Guest Blogger: The THREE F's Explained

For those who haven't been following me, Talented Generation is my third go-round with blogging. 3rd times the charm right? Anyway, back when I shared a blog with my homies I asked my good friend Kool Kustomer to share a few words from a male's perspective. He doesn't need anymore introduction than that. 

The formula: Feed Me + Freak Me + Leave Me The Freak Leave = A Happy man

I keep up with this blog and agree with most of the subject matters posed by the contributors. Yea, some men use women for just the sex, while running game, and dangling the carrot of the casual hook situation leading to a relationship. 

True. Some men don’t like to confirm relationships and prefer to keep women in the quagmire of the “Untitled Relationship.” 

Yea, some men exploit the young, the old and the wayward of woman but avoid the strong, independent and successful sister that will challenge him and potentially elevate him to be who God intended him to be. No doubt. 

But I find with age, some men develop and begin to want lasting relationships with women beyond the “Casual Hook Situation” or “Untitled Relationship.” Especially if the man finds “A Woman” (See my last post for a detailed description of “A Woman”). 

I will admit that there are some men who despite age and upper nobility decide that they want nothing more than a “Casual Hook-Up Situation” or “Untitled Relationship.” That’s a fact. Each man has to determine for himself the type of destiny he wants and honestly, I don’t feel remorse for a woman who is continuously burned by this type of man. Humans are designed by nature to adapt.

Now say the woman learns from her past experiences and is now able to identify a man who has moved beyond the days of “Casual Hook-Ups” and “Untitled Relationships.” The man and the woman are now in a position to have something real.  What does she now need to know about men to help make the relationship thrive?

From reading past entries on this blog, I started getting the impression that men are complex like Trigonometry or Physics. The fact of the matter is we are more like addition and biology. If you don’t believe me ask your Grandmother, Mother, Aunt or Grandaunt what formula she uses to keep her man. I guarantee you the formula is the same across the board. (Note: If none of the women in your family have been able to keep a man, please save your time and ask a neighbor.) 

Have you asked yet? I’ll give you some time. ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….……………………………………………………………………..

…Okay, I’ll let you in on the secret. The formula is Feed ‘Em, Freak ‘Em and Leave ‘Em the Freak Alone. That equals a happy man. Simple enough, huh? 

Well, let me explain what goes wrong. 

Feed ‘Em

I know what you are thinking… It’s 2012 not 1950, right? Chances are, professionally you are just as successful as your mate, if not more successful than your mate. 

…And you say, “I still have to cook?” 

My reply is, “Have you ever heard the old adage? 

It goes something like "the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” 

You are seeking entry into his heart right? Well, I’ll answer your question with a question. Do you have to cook?

By no means am I telling you to cook for a sorry joker who isn’t serious about a relationship. Doing special things for this guy won’t help your cause at all. It will only cause your self esteem to plummet to levels lower than the current Dow Jones. Going on. 

Freak ‘Em

Again, Don’t waste your good tricks on a guy that isn’t serious about you. Save them for the guy who has demonstrated to you that he is playing for keeps. Freaking ‘Em includes sex but isn’t limited to sex. Freaking ‘Em also includes intimacy or the shoulder rub, the dandruff scratch, the twisted dreads, and the kind-reassuring words a woman can say to make a man feel like a champ.

This fails when a woman withholds affection. No man will deal with an icy woman.   

Leave ‘Em the Freak Alone

Lastly but most importantly, if women become good at nothing else, be good at knowing when to leave a man alone. Know when to cut the venting short. Know when to drop a sensitive subject. Know how to chill when the game is on. Leaving a man alone also includes creating and maintaining the inviting/approachable/calm/cool/agreeable atmosphere. The type of atmosphere a man wants to be in. 

When a woman nags or rides a man the relationship will never work. If you’re a nag...Please. Stop. Now. 

What do you think of the 3F’s? What are some of the things a man has to do for woman to be happy in a relationship? Your comments are appreciated.    

GUEST BLOGGER: Dwight Howard, C'mon Son!!!

I need to hit up Homie D Clown so he can come whack Dwight across the head with that damn sock. This is ridiculous. For unknown reasons, Dwight is writing, directing and starring in a soap opera at the expense of the Orlando Magic.  I remember when Nas tried to give reason for Jay-Z’s penchant for dissing women: “…Were you abused as a child, scared to smile, they called you ugly?”  That’s it! Dwight was abused as a child, scared to smile AND they called him ugly. We are all a witness to Dwight’s way of righting all the wrongs he dealt with as a child.  This is his moment to be the man.  Dwight has the spotlight and he is going to make damn sure every ounce of glow is squeezed out of it.

Let me step back. I want to make it crystal clear that I believe a player has every right to choose what team he will or won’t play for.  I am unequivocally opposed to the slave master/slave mentality a lot of the NBA team owners have towards their players (ex. Dan Gilbert vs. Lebron James). Here is my note to team owners: Athletes are not slaves. You do not own them. Their only obligation to you is to fulfill their contract.  You cannot dictate where players take their talents once their obligation to your franchise is fulfilled. The players are your business partners. Just as you have every right to disband the partnership and explore other opportunities at any time, the player has a right to explore other partnerships. With that said, there is still a certain amount of business etiquette that should be displayed when deciding how to handle the partnership going forward. Dwight Howard flushed every rule given to us by the business etiquette Gods down the shitter. 

