Rose & Jason: One HELL of a Night (Part 2)

In case you missed it, check part 1 here.

The street lights peeked thru the tiny slits in Rose's blinds.
Rose began to slowly grind on Jason as the sound of heavy breathing and passionate kisses occupied the room.
Jason felt up Rose's dress to release her breasts from the constraints of her bra.
She ignored the possibility that her neighbors might see them.
With one fell swoop, her shirt and bra were on the floor.
She leaned back slightly to allow him to admire her supple breasts, her eyes inviting him to suck on 'em. 
He caressed them before he went straight for her left nipple. 
"You have beautiful breasts."

Rose kissed his neck as he alternated between sucking and nibbling on her perky breasts.
Jason couldn't help but tell her how good her lips felt on his neck.
"Your lips are so soft. They feel amazing."
Rose giggled. "I have another set of lips that feel even better."
Jason's face lit up. He knew exactly what she meant.
The two continued to kiss passionately as Jason unzipped his pants and removed his shirt.

Rose melted as she ran her fingers over his abdomen. 2. . .4. . .6. "Thank you God!" she said to herself. 
Jason looked confidently at his exposed manhood. "Can you handle it?"
"I'm about to find out" Rose answered without hesitation. 
A few more kisses and Rose was on her back.
Jason kissed his way down to Rose's bald cunt.
Rose arched her back and gripped a pillow as he fucked her with his tongue until she surrendered all restraint. 
She pushed him back and began rhythmically bobbing her head on his penis. 
He rubbed his fingers thru her hair and gripped the back of her head. 
Jason moaned as Rose began an oral assault on his penis. 
Her mouth engulfed and deep-throated his 7 inches. 
She spit and slurped on his scrotum and ran her tongue up and down his penis. 
Her hand moved in an up-and-down motion on the shaft, with the head in her mouth. 
"Damn girl" he said as he glanced down. 
Rose smiled. 

He grabbed a condom and strapped up without missing a beat.
He grabbed her ass and she climbed on top. He eased inside of her warm pussy. 
She cupped her hands behind his head and worked her hips in a circular motion feeling his entire penis inside of her. 
Jason leaned his head back and closed his eyes.
He grabbed her hips and moved her in an up-and-down motion.
Both are chasing an impending climax.

He flipped her over and she curved her back to receive him.
She clapped her cheeks as he smacked her ass.
"Fuck me."
He ventured deeper and stroked harder. 
"Your dick feels soo good baby!"
She felt the sting of another smack as his right hand gripped her left shoulder.
"Your pussy is amazing. You're the best!"
"I'm about to cum!" she warned.
He reached around and fondled her clit.
Rose let out a scream as she climaxed. 
She paused for a second and was ready for more.
She turned over to face him.
"My god you're so WET!"
Rose bit her lip and responded, "It's all because of you."  
He leaned down and softly kissed her neck.

Jason closed his eyes and yelled "Aww FUCK!" 
It was clear he wouldn't last much longer. 
He planted his left hand her stomach.
"You bouta come for me babe? I'm comin again."
"Damn yo pussy feels good."
He pounded her until they both climaxed.
The two collapsed with exhaustion.
Rose grabbed a washcloth and 2 bottles of water. 
They locked eyes and appreciated the beauty of their experience together. 
"You're a beast!" Jason proclaimed as he pushed her hair out of her face.
Rose giggled. 
She lay on Jason's chest until the next morning. 
What happened in the shower is another story. 

Whadya think? I hear you wondering whether I think I'm Zane or somebody. I assure you, I don't. 

Danger Zones: How to KEEP IT REAL With a Crazy Motherf*cker

This one is for the fellas who are honest about what they want, but still have issues with women getting dickmatized and forgetting their place. Although he thinks he's being straightforward and communicating clearly, he still found himself in a "situation" with a crazy motherf*cker. I'm here for y'all. 

