Ratchet Song of the Day: Plies' "100 Years"

Whats in my pawket dawg? 2 points if you know the answer. Today's song is brought to you by false eyelashes, colored contacts and every woman who thinks that combo is ok. Algernod Lanier Washington aka Plies is loved by his fans because of his super ratchet lyrics and ability to rap about things the hood can relate to. In today's song, he captures how it feels to know someone you care about has been sentenced to an extended prison bid. Listen with me. Oh, its NSFW.   

Pretty sure he thought this would be his version of 99 problems as he dropped some valid points about the "system" in there while rapping about scenarios. I'm not gonna tell y'all how Plies is actually an educated and articulate person who doesn't actually talk how he raps. Can't be mad he saw a niche and created a rap persona around that.  Won't even mention how he comes to *MY* shoulder in terms of height. A certain part of me enjoys his music. Its my way of keeping my ear to the streets! Shout out to Ft. Myers! 

Ratchet Song of the Day: Pastor Troy's "Vica Versa"

An introduction for today's song won't do it any justice. Just, listen with me.

Wearing nothing but boxers in a prison cell, rapper Pastor Troy asked a question many of us have pondered ourselves: "What if heaven was hell and vice versa?" He's encouraging us all to question our beliefs. Take a look at what you believe and why you think you're right. What if what you believe in is wrong? What if people got it backwards? Forget about that drama on Judge Alex and appreciate this downsouth soulja for raising our consciousness. While people are up in arms about Meek Mill thanking God for allowing him to engage in debauchery PT said, "For God so loved the world that he blessed the thugs with rocks." That Amen song aint nothin compared to this one.  This song reminds me so much of my undergrad days traveling up and down Florida to party with friends at different schools. In case you can't tell, Pastor Troy is one of my favorite rappers. 

Why Being Black Can Be So Embarrassing

Lately, I've been concentrating on being very specific with the words I use to describe my feelings. 
I'm internalizing what it means to harness the power of my words. Cool story, right?
Its been 6 months since I began that journey and several times in those months I have felt the same thing: embarrassed to be black. 
Did I just say that?
Come a little closer to your screen. 
I meant it. 
The list of times I've been embarrassed isn't a long one. I've been embarrassed while watching 40 year old black women fight on an episode of Basketball Wives and while hearing stories about blacks killing each other over sneakers. I won't even discuss how I feel about our reputation as non-tippers at restaurants.  

I was embarrassed to be black a few months ago when I was the only other black person on a train car filled with others. To me, the other person looked nothing like me but I know others don't differentiate between our different skin tones and hair textures. We all look alike. We're all related. We all know each other. The other black person was cursing loudly and trying to rough up others for spare change. I put on my best "Dont phuck with me face" and sat there wondering, "Omg why does he have to be one of us? Why does he have to look like me?" He started roughing up this older white woman who immediately looked at me like she hoped I could do something to call off my attack dog. I did nothing but say a silent prayer. I told myself it was none of my business. It wasn't. I didn't know that dude, what he was smoking or what he was going thru. I didn't know that white woman either. 


What if I had stepped in to help her and he killed me? Would her family have cared? Would they have reached out to my family with condolences? Would she have even acknowledged how I died trying to help her? Those were the questions running through my head as I imagined the worst case scenario. So, I sat there feeling embarrassed that someone who looked like me was bothering innocent people. And for what? A few nickels. Thats not to say I would have been ok with it if it were a white person doing the same. Its tough to admit but, at that moment, I wished he didn't look like me. 