What has he done exactly? Well instead of making his intentions of leaving Orlando and going to Brooklyn clear with a simple “I want to go to Brooklyn,” Dwight has been flopping like a fish out of water.  First he said he wanted to go to Brooklyn and play.  Then he tucked his nuts in his ball bag and professed his undying loyalty to Orlando by signing a free agent waiver.  I won’t even mention how he said he signed the waiver after a random run-in with a die-hard fan at an Orlando Waffle House. C’mon son! You’re making business decisions at Waffle House? In a good faith attempt to appease Dwight, Orlando followed up by firing their head coach and General Manager. Dwight is not one to let good things exist. This ninja responds to that by demanding a trade to the Brooklyn Nets and threatening to sue the Orlando Magic for blackmailing him into signing the waiver that took away his right to free agency. YES that waiver! That waiver he signed after the random meeting with the die-hard fan at Waffle House. Eh, I can’t make this stuff up. This is real life.  But at least we know Lebron is winning, because “The Decision” pales in comparison to what Dwight Howard has managed to pull off. Dwight is a fool for this one.

In the words of Ed Lover, “C’mon with this bull$hit son, you know better than this nonsense Dwight.”

Thoughts??

GUEST BLOGGER "Hood Rich: Champagne Dreams on a Shoestring Budget"

 Got a quarter tank of gas 

In my new E Class

  But that’s alright

 Cause I’m gone shine

  Got everything

  In my mama name

    But I’m hood rich

   La-da-da

Translation (for those not so urban): Projecting an image of success or power that you really have not attained by showing off material goods such as cars or houses in an effort to impress those around you. Sacrificing things you NEED in order to afford/or at least look like you can afford the things you WANT.

Trust me when I tell you that if you don’t know anyone in your life living HOOD RICH, read a little further and partake in this family reunion.

Welfare Queens - These are the “professional mothers” who pump out kids in order to reap the public benefit that is, government assistance. You know the ones who depend on food stamps, Medicare/medicaide, child care placement and HUD (Section-8 housing) to provide for their families. You have probably seen these queens in the grocery store buying crab legs and shrimp, or maybe even trying to sell you their food stamps in exchange for cash-in-hand. She does not have a job of her own, and she does not have plans to change that or her situation. She sits at home all day posting drama-filled and profanity-laced status updates on Facebook and Twitter without ambition. Her only plan is to take advantage of government assistance programs for as long as possible.

Child Support Fiends- These are the women who come to court in their Forever 21 suits talking about how they are struggling just to make it, when in actuality they are a welfare queen taking advantage of the system. They are the ones who are always talking about how "no good" their baby's father is while posted at their mailbox to ensure on-time receipt of their child support check. Their favorite way to justify receiving exorbitant amounts of money is by saying, “Well, it’s for the betterment of the child.” In some cases, yes, but what about those individuals who use their money to keep their nails and hair done? All of this while their children walk around looking like they came straight out of one of those Feed the Children commercials. While raising a child in 2011 is expensive, child support fiends choose to spend most of their money on themselves. Show me your receipts.

Diddy Boppin Reject- These are the brothers who are popping Rosé bottles in the club, only to go home to an empty apartment with a mattress on the floor. That is, even if they have their own place. He's pushing a 2011 Mercedes-Benz while living at home with his mother. You know the ones ladies: he talks a big game about how he can do *this* for you and take you *there*, but this fool hasn't ever been out the state and doesn't have a passport. He wants you sneak around his mother's home but you're both 25. He wears a crystal, wannabe diamond, necklace and has to wait for his partner to get home before he can go anywhere because he doesn't have a car. He's also the one with the nice car that he can’t park at his house because the repo man is lurking. You can fool some of the people some of the time.

While some people may read this and think “how can people live like this?” Don’t get it twisted, living hood rich is an art. And for those of you who are still confused as to whether you are living hood rich, here are a couple of signs.

How to know if you are living HOOD RICH:

1. You throw your child a 1st birthday party that looks more like an adult cookout with liquor, ribs, dominos and spades. Your child just started teething; he ain’t biting into any half rack of ribs.

2. You car payment is more than your rent.

3. You take out student loans, not to pay for tuition, but to put speakers in your new car and get a paint job.

4. Your new lace front wig is paid for, but your babies Christmas toys are on lay-a-way.

5. All your bills are in the kids names. Let’s be real, their credit is better than yours.

These are only a few examples. Please feel free to share your thoughts.

Keep it Real Family,

Disclaimer: While this article does discuss the hood rich lifestyle of a few individuals I have run into during my years here on earth, it is not an encompassing view of women or men receiving public assistance or child support.

Posted by Southern Comfort. 

Southern Comfort is a freelance relationship commentator who explores how pop culture influences the social and interpersonal interactions between African American men and women.