Let's focus on the women for one second. Let the men tell it, we're ALL crazy motherf*ckers. Let's go with that. Some of us have dealt with so many "aint shit" men that we believe we have to decipher words. Us crazy motherf*ckers believe you're speaking in code. We've tried it before and ended up being manipulated on a technicality. We don't care because you told us you're honest. Our behavior is the fault of your brethren. We have been lied to so much that we don't think we can take your words at face value.  Forget tryna process what you're saying we're busy trying to decipher what you MIGHT mean. I'm serious. For example, even when she says she can handle your honesty what she really means is she's gonna listen and try to find hidden messages. Read that again. 

Sham fucking wow! 

First off, you gotta know who you're dealing with. Women are complex creatures. Crazy motherf*ckers, if you will. I can say that cuz I'm a woman. Don't call her a crazy motherf*cker to her face. You gotta remember you're dealing with a type of human who twerks to Bitches aint shit because she likes the beat. We stuff our feet into uncomfortable shoes and do stuff tryna get CHOSE. We spend thousands getting dangerous surgeries to "enhance" our bodies. We fight over men. We take relationship advice from bitter single women and unfunny comedians. We sew Indian and Brazilian hair to our African scalp and wear colored contacts. Got it? 

Allow me to translate a few of the most popular phrases. Call the State Department. 

1. He says: I’m not ready for a commitment. I just wanna have a  good time. 

He means: You tryna fuck?

She hears: I’m not ready for a commitment RIGHT NOW. I made this decision before I met you. When I see the best of you I will recognize your worth, change my mind & even reject BJs from random women. You can change me if you try.

What he SHOULD Say: I don't want to be your friend. I don't want to be your boyfriend. I just wanna smash. I only want to be around you if we're gonna smash. 

2. He says: I’m too busy for a relationship right now.

He means: I don't WANT to make time for a relationship. I just want some ass. 

She hears: I'm a really important guy so when I make time for you it means you're special. 

What he SHOULD say: My mind is focused on gettin money and gettin ass. I already have a job, so you tryna give me some ass?   

3. He says: I have a girlfriend but I’m not happy. I haven’t left her yet because I don’t know how.

He means: I have a girlfriend but she's holding her vagina for ransom. I’m not going to leave her, but I'm hawny. Now lets go get some bbq and get busy.

She hears: I’m not happy but I’m an honest man because I’m telling you about my girlfriend. Maybe you can help me figure out how to leave my girl and be with you.

What he SHOULD say: I have a girlfriend. I love her. I just wanna slide thru and smash<---you would be surprised at how many women will go for that! 

4. He Says: I Love Spending Time With You

He Means: I enjoy the time we spend together. 

She hears: I love you. 

What he SHOULD say: Thank you for giving me regular sex. (Refrain from using the L word at all costs!)

5. He says: I'm married, but we're separated.

He means: My wife is trippin. U tryna fuck?

She hears: Don't worry about that other woman cuz she doesn't matter to me right now. I'm single in my mind. 

What he SHOULD say: Yea I got a wife. You can be my mistress or my girlfriend. You tryna smash or nah? 

This is usually the point where I offer some advice about communicating effectively to women or how you can guarantee that your point is not lost in translation. Unfortunately, I dont have any fool proof way to escape it. Namely because I dare not underestimate the selective hearing of a crazy motherf*cker. It doesn't take much to set 'em off. Ya never know what it's gonna take. A missed phone-call or an ignored e-mail could be disastrous. I could tell the fellas to be more blunt with their feelings so women don't feel like we have to decipher your words. I could tell the ladies to stop being punks and ask follow up questions to get clarity instead of tryna translate on your own. I just did both of those things. Swag me out. 

Fellas, what are some things you have told a woman and you wondered how she got it wrong? Ladies, what are some things a man has told you and you took it the wrong way? Don't be shy. I don't judge out loud. 

Talk to me. . .

Twitter: @LegallyRatchet1

Facebook: Talented Generation

Email: TalentedGeneration@gmail.com

Conversations With a Female Cheater, Part 1

From the moment we enter into relationships, women are burdened with the task of doing what it takes to keep their man from straying. 
"Cook for ya man so ya man won't cheat." 

