Sharing is Caring: 3 Basic Types of Friends

This post is for everyone considering eliminating a few people from their inner circle in the approaching new year. I see your Facebook and Twitter updates, "I'm eliminating a few people from my inner circle in 2012." I know people are reflecting on the type of year they had and concluding that its time to eliminate dead weight.

What is dead weight?
I'm glad you asked!
Dead weight is those people who are not adding anything to your life, but think its ok to subtract a few things. I understand the feeling as I have felt it myself. You must assess the people you allow around you on a regular basis because some people change and some people stay the same.

While you are still YOU at your core, you are not the same person you were in high school. Some people are still the same person they were in high school. These people are still running popularity contests and trying to amass the most friends. They are not focused on the character of the people, just their presence. They want to party with 300 people on their birthday who don't even know their middle name or favorite color rather than spending it with 3 people who were there when times were dark. Don't be that person.

Be the person who is not afraid to classify relationships as they are. If someone is not your bff, don't force it and don't lie about it. Its ok if you only have one near and dear friend. As we get older, people will leave and you will realize they are not meant to be in your life for a lifetime, but a mere season. Don't try to force people to stick around who constantly show you they don't want to be near you. If you deem it necessary, eliminate those people without burning a bridge.

In the video below, Bishop T.D. Jakes shares a very powerful message about assessing the people in your life. His message is to watch out NOT for the physical attributes of a person, but to seek out their character. Ya'll don't hear me.

Bishop's 3 basic types of friends:
1. Confidant: These people are FOR you. You will have very few of these. They are those people who love you unconditionally. They are in it with you regardless of whether you are up or down, right or wrong. These are the people you can share anything with.

2. Constituents: They are not for you. They are for what you are for. These people will leave you if they meet someone who can further their cause, they will abandon you. Do not mistake your constituents for your confidantes.

3. Comrades. These people are not for you. NOR are they for what you are for, it is just that they are against what you are against. They will team up with you to help fight a greater enemy. Don't be confused, they will only be there until the enemy is defeated. You can expect them to leave you after a while.

Be careful who you tell your dream to! Everyone around you is not FOR you!

Here is a quick test: When you share your good news with your "friends" stop being happy for a moment and take note of their reaction. If you do not see a genuinely happy expression on their face, its time to stop sharing your dreams with them.

Remember people want to see you to good, they just don't want you to do better than them.

Keep winning.

In Case You Missed It: The Heat Intro

In case you missed it last night, the Miami Heat created a special intro for their fans to watch during the opening of their game last night. Before you go judging me, I know the Lebron & Miami Heat haters are gonna have something to say but I like it. I hope Bron gets his ring this year!

FUNNY TO ME: Jesus Gives the Broncos a Pep Talk

By now, you all should have heard that the Broncos lost their first game since "Tebow-mania" took over the football world. In a way that only the folks at SNL could do, they created a skit about the Tebow "phenomena."

Disclaimer: This is NOT a video about religion or Jesus. The video pokes fun at Tebow. I think everyone who perpetuates the theory that Jesus spends his time helping teams win football games trivializes Jesus and his power. To think he would prefer to help Tim Tebow win a friggin football game (although I'm sure he gets MILLIONS of prayers for him to do so) rather than helping suffering children or anyone else who may "deserve" or "need" a blessing doesn't make sense to me. Doesn't it make you wonder if God has a favorite team tho? Do I know how Jesus spends his time? No. You know what, nevermind if I keep going I'm sure I'll manage to ruin everything funny about the skit. Just watch it.

Tebow has been open about the reason he believes he managed to win the games. Anyone who has tuned in to ESPN in the past few weeks has been inundated with news, comparisons to other quarterbacks (Hey Cam Newton! *wink*) and overall Tebow d*ck riding. I got so sick of it, I stopped watching. I hope when I tune in tomorrow morning, they will have found something more interesting to talk about.

How about those grand jury testimonies in the Sandusky case?

Like I said, the skit was funny to me.

