive aggressive. Instead of being totally honest they would rather be "nice." Friendzoners are some selfish people and they disguise their actions as a desire to spare someone else's feelings. Lies and deceit. Truth is they just want friends of the opposite sex to hang out with. What adult wants that? Friendzoners. They want the two of you to keep spending quality time together, but just not as a couple. *Bazinga* Instead of saying, "I wouldn't have sex with you using someone else's genitals" they prefer to say, "Eh lets just be friends." 
Who friendzones people more? I can't say for sure. All I know is I've friendzoned no less than 20 guys and I have been friendzoned once. Karma is a bitch. If friendzoning were an olympic sport I would sooooo medal. America's national anthem would play as I teared up and posed biting my medal. I would stand and wave on the podium as thousands celebrated my near perfect performance of successfully friendzoning suitors. P&G would do a salute to my mother who would share stories about how I developed my unique technique. Based upon my experience (duh, right?) women friendzone more. Guess what? That ONE time I was unexpectedly friendzoned meant way more than knowing there are 20 people I've friendzoned. I'm still winning tho. Or am I?

You may not understand where I'm coming from if you've never been a friendzonEE. If you've only been a friendzonER, you have a skewed perspective. Don't debate me on this. I can say that because I used to live that life. I used to live thinkin no one would friendzone me. Who the phuck do you think you are to friendzone me? I'm Raine (bitch)! Thats the kinda pep talk I used to give myself! I'm lyin. I still give myself that peptalk. I cuss when I give myself pep talks. Try it. 

Nobody likes to be put in the friendzone. Anyone who tells you that is crazy. People stay in the friendzone trap because we've been sold the dream of falling in love with our best friend. If it don't apply, let it fly. As pitiful as it sounds, people stick around because they hope to be there and to be available when their friend decides to commit. They're hoping their friend will one day wake up and think, "Wow! He/she has been there for me since day one. I'm gonna commit to him/her." How long are you willing to wait around for that to never happen? That friend-in-limbo zone is a miserable place. Don't go there. If someone doesn't think you're worth starting a relationship with, don't stress. Don't fight for someone who doesn't want you to win. Just move on while you still have your dignity. What are you gonna do? FORCE them to change their minds? Don't be silly. Why would you want a relationship where you had to force someone to be in it with you? Do y'all have low self-esteem or are you just ugly? Either way, there is someone out there for everyone. Don't make someone else's happiness and peace of mind more important than your own. If the one you THINK you should be with doesn't feel the same way about you, thats NOT your somebody. Free yourself. Nobody told you it would be easy. 

Just remember, being forced into the friendzone means you get to stick around and watch someone you like fall in love with someone else. Nope. I didn't wanna end it on a light note. 

Oh, to the person who friendzoned me...hi :-)  Cold world. 

. . .But you AINT GOT No Haters Tho!

I can't be the only one who sees a crusty chick sporting drawn on eyebrows that make her look surprised on the innanets talkin about haters. I can't be. I can't be the only one who sees a fraggle rock lookin dude talkin about how he's so tired of haters. Have several seats. Also, I can't be the only one who looks at posts about "haters" and wonders "But who is hating on you?" Don't try to tell me I'm alone here. Lebron James has haters. The 92 Dream Team had haters. President Obama has haters. Gee-zus had haters. You? You just got people who don't like you. Maybe I need some new interweb friends.

"Hi Haters." 
"Haters are my motivators."

"Haters gone hate."

*Posts pic of new car* "This one is for my haters."

"Behind every successful person lies a pack of haters."

"Dear Lord, please forgive my haters." 

"I have my own life to live. I don't have time to worry about haters." 

"Phuck a hater. I'm winning!" 

"Thanks to haters, I'm famous." 

"You haters really need to find something better to do with your life." 

If you're still spending your time posting about haters, youz a basic bitch. Yep I just said that. I meant that. You mad at that? Then I'm talkin to you. Everytime you get something new, you're showing it off for all to see. Maybe its not that people are hating, maybe its just people are annoyed because we can tell you're not used to nice things. People out here with REAL haters are keepin it on the hush while you and your deflated dreams continue to tell us how haters are tryna keep you down. No you fustercluck. Gravity keeps you down. Phuck you for calling me corny. That was funny.  

I'm convinced people are making up haters. Convinced! Made up haters make it seem like you're doing something others think is worthy of "hating." Why are people still even addressing their haters? Why do people still think we care that they think they have haters? Lemme holla at ya for a second. Turn your ear towards my mouth and listen very carefully. NO ONE BELIEVES YOU.

Fill me in here cuz I'm struggling. What about you says "Hate on me?" Lets see. . .

Your Luxury Car. But you financed that thang out 72 months tho.   

Your Social Network Followers. But you got 12,000 followers and not one real friend tho. 

Your Designer Bag. But you got that thang on sale at an outlet. On top of that, you gave mad sloppy top to get a dude to buy it for you.  

Your Cute Spouse. But you gotta give 'em all your money just so they will stick around. 

Your Expensive Shoes. But they're from last season's collection and you had to save up for 'em. 

Your Job/Salary. But you don't even have dental benefits or paid vacation days. You ain't a baller if you make $35k/year. Just thought I'd clear that up. 

Your Physique. But your body is a 10 and your face is a 6. Your 6 pack is one full time job away from being a gut. That phatty of yours is gonna look like cottage cheese in 5 years anyway. Those tig-ol-bitties look like back problems to me. 

Your Life. Oh, people are jealous of your lifestyle? Why? Cuz you go to the clubs in VIP with a few ballers who follow you on twitter? Yea we're ALL jealous of how you drop everything just to be seen on the scene with them.  

If you THOUGHT you had haters before today, lets hold hands as we say goodbye to that lie. Welcome to reality. Your perceptions of yourself are off. You have a Victorian image of yourself and its time to accept who you really are. Hahaha someone said that to me last year and I have been WAITING to use that! 

The NEXT time you see someone YOU know doesn't have haters complaining about "haters" just say "But you AINT GOT no haters tho." Don't forget to put a smiley face behind it. Honeys love smileys. 

Twitter: @LegallyRatchet1

Facebook: Talented Generation

Email: TalentedGeneration@gmail.com