Did You Get the Memo? 6 Memos No one Should Ignore

Did you get the memo? Its one of the most annoying questions a co-worker, or anyone can ask you. There you are sitting at your work area minding your own business and that annoying co-worker no one likes decides to come over and bother you. They don't know how to have a conversation about things outside of work so they do what they know how to do: talk about work. It urks my nerve. Why? Because there is no way you didn't get the f*cking memo but they decided to ask you anyway. Do you know what else is annoying? Of course you do. Its people who ask the question to make you look bad. "Oh you didn't get the memo that we don't send memos anymore?" D@mn you to hell.

After being asked the question several times over the past few days I started thinking about all the memos I wish I could ignore. These memos include the memo that you're supposed to show up to work on time and also that one about doing work while you're at work. Maybe work isn't for me. *Searches for careers that vacay for a living* This thought process led me to think about all the memos everyone should read. These are memos you should read in their entirety and hit "reply all" if you have any questions or concerns. They are the memos you should have to sign off on saying you have read and understand them.

1. The "We don't wear crazy designs on our jeans anymore" Memo. I did not think this memo was still relevant but I have seen way too many grown men wearing jeans with tigers and colored stripes on them. Its time to show brands like Coogi and Red Monkey that their designs are no longer relevant. The same goes for the makers of Baby Phat and Apple Bottom jeans. People shouldn't have to read your bottom as you walk away. Organize a bon fire and encourage people to bring their "booty design" jeans to burn them. Hire a DJ and provide free pizza. It takes a village. Stick with a pair of high quality dark wash jeans and keep it moving.


2. The "S/He's just that into you" Memo. This is the memo that requires people to be honest about their relationship situation. It is mandatory that you read this memo because understanding your place in a relationship is imperative to the survival of other loving relationships. Not recognizing that s/he just isn't that into you will lead you to voice complaints like "there aren't any good women" or "all men are dogs." To avoid these situations, take a moment to realize whats really going on. He takes days to answer your text messages and only responds to your phone calls when he thinks it will help him get the nookie. She ignores your phone calls but finds time to tweet and update her social networks. He doesn't check on you and even forgets to call you on your birthday. She makes up excuses for why she was unavailable to respond. He's never bought a gift and gripes about paying for your meal at Chick Fil A. She claims she doesn't have time to do things with you outside of the horizontal polka because she's "busy." He claims he has a very tight schedule that quickly opens up after midnight or when he wants the cookies. I applaud you if the two of you have a mutual agreement to be friend's with benefits. Outside of the FWB situation, take off your blinders and stop being delusional. Stop making up stories about him/her wanting to be more than a biddy. Stop making excuses. No one in the world is that busy. Stop calling and texting someone who isn't putting forth the same effort to stay in contact with you. He's not into you. She's not into you.

3. The "The end is near" Memo. Nations are at war. Natural disasters are occurring at record magnitudes. Yesterday the DC, Maryland and Virginia area experienced a 5.9 magnitude earthquake. I know my Cali folks are brushing it off as insignificant but I think its worth noting. Maybe I have watching too many end of days movies or maybe my father's speeches that the end is near are finally getting to me but I'm starting to believe it. 

4. The "I Know the Reason You're Single" Memo. There was a rumor yesterday that Will & Jada Smith were separating. I didn't believe it for one minute because I just saw an interview Will did where he made it clear that divorce was not an option for them. He was so adamant about his point and he always has been. I also had no reason to believe the false reports, which had no solid evidence to back them up. Shame on you In Touch weekly! The media has been coming down on single black women and black love for quite some time now. Frankly, I'm sick of it. Mattafack, I hope everyone who beats up on black love goes to purgatory. We get it, black love and black women are fascinating. The problem is,  the media wonders why we are single more than we do. I don't wake up in the morning and think "Damn I'm still single, maybe I should be miserable" but if I read all of the stories I'm pretty sure I would be. I don't go through my days miserable because I'm not in a committed relationship. I love myself too much for that. I use my time as a fabulously single woman to get to know who I am and to stay on track with my goals. We should all stop clicking on websites and buying magazines that talk about it. Stop making it a big deal and it wont be. Most of those stories are overgeneralized and sensationalized anyway. Leave black love alone. 

5. The "Don't Be An Eyewitness" Memo. Unless you are a lawyer or a member of law enforcement you should not interact with news reporters. Why? News reporters have a 6th sense: finding dumb people to be eye witnesses. Lets say a random freak accident occurs and leaves four people seriously injured. There were 10 people directly in the path of the crane but six of them avoided injury. Reporters will sift through the crowd of 1 million articulate folks with post graduate degrees to find the your cousin with the GED who only came with you because you promised him free pizza. His syntax is off and when he gets excited, he curses and farts a little. Now the cousin you dragged to the 1 million educated people summit is in rotation as an eyewitness to the freak accident. If you see a news reporter approaching you, it won't end well. Just...smile and walk away.

6. The "Posting Nude Photos Won't Make You Famous" Memo. One quick perusal of the Twitta or Facebook shows me how out of touch I am with the younger generations. Apparently, they think its ok to post partially nude photos on social networks. I'm not sure if all of them think it is going to make them famous but I know most of them are doing it for some kind of attention. What they fail to understand is just like money, all attention isn't GOOD attention. Once you post something online, its going to exist forever. Even after you delete it. Thats right, FOR-EV-VER! If you post the nakey pics, own up to why you're doing it. Your photos didn't leak. No one hacked your phone. No one stole your laptop. You posted the pics for some airtime hoping to break into the entertainment business. There's nothing wrong with that except for the fact that you continue to find money on your nightstand after the 1st date. If you're a habitual nude photo sharer, stop wondering why men approach you with offers to pay you for sex. Don't wonder why you are single. Mattafack, don't wonder anything just stop doing it. Kim may still be riding the coat tails of her sex tape but that doesn't mean you should take her place in the accidental sextape industry. If you want people to see you nude, I'm pretty sure there are people willing to look.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure I have missed a few. What memos do you think people should read?