Daily Inspiration

GREAT morning beautiful people!! Here is today's quote: 

"Some men give up their designs when they have almost reached the goal; While others, on the contrary, obtain a victory by exerting, at the last moment, more vigorous efforts than ever before." -Herodotus 

Before you allow anything to get to you, ask yourself "Whats the worst that could happen?" I know some of you don't want to think about it, and I'm not asking you to share but I want you to contemplate it, if even for a moment. Go ahead, think about it. What is the WORST that could happen to you? 


Everyone has a different answer to the question. Initially, you may think of something immediate like losing your job or becoming homeless. If I know you like I think I do, you allowed yourself to go deeper than that. Some of you may say the worst that could happen is that you never secure gainful employment. Others may cite things like cancer, HIV, unwanted pregnancy, death of a parent, development of a debilitating disease, etc. My answer? I'm glad you asked! The worst that can happen to me is that I would die and go to hell. What does my answer mean to me? It means if the worst thing that can happen to me involves dying and going to hell everything else is not the worst thing that could happen. Internalizing that allows me to maintain a healthy stress level as I pursue my goals. 


I started asking myself the question because as my time to begin bar prep looms on a very near horizon, I have started to feel an immense pressure. I had to remind myself that failing the bar is not the worst that could happen to me. Mattafack, I'm not going to give life to the possibility of failing BUT, failing is probably the source of the pressure I feel. Since failing is not the worst that could happen to me, I'm already confident. 


Regardless of your answer, take a survey of your surroundings. Has the worst thing happened to you yet? If the worst thing you can imagine has not happened to you, everything else is obsolete. Continue to PUSH forward knowing that you are blessed to have the opportunity to do so. 


When things seem so tough you want to give up, ask yourself whether its the absolute worst thing that can happen. If its not your worst thing, let it go. Let it roll off your shoulder like water on a duck's back and keep it moving. 


Today's Song Choice: Mary J. Blige-Living Proof


Spread Love!

The War on Christmas: Is Jesus STILL the Reason for the Season??!

Full disclosure: I was raised in a Southern Baptist church. I learned about Santa Claus in school. I got in trouble for telling a few students that Santa was not real. I wasn't allowed to believe in Santa Claus bringing gifts through our chimney because the story  did not make sense to us. Our home in Florida didn't have a fireplace or a chimney so a jolly fat guy in a red suit coming down our chimney with presents just wasn't possible.  I was taught Jesus blessed my parents with the means to purchase presents for me. I was allowed to shop with my parents and pick out my own toys. My Christmas list was composed during commercial breaks when I looked at toy ads and said, "I want that one too daddy." The presents were wrapped and put under our tree and I opened them on Christmas morning. Christmas was about celebrating the birth of Jesus and that is what we did. It was not about what gifts you received, it was about celebrating Jesus. 

Now that we have that out of the way...MOVING.ON. 


In recent weeks, I have noticed an increase in stories regarding Christmas and people who are offended by "Christmas." It has made me so sick and tired of hearing the back and forth that I decided to write a post about it. Read it if you dare...


Christmas begins with CHRIST for a reason. The book of Matthew in the Bible tells the story of the birth of Jesus and although the bible does not give a specific date, it is celebrated as occurring on December 25.   


Christians celebrate the birth of Jesus of Nazareth by attending church, exchanging gifts, decorating Christmas trees, sharing meals with loved one and awaiting the arrival of Saint Nick. 


December 25–Christmas Day–has been a federal holiday in the United States since 1870. 

My observation about every report exploring the war on Christmas can be summed up with one word: RIDICULOUS. If you don't want to celebrate the birth of Jesus, then don't celebrate! Its really that simple. I understand retailers and money hungry companies capitalize on the season, but that doesn't mean you have to give in. If you don't celebrate Christmas, put a condom over your heart and protect your feelings.  Stop being so darned sensitive. People should not be forced to walk on pins and needles because they are afraid of how others will react after hearing, "Have a Merry Christmas!" 


I don't ever hear people complaining when they get a day off, but they start to complain about the reason for the day off. If you don't want to celebrate Christmas, ask for a work assignment. 

Whats next? 

