Wait. Let me rephrase that.
Being black and dating in DC is a monster.
Hold your racial slurs and concerns for me making this "about race."
Between the 9 area law schools, federal government jobs, company headquarter jobs and sadiddy neighborhood names the showy black scene will turn even the most civilized woman into a man-hungry savage.
Reduced to a mere numbers game, the black dating scene in DC is not one for the faint of heart.
Nevertheless, the showy-ness is just like I like it: on front street. The showy blacks shop at Whole Foods and Trader Joes while snarking at people who don't eat "all organic everything." They get cheap food and drinks at trendy happy hours like Bar 7, Acadiana or Zengo. They have degrees from Howard, Harvard, Georgetown, Cornell and Columbia. They turn up their noses at anything non-showy.
Men capitalize on their single, attractive, educated, 6 figure salary-ness while women struggle to navigate a dating scene where its VERY possible (and acceptable) for them to pay on a first date. Thats that sh*t I don't like.
"Most relationships begin with a random strike of serendipity" is what I told myself. I'm only slightly awkward.
Wait. Where was I?
Ah yes, my dating adventures.
This post is dedicated to everyone who has heard my dating stories and encouraged me. "Wow! You should write a book." Well, consider this the first step. I suppose my choice to share these stories speaks volumes about my dating life and about my judgment but eh I don't care.
"The Chipotle Caller"
Where we met: A Chipotle in the Georgetown area of DC. It was 3:30pm. It was Thursday. One person stood between us in line. As I made my way to pay, he skipped the woman between us to ask me "Hey is all of that your real hair? Its beautiful" It quickly donned on me that was *Tyson's pickup line. I paid for my food and walked to over to get napkins and utensils. Suddenly, I didn't feel like risking a parking ticket to eat inside.The Number Exchange:
He stepped into my path as I attempted to make my exit.
Tyson: "So can I call you sometime?"
Me: "No thats probably not a good idea. You look pretty young & I don't date younger guys" What I expected was an acceptance followed by a schmoove exit. What I GOT was a rebuttal.
Tyson: "I'm 24 and I know thats young but all you have to do is just give me a chance. I'm young but I'm ambitious and I know I'm going to be successful."
**I'm pretty sure he said much more but I found myself lost in his freshly gel-twisted hair. I daydreamed about him sitting under a dryer with his legs crossed reading Black Hair.**
Me: (in my head) is this fool serving me a rebuttal? He's serving me a rebuttal and giving me logic inside of a Chipotle. And we don't even go together.
Somehow I decided giving him my number would at least be an opportunity for me to go out on the town. BIG mistake. I didn't like him. I wasn't interested in him. I already knew I would never become intimate with him. I should have communicated this to him right then and there. Big mistake #2.
The 2am Phone Call:
That same night he called me at 2:08am and 2:10am. Strikes 1 and 2.
I woke up annoyed later that day. I hate waking up annoyed.
He must have had a late-night emergency and chose me as his desperate call, right? WRONG. He called me at those times because he was "Bored and wanted to come over and chill." Judgment. Who "chills" at 2am? People who really want a quick smash thats who.
The Wrap up:
Fast forward to a week after we met. I was still annoyed. I was still not interested. It was time to cut ties. At this point I have already wasted too much time. After a text where I explained I was busy prepping our house for a cookout, he called me 5 times (yes FIVE) within a 15 minute time span. Another emergency, you think? Hell no. I had one nerve left and he was stomping all over that one. my skin crawled as he explained he wanted something different each time he called. Without hesitation, he named all 5 things. Guess what he really wanted? To come over and chill with me and my family.
I hear you saying "Ain't nothing wrong with that." Well, aint nobody got time for that and there IS something wrong with that. His b2b2b2b2b phone calls let me know he doesn't have any patience or self-control. He knew I was busy, but he decided he would call until I answered my phone. To me, thats disrespectful. One phone call is all it takes. I will see it and return your call at MY earliest convenience. He doesn't know exactly what I was busy doing so a simple text message would have sufficed. I felt smothered and I had to let it go. His only explanation was "I missed you. I missed your smile." Too many red flags. We never made it out on our first date.
What I learned:
Dating is about being receptive to other people and communicating who you are. Through the "Chipotle Caller" I recognized my reluctance to tell people when they have made me feel uncomfortable or smothered. Too, I saw how I allow my anger to fester rather than addressing the source of my anger. I'm not sure if my reaction would have been different if I actually liked him, tho.
People always ask me "Where do you meet these men?!" This week my answer is Chipotle. I meet them at Chipotle.
Until next Thursday...
*Names have been changed to protect the guilty.
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