I saw the criticisms of Gabrielle Douglas' hair and felt embarrassed all over again. Let me start this one by saying I can't believe her hair is even relevant. Gabby Douglas is an amazing individual and a stellar athlete. I can take one look at her smile and tell she has a beautiful spirit. I joke around calling her my cousin because, in some way, I feel responsible for protecting her. I don't want her to be bashed or unnecessarily criticized. I want to step in on her behalf and make sure people shower her with praise. She has worked hard and earned the right to be treated better. This is especially true since there are so many 16 year-olds who lack the poise, dedication and determination about her life direction that Gabby has. This isn't just about defending Gabby Douglas, this is about being aware. 
Being aware that the natural texture of black hair is "nappy."
Being aware that the media has brainwashed so many black women about beauty. 
Being aware that young black girls are watching us for examples. 


I admit seeing her hair and all those clips gave me a little pause, then I caught myself. I sat as thousands of social network updates rolled in criticizing Gabby's hair. Silly me. I didn't realize it was a beauty contest. I thought it was an athletic event. Who were the main culprits? Other black people. Digusting. How do we expect others to respect our struggle when they watch us tear down our own history makers? I bet people criticized Malcolm X's hair and Rosa Parks' wardrobe choices. There is no way this mentality is new to my generation. We picked that habit up from our elders. I thought, "She's an athlete engaging in a sport where she will sweat. How do you fusterclucks expect her to wear her hair?" What makes me sick is how the major media networks picked up the criticisms of her hair while not bothering to hold accountable the different outlets that completely left her out of their main story about the women's gymnastics team.

Black people are so often our own worst enemy. We are not a unified people. It breaks my heart the way we tear each other down. Praising people with fair skin & curly hair while torturing those with more afrocentric features. As I write this post, Gabby Douglas reigns as the world champion of women's gymnastics. Thats not enough for blacks. We have found a way to focus on the wrong thing once again. Nevermind that some of the critics have nice hair because they never exercise. We can't just be happy for her. We can't salute her without a qualifier. WE can't appreciate her gorgeous face. We had to find something wrong with the greatest 16-year-old gymnast in the world: her hair.  


Gabby Douglas is not her hair. If she were 1/2 as concerned about her hair as the rest of y'all she may not be sitting pretty as the FIRST African American female gymnast to win an all-around gold medal. Now, I'm willing to give all of you a pass for criticizing her if you can tell me what you have done with your life? Were you with her flippin the gym? How many frontflip backspring frontflips can YOU do? How close were you to qualifying for an Olympic sport? Do you even have a passport? Still lookin for that pass? FOH. 


Before you go off thinking I don't love myself or my people you couldn't be MORE wrong. I think all black is beautiful. I hate to see my people lost. I love blacks and I love being black, but sometimes blacks are so embarrassing. I wish blacks would shake this crabs in the barrel/"there isn't enough room for all of us to succeed" mentality. Its silly. Some of you may think I shouldn't allow the behaviors of others to affect me. They do. What you gone do 'cept judge me too? 

WATCH THIS: Raising Gabrielle Douglas

P&G put a unique spin on the Olympics as they went behind the scenes with their Raising An Olympian series paying tribute to moms of Olympic athletes. Recently released is the story about Gabrielle Douglas' mom. Fans of Gabby learn about the sacrifice the two ladies made on the road to Olympic Gold. We hear two sides of the story: Natalie Hawkins as a mom and Gabby Douglas as an athlete. Many may not know Gabby moved away from her family in Virginia to Des Moines, Iowa to train. Her mom opens up saying, "Letting go of Gabrielle was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life." Gabby discusses being homesick and the physical sacrifices she made to see her dreams come true. The stories of sacrifice and perseverance is a side of the Olympics rarely spotlighted. Touching series indeed. Watch below. 

I'm an OG (in my head) but I almost shed a tear. I'm so proud of Gabby!!! Congrats again to her and her family! Salute! 

Gabby Douglas makes HISTORY!!!!! & Ratchet Links

Phucky your hatred for a spoiler alert. Black people winning. I lowkey waited for her to win before I chose today's photo. Gabby Douglas just told every media outlet that thought they could ignore her where to shove their shade. Moments ago, she became the first minority woman to win an All-Around Olympic Gold Medal. Yes, that means the First Black President will have a very touching conversation with the first BLACK Woman All-Around Olympic Gold Medalist. Let her teach you how to dougie. 7 hours before her stellar performance Gabby gave all honor and praises to God via twitter. I love my 1st cousin Gabby!!! 