St. Patrick's Day is an Irish holiday. Will people be offended by the tradition to wear green and drink green beer? 


Will people be offended by St. Valentine's Day when they don't have a Valentine to celebrate with?


What about President's Day? Martin Luther King Day? Independence Day? Juneteenth? 


To play Devil's Advocate (and be fair), I know it must be frustrating to have something that you don't believe in forced upon you.  I get that. I really do get that. The feeling of a forced celebration is reason enough to ask others to respect your beliefs by not saying "Merry Christmas" to you. Its enough to tell people to respect your "Holiday Tree" and "Holiday gift exchange." I respect that adjustments must be made for people who have religious beliefs that prevent them from attending the company "Christmas Party." The jist of it is Americans are self-centered and selfish. We have a tendency to only think of ourselves and not totally consider the feelings of others. 


You should be able to enjoy your day off without feeling guilty for the reason you got the day off. You should be able to celebrate your family during the holidays without being forced to engage in a sacred religious holiday. Make sure everyone in your household understand this so you don't feel guilty for not celebrating. 


You should not be forced to celebrate because of what your children are taught in school. 
Your children should not feel isolated because they don't celebrate Christmas. 


America's national religion is Christianity. Regardless of what people may claim, we don't relate to other religions all that well. We are so comfortable in our Christianity that we don't always take significant time to learn about other religions. Why else would we question how Mitt Romney's mormonism will affect his ability to lead? Why else would there be a tv show called All American Muslim?  


Devil's advocate time over. 

Jesus IS the reason for the season. His birthday is nationally accepted to be on December 25(although there is some dispute about the actual day). If you don't follow the religion based upon the teachings of Jesus, then don't celebrate his birth. 

If you celebrate Christmas, celebrate Christmas. 

If you celebrate Hanukkah, celebrate Hanukkah. 

If you celebrate Kwanzaa, celebrate Kwanzaa. 

People are so hellbent on being politically correct and not offending people that they continue to explore things that might offend others. Christmas is just another one of those things. Don't let the army of politically correct people take it away from us.  Throw your CHRISTMAS parties. Decorate your CHRISTMAS tree. Attend your company CHRISTMAS party. Allow your loved ones to open their CHRISTMAS gifts. 


You can celebrate in your own way and respect the religious views of others without being offensive or too focused on being PC. 


If you're looking for someone to blame--->Blame retailers for taking advantage of the way the holiday has evolved. They stopped having Christmas sales and removed the word Christmas from their promos. 




In all fairness, retailers have moved up Christmas celebrations so much that it has become obnoxious. Roughly 5-10 years ago, you didn't put up a tree until Black Friday (until after the Thanksgiving turkey is gone). In 2011, people were putting up decorations as early as the day after Halloween. Its absurd. Its enough to turn a regular person into a Scrooge. 

Bah Humbug!

Music News: Can You Do "The Frankie Leg?"

Its a Code-10 Man Down situation. Keyshia Cole's mother, Frankie Lons has decided to release a full video of her song The Frankie Leg. At first, I thought this was a play on the popular hip hop dance song The Stanky Leg but it is a far cry from it. I'm not sure if thats a good or a bad thing. I'm not mad at her hustle but the song is JUST...nehmind. Take a listen for yourself...


Let's just say if I'm ever in a place that plays this song, I'm grabbing my belongings and removing myself from the situation.

Will you be practicing your Frankie Leg?

Funny To Me: Herman Cain Quotes Pokémon

In his farewell address during which he announced he would be suspending his bid for the Presidency Herman Cain used a quote from the closing credits of the Pokémon movie. What quote did he use? I'm glad you asked! Cain FAILED at trying to turn the quote "Life can be a challenge, Life can seem impossible. Its never easy when theres so much on the line" into a prophetic closing line. After a quick search, I realized it wasn't the first time he quoted the popular cartoon series.

I wish I was making this up but it REALLY happened!

Sir, STOP IT NOW! Fire your speech writers. Oh wait, I doubt he ever bothered to hire any writers or any other people with experience.

My favorite newscaster Jon Stewart went IN on Big Daddy Cain. Watch below...