"Stay in shape so ya man won't cheat."

"Give good BJs so ya man won't cheat."

"Give up the cooch so ya man won't cheat."

The way women are told to do certain things or else their man will cheat is enough to make you think men shouldn't worry about their woman cheating. They better wake up.
Although some think female cheating is worse than male cheating, men aren't threatened with the possibility of cheating the way women are. When have you heard someone say, "Let ya woman speak her mind or she's gonna cheat" or "Put the Madden 13 down or she's gonna cheat?" I'll wait. Oh, you got nothing? Moving on. 

Recently, I watched Diary of a Cheating Woman, a self-described "docudrama that explores the subject of African American women in relationships who are unfaithful." I expected it to provide a platform for women to share about their unfaithfulness and help people understand why they were so. I expected to hear women share about their lack of intimacy, struggling with their self-esteem or not having enough sex.  I was sorely disappointed. Instead of in-depth interviews with women, I watched as men speculated about why the women cheated.  I'm sick of men giving their perspectives about how women feel. Why are people so afraid to ask us? How do you produce a film about women being unfaithful but you focus on how the men felt about being cheated on?

I've been on all three (yes three) sides of cheating: the victim, the cheater and the other woman. Ironically, those things came to me in reverse order. I was first the reckless woman who thought it was cute to deal with another chick's man; then, I became an emotional cheater; finally, I became the victim.

I do not, by any means, seek to speak for all women in writing this. I'm not here to give advice to female cheaters or the men who fell victim to them. I chose to explore the female perspective on infidelity since its a bit more complex than the perspective of a cheating man.

How did it feel to be on each side?

Being the OTHER Woman
I knew from the beginning that Jason had a girlfriend. He was upfront about it the very first time we met. I didn't care. It was clear he wanted me and that was all that mattered to me. I knew I could "take" Jason from her when I was ready. I told myself getting involved with him was ok. I didn't care much about his fledgling relationship because I figured his decision to pursue me was indicative of how little he cared. I didn't have low self-esteem and I didn't doubt that I could get my own man. Being the other woman was an adrenaline rush for me. I'm an adrenaline junkie. The bigger the risk, the better the high. I got a rush anytime we did something where there was a high risk we would get caught. At his request, we would go on dates around town. The same town where his girlfriend lived, worked and attended church. 

He often vented about his girlfriend's laziness and closed minded-ness while praising me for being the opposite. He had a way of comparing the two of us and making it so I came out on top. I was young enough to let that stroke my ego. He bought me lots of gifts and explained how she'd stopped appreciating his purchases. He told me about their arguments and how he handled the cheating accusations. 

I'd be remiss if I didn't admit that I knew my role. I played it without qualms. I knew the best time to contact him and the best way to get in touch with him. I never started beef with his girlfriend and I never wanted to. I didn't want the strings. I didn't want the commitment. Even after he told me everything about her and their relationship, I never had negative feelings towards her. After a few weeks, he left his girlfriend to build a relationship with me and he told her about me and about us. She didn't take it very well.

Ever heard this song?

Tune in tomorrow for Part 2. 

Twitter: @LegallyRatchet1

Facebook: Talented Generation

Email: TalentedGeneration@gmail.com

The Mystery of "Aint Sh*t Friends"...SOLVED

Ever hear somebody complain about their friends and you wonder why they're still friends? Don't sit there and act like its just me. After hearing complaints from people saying they're tired of being disappointed by their friends I decided to investigate. 

Gas up the Mystery Machine and grab some Scooby snacks, we're about to put some paws on this mystery. The first step to solving the mystery is to define key terms. What is an "Aint Shit Friend?" Well, put mildly, its a bad friend. If you need more of a definition than that, you need the kinda help I can't provide. 