TheyBF-Its gonna be a labor day weekend filled with reality show premieres.


KidFury-Nicki got ratchet in Trinidad for her new video


Bossip-That "Home Alone" kid is on *somethin*


WSHH-Just start callin these men "Lotta Kids."


Complex-25 douchiest bars in DC. I've been to over half of these *sad face*


ColorLines-Salute to Gabby's mom for her sacrifice. 


Meanwhile in London. . .

So thats the move I need to use in order to win a gold medal? I'm gonna go with no thanks.

Discussion: Hoodrats Have Gotten Their Hands on Lacefronts

I had a conversation with my younger sister this past week & it went a little something like this: 


Her: Hey sis. I have an idea for your blog.
Me: Cool. Shoot.
Her: You should do a blog tellin people to stop wearing fake lacefronts.
Me: I'm not doing that. Thats mean. I like to let people live.
Her: No sis, you need to do this. 
Me: There is a such thing as FAKE lacefronts?
Her: Yes. You can buy lacefronts made with human and synthetic hair.
*Uses context clues to determine the synthetic haired lacefronts are the "fake" ones*
Me: So if there are fake ones, why do people wear them?
Her: Because the fake ones are cheap. You can find some pics on Facebook or I'll go out and take some pics for you to post, k?
Me: *Rolls over laughing*
Her: We gotta do somethin about these hoodrats with this ugly hair. 


After that conversation, I did a little digging and realized some of you people (yep, YOU people) are going way too far with this lacefront thing. Bad weaves are one of my pet peeves. For the majority of *MY* life I have avoided the "black women and their hair" convo because it comes off condescending from me. I'm not bragging or tryna justify myself but I must disclose that I have, by many standards of black hair, "good hair." I'm not "natural" because I've never put a relaxer or perm in my hair. Still, those things don't make me any less qualified to help my sistas navigate the struggle.


For those who don't know, a lacefront is a full-headed wig that has a sheer lace base. They are worn by celebs in movies and in their daily lives. Previously, they were reserved for professionals (i.e. theatre, movies, tv) because of the delicate nature of the lace and the need for makeup to cover the front lace.  They range in price from $35-$15,000. Yes you read that right. A "good" lacefront wig is made with Indian Remy or virgin European hair while a "bad" lacefront is made from synthetic fibers. The wigs are popular because the sheer lace base allows for a more natural look. Growing up, I always thought that was the purpose of weaves and wigs: to look natural. With that said. . .hoodrats have gotten their hands on lacefronts. They're now in every flea market, beauty supply store and have even been featured on "The View." 

What about this looks natural? 

OR this? 

OR this? 

Bet money she a 'rat & all her friends gave her compliments.

There is no way that woman has any real friends. Then again, all of her friends probably look just like her. In that case, they all need an ass whooping.  

To be fair, black women aren't the only ones wearing wigs and weaves. If anything, white girls have been wearing them for much longer than black girls. White women were wearing weaves back when we were still destroying couches and pillowcases with curl activator. 

My point? The misuse and abuse of lacefronts by hoodrats needs to be stopped. Sound the alarm. Its an epidemic! Now I know this is fresh on the hindlegs of a black hair debate prompted by Olympic gold medalist Gabby Douglas' hairstyle. Save your speech about blacks setting the stage for showing others how to treat us because I wrote that speech. Anyway, I had a meeting with the fellas this mawnin. We couldn't reach a general consensus about black hair. Some hate weaves and prefer a woman to wear her natural hair while others say they don't care if we wear a weave as long as our hair looks nice. I want every woman to take time to care for her hair. For some of you that means you need to leave that trap and beez yo ass in a salon. Don't spend time gluing down lacefronts and end up doing long term damage to your hair. You could end up looking like this: 

I just did my part. Its a start, right? 