The fact that he thought quoting the Pokémon intro was appropriate is stone cold proof that he had no business running for President. In light of the army of women who came forward alleging Cain sexually harassed them, it seems like his goals aligned with Pokémon because he tried to "catch em all" Further, the fact that he chose that particular quote instead of the other lessons Pokémon aimed to teach about life is the nail the seals the coffin.

I must admit I'll miss his foolery on the campaign trail as he was funny without even trying to be. Don't confuse my criticism of Cain with my praise of the other GOPers. I think its all a big comedy show. As far as I'm concerned, I can't take any of the candidates seriously. Even though I knew from the beginning he would never secure the nod, Cain was a source of comedic relief.

For those you unfamiliar with Pokémon, take a quick listen to their theme song.


You're welcome.

The Family Hustle: How DEEP is YOUR love?

Last evening, VH1 premiered their newest reality show The Family Hustle starring rapper Tip "T.I." Harris, his wife Tameka "Tiny" Harris and their six children. Twitter was all aflutter with tweets slamming Tiny's "unique" appearance and praising T.I for being a "great man." My personal timeline was inundated with tweeple praising Tiny for her efforts standing by her man and "waiting for love." Of course, since T.I. is an attractive man (at least to the people I know, DJM), women were all aflutter about how jealous they were of Tiny being able to come home to *that.* 


Full disclosure: I find T.I. attractive. I listen to his music and I've seen him in concert during which time I screamed like a teenage girl and rapped along to all of the lyrics to his songs. I don't know T.I. or his family personally. 


Welp! Now that we have that out of the way...


Its time we all sit down and make sure we understand a few things:
T.I and Tiny have been together over 10 years
T.I. has disclaimed Tiny
T. I. has disrespected Tiny
T.I. has cheated on Tiny
T.I. and Tiny have experienced the death of a child together
T.I. has left his children several times in order to serve jail sentences


BUT NOW...
He cooks
He provides
He is a father to their children
He's romantic
He showers her with gifts and has managed to do so even from behind bars
He's not afraid to show his love and adoration of Tiny
He makes Tiny *HAPPY


The show was cute. It was nice to see him not be ashamed to show his love for Tiny. Women swooned for him because he made an effort to see his child do "normal" activities and showered Tiny with expensive gifts. Not this one. If T.I. is the definition of a great father figure, miss me with that. My father might not have as much money as T.I. but I never questioned whether he loves me. He never missed one beauty pageant, honor roll breakfast, holiday dinner, birthday, football game that I cheered and he was there both times I moved for college. I know my father is not perfect and I dare not declare him to be, but he is a great example of what a great father should be. A good father figure is one who does what he can with what he has. He may not have a lot of money but he gives of his time and makes a child believe he/she is loved unconditionally. A great father makes decisions with his family in mind. When Tip amassed "army guns" for fear of being attacked, he was not thinking of the consequences. He was thinking of himself. There were other options. He decided not to take them. 


Can you imagine what his mindset was like when he was living in a state of paranoia? Do you think his family didn't notice? Think about the last time one of your parents or grandparents was bothered by something. Regardless of their efforts to hide it you still noticed, right? 


Notwithstanding the obvious ploy to clean up Tip Harris' image, the show was interesting. It was interesting because we got to see a side of T.I. we rarely get to see. His stage persona Tiny Tim  is one of a gangsta rapper unafraid to resort to violent behavior. I'm not saying its believable because he's every bit of a 5 ft 9 in, 160 pounder. The Family Hustle highlights T.I. the family man while managing to downplay T.I. the felon. 


Then there's the obvious difference between T.I. and other convicted felons: $$$(dolla dolla bills ya'll). Money played a significant role in his ability to curtail the amount of time he spent in prison and still factors into the way he can provide for his family. An average Joe with multiple felony convictions and six kids doesn't have the disposable income Mr. Harris has. Most of them struggle just to secure gainful employment and avoid violating their probation. Nevertheless, viewers are privy to see T.I. balance adjusting to life as a free man with work and family. In one "aww" moment, Tip makes the decision to put family (his son's football games) before work (BET Hip Hop awards show rehearsal). About his struggle to strike a balance he tells MTV, 

“I’ll say the balance of both, it’s complex and sometimes stepping away from it for week, a day, a month, can...once you get back into it, it reminds you exactly how much work it is, so the combination of both or all things, that took the most adjusting.”