We all complain about our family members, duh right? You can't choose your family members, but you CAN choose your friends. Double duh. If you're gonna sit there and duh me to death tell me, why are people complaining about their friends? Serious question: If the person you call your "friend" has never been there for you why do you continue to associate with them? I'm serious. I wanna know. Because "being there when it counts" is what matters right? I know you're there when they need you but are they only coming to you when they need you? Are you sticking around because you like to feel needed? Theres an app for that. Take a look around you. Are your friends clutch players? Whats the common thread? Do you have people who inspire you to be better? Are you the person with the most resources? Do you have people who you can say, with certainty, that if you needed them they would be there? 

POP QUIZ. If you had car trouble right now would you be able to call your "friend" to take you to the grocery store? If you needed someone to go check on your mom and your friend was near your mom's house would they go check on her? If you needed a place to stay for a week would your friend open their home to you without complaining or bragging? If you hit hard times and needed a place to eat, would your friend provide you a meal within their means? 

I thought it was simple. I thought we avoided making excuses when others show us they're no good for us. I need to stop thinking. Don't force friendships to continue when you should have ended them long ago. Whats the point of staying? If a person is a shitty friend, they're not your friend. They're just a shitty person you know. Say it like that and I guarantee you won't be disappointed the next time they let you down. I read a quote from Maya Angelou that Oprah has helped make famous, "When people show you who they are believe them the first time." Read that again. Write it down. Take a picture. What do you think someone is showing you when they are a shitty friend towards you? What about when they give you their word and break it unapologetically? How does it enhance your life to keep them around? Really, I want you to answer that. 

Missed one call? Busy friend
Missed two calls? Friend on thin ice
Ignored three calls? Not yo friend.

Am I trippin? Its not just me is it? Here is my theory: we're using the wrong words to describe our relationships. Stuffing people in boxes they don't want to be in. Basically, we're calling people our friends who have no desire to be such a thing. Spend less time forcing the friendship and more time calling a spade a spade.

I suppose my perspective on friendships is skewed because I am a woman. Every woman needs good girlfriends. Yes, every woman. Having girlfriends is essential to our emotional health. I don't trust a woman who doesn't have at least one close female girlfriend. I don't trust a woman who wants to be friends with everybody. I don't trust women who claim they can ONLY be friends with men. You know what I think about those types? They're sluts. Anyway, I also think men need at least one friend who can hold them accountable. They need at least one other male who they trust enough to believe him when he says, "Aye man, you need to straighten up." 

Theres no reason you should be making excuses for your friends. Theres no reason you should be making excuses in any relationship. If the relationship is terrible, making excuses for sticking around won't make it better. Maybe we should all start using qualifiers so we can protect ourselves. If you only hang out with them 5 days a week at work, call them your work buddy. Say it just like that. If you only hang out with them at the gym call them "(Insert name here) that guy/gal you met at the gym." If they're a good choice for hangin out, just call them your partner in crime. Apply this standard and see how it works out for ya. If you think the qualifiers will hurt their feelings you can call them a friend to their face, but don't lose sight of the real deal. Don't be so afraid to be the bad person that you end up setting yourself up for pain and disappointment. 

Mystery. Solved. 
They woulda continued getting away with not being shit too, if it wasn't for this meddling kid LOL! 

OAN: Its my younger sister's bday today. Happy Birthday Britt! Love you! 
Peace. 

Twitter: @LegallyRatchet1

Facebook: Talented Generation

Email: TalentedGeneration@gmail.com

Why I'm a Single Sista: I Made a Choice

I suppose many of the people reading this are single sistas just like me. ::e-hugs:: See? You're not in this by yourself! That is, unless you're Chilli. In that case, you gotta take your list and gone 'bout your bidness. 
A few weeks ago I went to a mid-afternoon tea with one of my favorite people I met while in law school. For the sake of respecting her privacy we're gonna call her Cassie. As we munched on finger foods, giggled at our mutual love for tasty foods and sipped delicious tea in our red dresses, we also spent a little time catching up. It has been over a year since we were in law school together and although we live in close proximity to each other, adult life got in the way. 