Ratchet Song of The Day-Briscoe's "B*tch I'm ME"

Yes, its another Miami rapper spotlight today. Don't be surprised. Its the music I grew up hearing blaring from the windows of Chevy donks at carshows and football games. I may or may not be a little homesick. What matters now is that the Opa Locka goon gave me the ultimate justification for any behavior people might question "B*tch I'm ME." When this song dropped, it became an anthem for everyone in the 561 area code. Listen with me. Warning: NSFW. 

Don't go off justifying your actions with the phrase "B*tch I'm me. Its all about me" and blame it on me for exposing you to this. I am not responsible. S/o to my Miami boos!!

CONSIDER THIS: 5 People You Shouldn't Live Without

::Singing:: "FRIENDS. How many of us have them? FRIENDS. Ones we can depend on." 2 points if you remember that song. 
How many of y'all have awesome friends who always come thru in the clutch? What have they done for you lately? Were they there for you when you got a flat tire? Were they there to cheer you up after an unexpected breakup? Were they there to support your latest business venture? Were they there to babysit your seed while you went out to twerk it with the youngins? 

I don't have a lot of friends and I am ok with that. What I do have is a group of 5 specific friends I think everyone should have. These are not my only friends and they are not my bffs, but they have all made my life better. Some forms of dependable friends fly under they radar of awesomeness. These 5 people embody *that*. They're undervalued until you need them. If you're saying you don't have dependable friends, I'm here for you boo. Before y'all go off and judge me, read thru the list and think about how many times you WISHED you had *that* friend. 

5. The Club Promoter/Bouncer. I know last week everyone 25+ realized they're too old for clubbing, but what do you do when you DO feel like going out? You're not tryna stand in line or wait forever to get your wing order. Everyone needs a club promoter friend who can get them into a party hassle free (and free). 
How to Make Friends With Them: Be interesting. Don't be shy about starting a convo. You need them to remember you because they tend to be flighty. Find somethin y'all have in common. Make them feel important. If you happen to see them outside of the club acknowledge them. Throw out some bait and see if they catch it. Light pressure. Go to their parties and bring beautiful people with you. Club Promoters are social by nature so all you have to do is find a way to tap into it and make it last. While you're at it make nice with the bartenders too.

4. The Retail Worker. This one is obvious: you want their employee discount. No need to sugarcoat it. When you're looking to build your wardrobe for a new job, retail workers and their discounts of 10%-75% are a valuable asset. 
How to Make Friends With Them: Don't ask for their discount the first time you meet. Shop frequently and always let them help you. Express your loyalty to them. Don't just windowshop. Allow them to build rapport with you. Give them your personal contact information and support their events. Get to know their lives outside of the retail environment. Where are they from? Do they have kids? Are they married? Don't purposely fall off once you think you won't need them anymore. 

3. The Friend with the "Hookup." The friend with the hookup is arguably the most beloved friend in the bunch. Holla if ya hear me. This is not just the wingman hookup, but the person who can get you whatever you need. They are the essence of "refer a friend." Need a yacht for a yacht party? They can make a call. Need a last minute flight and Kayak aint giving you what you need? They got the hookup. Need a deal on a rental car? They got it. 
How to Make Friends With Them: Show them you care about more than what they can do for you. Don't limit your conversations to things they can hook you up with. Do something for them. Don't wait until you need a hookup to reach out.  Remember their birthday. Remember their anniversary. Yes, you should do these things so you feel less guilty when the time comes for you to ask for a hookup. 

2. Someone to Delete Social Media Accounts. Back in the days of hiding porn mags under beds people had at least one friend who knew where they were so they could destroy them in the event of their untimely death. "Don't let my mom find my Playboy stash bro." At present, we should all have at least one person who can delete social media accounts in the event of our untimely death. I'm afraid there aren't enough people who have this friend. 
How to Make Friends With Them: This person should be someone you already know and can trust with current access to your account. Would you rather that or the local news getting their hands on your photos to paint a skewed picture of you?