As always I'm concerned about the bigger picture. While I believe people deserve second chances, I do not believe those people should be rushed to a pedestal where they are used as examples of how to behave. You have to earn your position as a role model. Just like you don't win by showing up, you don't  get a reality show and all is forgiven. Instead of learning how to bounce back from a prison stint, how about just NOT going to prison? Instead of praising a man who finally married his girlfriend after 10 years, how about NOT wasting her time? Should Tip's story be used to encourage people in similar situations? Maybe. I would just rather people made conscious decisions to avoid the situations in the first place. My only request is before we buy into the swoon-worthy "awww" moments we take an objective step back and think twice about who we idolize. People criticize Nick Cannon's squeaky clean image but praise T.I.? Am I the only one who thinks thats backwards? 

Its amazing to me that people were so fixated on the Harris' current state of affairs they seem to have forgotten the journey they took to get where they are. I'm not saying dwell on the past, but are we supposed to forget? While I'm sure there are people who believe women are ready to settle down much quicker than men, I can't help but wonder how much that really matters. How much should you be willing to sacrifice for your man? Should you brush off cheating scandals and forget about interviews where he claimed he was single while coming home to YOUR house every night? Should you settle for being the MAIN chick on his roster instead of the ONLY chick in his life? Should you wait on the sidelines until he realizes you're the woman who deserves his last name? Should you be willing to go under the knife and enhance your physical appearance because it makes your man happy? If you answered any of these questions in the affirmative, you should know it doesn't make you "ride or die," it just makes you a fool in love. Be clear about that distinction. 


From where I'm sitting, The Family Hustle asks viewers  to consider one question: What are you willing to do for love? So I ask you, what are you willing to do to FINALLY be happy? Are you willing to wait 10 years for your man to acknowledge you? Are you willing to stick it out through felony convictions, drug problems and multiple prison stints? Are you willing to deliver 5 little human beings BEFORE he puts a ring on it? Tiny did and she's married. 


Talk to me. I'm listening. 


*By HAPPY I don't mean the kind of joy that comes when you know your ::plumber:: is adequately equipped to service your pipes. I mean her face GLOWS just by looking at him. Its clear she genuinely loves him. Then again, its easy to do that when your man is a multimillionaire. 

Twitter: @LegallyRatchet1

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Email: TalentedGeneration@gmail.com

FUNNY TO ME: TLC's "Virgin Diaries"

Last evening, TLC premiered its new show The Virgin Diaries chronicling the life of adult virgins. I am ecstatic to report that I watched it. One couple tickled my fancy because the two had never been intimate and were marrying as virgins. Isn't that the cutest thing?! Needless to say, I was amazed by their story. I know I shouldn't be shocking and its probably a reflection on my own sexual experiences for me to even admit it but whatevs. Don't get judgmental on me now.

Ok ok ok before you all judge me (I know some of ya'll already have) for finding this show funny, I believe "waiting" is a beautiful decision people should make. I am happy to say I know a few virgins and I know how difficult it is to wait while living in a society where people get rich and famous for releasing sex tapes.

I think the media needs to switch gears in terms of selling sex to a younger audiences. I yearn for young girls to learn to have confidence in themselves outside of the juices marinating in their vag and to stop seeking validation from men. I want young girls to know they can wait and still be "popular" while maintaining their dignity and self respect. Further, I also believe people make better decisions when they aren't wearing the "sex blinders" that come along when people have experienced good sex from a partner who is no good for them.

If you missed the show, you did yourself a disservice. Check out the clip below.



I enjoyed watching the show. It gave me hope that there are people who still believe in old traditions. Thats not to say, I didn't find it HIGH-larious. Their first kiss? It looked like they were about to EAT each other's face.

Like I said, its funny to me.