We were wrapping up and preparing to go our separate ways when Cassie hit me with, "Girl WHY are you single?" I could tell she was just itching to ask me lol! Its been over a year since I was in a committed, monogamous relationship. At the time of Cassie's inquiry, I was barely dating and turning men down left and right. Cold world. It was clear she didn't quite relate but I was not offended. Suitors, friends and family members-alike have all asked some form of: 
Why haven't you settled down? 
When are you gonna have children? 
What are you waiting for? 

Taking time off is not the norm. People barely care if you jump from 'ship to 'ship but if you take time off something must be wrong. I tried to hide how I picked up on Cassie's surprise at me not having a +1. "What do you mean WHY?" was all I could fix my mouth to say. She elaborated by running down the list of qualities that make me a catch AND a keeper. The list was from a woman's perspective, but it was all true. I responded, "I realized I needed to work on myself so I took myself off of the market." That answer usually gets a few side eyes. I had told no lies as that was my original reason for taking myself off of the market. I did not like the woman I was becoming. The things I was tolerating for the sake of NOT being single were unacceptable. The way I pushed a man's limits had to stop. I decided to change it.

My standards aren't extremely high. 

I'm not difficult to deal with.

I'm not ugly. 

I'm not naive. 

I'm not stupid. 

I don't throw my "list" in people's faces.

I'm not one of those women who sits around wondering why I'm single. I know exactly why I'm single. In the year when black women were being encouraged to settle, I decided to completely stop dating. What a joy it was to be single during that "lets join forces and attack single black women" era. It jolted me when I heard the combination of Cassie's concerned tone and her genuine regard for my well-being. That moment helped me realize my decision to be a single sista was deeper than the answer I gave.  How deep? 

I'm scared of heartbreak. 

I'm scared of losing myself. 

I have been on both sides of infidelity.  

I'm shallow. 

I'm spoiled.

I'm stubborn. 

I'm proud. 

Do with those qualities what you will. I like to think of the past year as a journey. Its my first time taking serious time off from relationships. I'm not in limbo. I'm not having regular sex with the same man. I'm not entertaining offers for a second chance from my ex. I'm not bitter. I'm not angry. I'm not confused about my sexuality. I simply made a conscious decision not to enter into a relationship until *I* feel ready.  Through learning to trust God & repairing the trust in my own judgment, I'm almost there. 

I'm as single as a dolla bill.  I have gone on a few dates but nothing too serious. Being single has its ups and downs but the time I spent alone has made me a much better person. Starting the journey was tough and I hit some rough spots, but it is one of the best experiences I've had in all my years. I learned to love myself. I love people more. I'm more humble and empathetic. I'm not concerned about men being intimidated by my "success." I'm not chasing men who don't value me. I don't feel the need to "impress" a man. 

When I see other women struggling with their love life I'm quick to recommend taking time off. Too often we seek validation from other people without first finding self-love. While there is no man waiting at home to rub my feet, I've learned to deal with my own emotional issues without self-medicating. You gotta take the good with the bad. 

For the other side of this conundrum, check out this series on Sex & the Sister where my girl Candice shares why she is NOT a Single Sista. 

Peace. 

12 Things You NEVER Hear People Say

In a time when passive aggressiveness is the primary way people handle tough situations, the people are missing out on hearing some thangs. Yea I know actions speak louder than words, but I like when people say what they really feel. Unfortunately, those people are known as assholes. People don't like to be called an asshole. Most people keep their asshole demeanors hidden until they are amongst their closest and most trusted friends. I should learn to do that. Some people want to be liked. I also recognize people prefer passive aggressiveness over having a confrontation. Ya never know what someone is packin, right?  

There is power in our words. There are just some things people don't want to say. This could be because they don't want to jinx a good thing or because they don't want to be judged. Either way, there are at least 12 things I don't think I will ever to get hear people say. Don't rush thru the list. Pause in between each one and take it all in. 

12. "I wanna relieve the sexual tension on the first date. I hope he thinks I'm a hoe." 

11. "I'm the only morning person at work. Everyone loves seeing me so happy at 8am." 

10. "I'm gonna ask my fiancé if he knows he's marrying a hoe. He should know I fuct a whole frat house." 