1. Investors. If you're a dreamchaser, there will come a time in your life when you will need investors. Investors are people willing to give you money for a cause. If that person is you, props to you. If that person is NOT you, its time to make an effort to connect with those people. You may want to start a stock market club or a non-profit organization. Money talks. Money makes everything better. 
How to Make Friends With Them: This one is going to take a lot of effort. You're gonna have to work your way up and through different circles. Go to their fundraisers, teas and socials. The world is small. You gotta be able to blend in with different crowds. Be seen on their scene. Be someone people can trust. Keep your name clean. Make nice with people who know investors and don't mind introducing you. Don't go around dickriding people with money doe. I'm sayin go out & make meaningful connections with people. Don't be creepy.

Stop right there. I know what you're thinkin. It sounds like I'm encouraging people to be "users." That is not the case. You know better. The way to build relationships with each of the 5 people discussed above is to appeal to them on a human level. Find a common ground. Let them get to know you. Make an effort to get to know them. I don't know about y'all, but I am not the person who discounts a friendship with a qualifier. Don't call them things like your "club promoter friend" because thats just rude. If you're expecting them to do things for you, you have to be willing to be a good friend to them.  Well, what are you waiting for? Go out and make some connects! 

USA Women Bring Home Gymnastics GOLD & Ratchet Links

Every black person's play cousin, Gabby Douglas came thru for the Women's gymnastics team and played a major role and helping them crush Russia and bring home the gold. You wouldn't know that by reading the Washington Post's sister paper today. The paper left off Gabby in the photo and failed to mention her name in the article. Should I cry racism now or wait? Was it a coincidence? Did they miss the fact that she scored the most points? Cousin Gabby deserves her props as she has worked hard and she relocated to Iowa train and pursue her dreams. If I hear someone else say somethin else about her hair & I'm gonna SNAP! 


MadameNoire- TG got a shoutout. I'm not the only one who felt old.  
Local News- FSU Law Students got a lil crazy. Somebody got shot.
Instagram- Well I thought it was a mosquito. 
Daily Beast-Is this the next Obama?
Bossip-GLAAD wants same sex couples to kiss inside Chick fil A.
WashingtonPost-8 Badminton players got caught throwing matches. People try to cheat at the Olympics? 
WorldStarHipHop-Well at least Lil B still has fans. 
NYDailyNews-Snoop Dogg got some good ganja, is doing Reggae music and wants to be called Snoop Lion. 
Facebook- God's answer to Nicki Minaj is Beez in the Church.

Ratchet Song of the Day-Gorilla Zoe's "Hood Figga"

Gorilla Zoe is an Atlanta-based rapper many people liken to Young Jeezy. He was originally a member of the group Boyz in the Hood, but he dropped one or two ratchet classics during his stint as a solo artist. He was signed to Bad Boy and we all know where that gets you. For all I know he's still a solo artist but not many are still checking for his music. The original title of the song is "Hood N*gga" but they cleaned up the title (and kept the ratchet lyrics). In this song, Zoe borrows our attention for five minutes to tell us the thoughts of a "Hood N*gga." Listen with me.

For those of you wondering, a hood n*gga is a hustler. He's someone who will do what it takes to make something happen. He has a hustla and he's not afraid to grind. Now, y'all might be reacting like "OMGosh Raine listens to music like this?" I keep tryna tell y'all the streets raised me. I'm a product of my environment. I typed that with a straight face. Some of us are where we are today because of the grind growing up in the 'hood taught us. Its because of people like Gorilla Zoe that we know what every woman really wants: a slow talking, raspy voice having hustla who is all about his pay-pah. Salute to the folks in the Aye.Tee.Elle!!