GUEST BLOGGER "Hood Rich: Champagne Dreams on a Shoestring Budget"

 Got a quarter tank of gas 

In my new E Class

  But that’s alright

 Cause I’m gone shine

  Got everything

  In my mama name

    But I’m hood rich

   La-da-da

Translation (for those not so urban): Projecting an image of success or power that you really have not attained by showing off material goods such as cars or houses in an effort to impress those around you. Sacrificing things you NEED in order to afford/or at least look like you can afford the things you WANT.

Trust me when I tell you that if you don’t know anyone in your life living HOOD RICH, read a little further and partake in this family reunion.

Welfare Queens - These are the “professional mothers” who pump out kids in order to reap the public benefit that is, government assistance. You know the ones who depend on food stamps, Medicare/medicaide, child care placement and HUD (Section-8 housing) to provide for their families. You have probably seen these queens in the grocery store buying crab legs and shrimp, or maybe even trying to sell you their food stamps in exchange for cash-in-hand. She does not have a job of her own, and she does not have plans to change that or her situation. She sits at home all day posting drama-filled and profanity-laced status updates on Facebook and Twitter without ambition. Her only plan is to take advantage of government assistance programs for as long as possible.

Child Support Fiends- These are the women who come to court in their Forever 21 suits talking about how they are struggling just to make it, when in actuality they are a welfare queen taking advantage of the system. They are the ones who are always talking about how "no good" their baby's father is while posted at their mailbox to ensure on-time receipt of their child support check. Their favorite way to justify receiving exorbitant amounts of money is by saying, “Well, it’s for the betterment of the child.” In some cases, yes, but what about those individuals who use their money to keep their nails and hair done? All of this while their children walk around looking like they came straight out of one of those Feed the Children commercials. While raising a child in 2011 is expensive, child support fiends choose to spend most of their money on themselves. Show me your receipts.

Diddy Boppin Reject- These are the brothers who are popping Rosé bottles in the club, only to go home to an empty apartment with a mattress on the floor. That is, even if they have their own place. He's pushing a 2011 Mercedes-Benz while living at home with his mother. You know the ones ladies: he talks a big game about how he can do *this* for you and take you *there*, but this fool hasn't ever been out the state and doesn't have a passport. He wants you sneak around his mother's home but you're both 25. He wears a crystal, wannabe diamond, necklace and has to wait for his partner to get home before he can go anywhere because he doesn't have a car. He's also the one with the nice car that he can’t park at his house because the repo man is lurking. You can fool some of the people some of the time.

While some people may read this and think “how can people live like this?” Don’t get it twisted, living hood rich is an art. And for those of you who are still confused as to whether you are living hood rich, here are a couple of signs.

How to know if you are living HOOD RICH:

1. You throw your child a 1st birthday party that looks more like an adult cookout with liquor, ribs, dominos and spades. Your child just started teething; he ain’t biting into any half rack of ribs.

2. You car payment is more than your rent.

3. You take out student loans, not to pay for tuition, but to put speakers in your new car and get a paint job.

4. Your new lace front wig is paid for, but your babies Christmas toys are on lay-a-way.

5. All your bills are in the kids names. Let’s be real, their credit is better than yours.

These are only a few examples. Please feel free to share your thoughts.

Keep it Real Family,

Disclaimer: While this article does discuss the hood rich lifestyle of a few individuals I have run into during my years here on earth, it is not an encompassing view of women or men receiving public assistance or child support.

Posted by Southern Comfort. 

Southern Comfort is a freelance relationship commentator who explores how pop culture influences the social and interpersonal interactions between African American men and women.