9. "I know all I talk about is the PAST. Thats cuz my present is fuct up. Remember how skinny I was in high school?"

8. "My girlfriend cheated, but I still totally trust her. She's great." 

7. "The first thing I do when I get a new man is throw my friends away."  

6. "I know she smashed the homie. She's the best I can do." 

5. "I like when my ex "checks on me" just as I'm about to start dating someone else." 

4. "That beautiful quote I posted this morning? I stole it and didn't give the other person credit. Like my status."  

3. "I already think I know it all. I'm always debating because I want other people to think that too." 

2. "I'm lookin forward to being humiliated by my boo-thang in front of all of their friends." 

1. NBC is doing a GREAT job of covering the 2012 Olympics!


There ya have it folks. Is there anything you think you never get to hear people say? I'm listening. 

Discussion: Hoodrats Have Gotten Their Hands on Lacefronts

I had a conversation with my younger sister this past week & it went a little something like this: 


Her: Hey sis. I have an idea for your blog.
Me: Cool. Shoot.
Her: You should do a blog tellin people to stop wearing fake lacefronts.
Me: I'm not doing that. Thats mean. I like to let people live.
Her: No sis, you need to do this. 
Me: There is a such thing as FAKE lacefronts?
Her: Yes. You can buy lacefronts made with human and synthetic hair.
*Uses context clues to determine the synthetic haired lacefronts are the "fake" ones*
Me: So if there are fake ones, why do people wear them?
Her: Because the fake ones are cheap. You can find some pics on Facebook or I'll go out and take some pics for you to post, k?
Me: *Rolls over laughing*
Her: We gotta do somethin about these hoodrats with this ugly hair. 


After that conversation, I did a little digging and realized some of you people (yep, YOU people) are going way too far with this lacefront thing. Bad weaves are one of my pet peeves. For the majority of *MY* life I have avoided the "black women and their hair" convo because it comes off condescending from me. I'm not bragging or tryna justify myself but I must disclose that I have, by many standards of black hair, "good hair." I'm not "natural" because I've never put a relaxer or perm in my hair. Still, those things don't make me any less qualified to help my sistas navigate the struggle.


For those who don't know, a lacefront is a full-headed wig that has a sheer lace base. They are worn by celebs in movies and in their daily lives. Previously, they were reserved for professionals (i.e. theatre, movies, tv) because of the delicate nature of the lace and the need for makeup to cover the front lace.  They range in price from $35-$15,000. Yes you read that right. A "good" lacefront wig is made with Indian Remy or virgin European hair while a "bad" lacefront is made from synthetic fibers. The wigs are popular because the sheer lace base allows for a more natural look. Growing up, I always thought that was the purpose of weaves and wigs: to look natural. With that said. . .hoodrats have gotten their hands on lacefronts. They're now in every flea market, beauty supply store and have even been featured on "The View." 

What about this looks natural? 

OR this? 

OR this? 

Bet money she a 'rat & all her friends gave her compliments.

There is no way that woman has any real friends. Then again, all of her friends probably look just like her. In that case, they all need an ass whooping.  

To be fair, black women aren't the only ones wearing wigs and weaves. If anything, white girls have been wearing them for much longer than black girls. White women were wearing weaves back when we were still destroying couches and pillowcases with curl activator. 

My point? The misuse and abuse of lacefronts by hoodrats needs to be stopped. Sound the alarm. Its an epidemic! Now I know this is fresh on the hindlegs of a black hair debate prompted by Olympic gold medalist Gabby Douglas' hairstyle. Save your speech about blacks setting the stage for showing others how to treat us because I wrote that speech. Anyway, I had a meeting with the fellas this mawnin. We couldn't reach a general consensus about black hair. Some hate weaves and prefer a woman to wear her natural hair while others say they don't care if we wear a weave as long as our hair looks nice. I want every woman to take time to care for her hair. For some of you that means you need to leave that trap and beez yo ass in a salon. Don't spend time gluing down lacefronts and end up doing long term damage to your hair. You could end up looking like this: 

I just did my part. Its a start, right?