LOVE & HIP HOP ATLANTA: The Episode 2 Recap

I decided to do this at 7:59pm. 
Let me just start off my saying the only person I actually knew from this show was Lil Scrappy and I didn't even know he was still trying to make music. *shrug*

First, we start with a bait montage aptly referred to as "This season on LAHHA." A.LOT.  Next, we are treated to a recap of last week's episode which introduced all of the characters and set gave fans a taste of Atlanta's hip hop scene. The highlight of last week's episode was K. Michelle's party when Stevie J chose the leave the party with his his new "artist" Joseline instead of his chick of 15 years, MiMi. He obviously doesn't know shit about taking care of home. 
Isn't it amazing how VH1 used to be the red-headed step child of MTV? 

8:01pm MiMi has a sit down with her best friend Ariane about the goings on of "last night." She now knows what we've all known all along: Stevie J & Joseline are f*ckin. Only question is how often. Ariane sets out in her confession to help Mimi "break this addiction to Stevie." I'm hoping by "break this addiction to Stevie" she means she is going to help her get enough sense to leave Stevie for good.  Ariane asks Mimi if she will ever leave him & there is a dramatic pause. We all know the answer to that.  
8:03pm Rasheeda, the female underground hip hop entertainer gets her turn to share screen time with her family, which includes Kirk- her husband of 12 years, and her brood of (step)chil'ren. Rasheeda is an independent artist managed by Kirk. She thinks a female artist can be mainstream and hood. Also, she's is in the process of choosing her first single (I'm assuming from her new album but don't quote me on that) and she thinks something called "Legs to the Moon" is gonna take her to the top. I'm not sold. She's pretty tho. I wonder if that sounds anything like Plies' new song Feet to the ceiling. Whatever.


8:06pm Karlie, another aspiring artist, is shown walking to meet Stevie J in the studio. She is also looking for a hit song. Surprise! Surprise! Joseline is there. Joseline doesn't speak English well. Its probably her third language. Her breasts are also very far apart. On the last episode Karlie spilled the tea and told everyone Joseline & Stevie were "dating." I can tell Karlie is gonna be pinned as the messy one. Joseline tries to clear it up that she and Stevie J are just "working together." Joseline's eyelashes are distracting. She also claps when she talks. She also thinks calling another woman's boyfriend "daddy" is acceptable.  


*commercial break* I need to get my mind together for the rest of this show.  


8:13pm Stevie J admits he "might have fuct up" and since its difficult to smooth things over with Mimi as she hasn't been answering his calls, he decides "Imma pop up at her job." BOOM! I knew he was a "Pop up at your job" type of man. Pause. He's at someone's house. Where does she work? A bed & breakfast? MiMi questions Stevie whats going on with the two of them. After she asks Stevie J to tell her he is not or never has slept with Joseline he struggles to keep a straight face. He wants to make peace because he's afraid of child support. I may or may not have made that up. He offers her 5% from Joseline's project. Mimi asks for 10% of everything. What is 10% of nothing? Don't answer that. Her "spidey senses" have told her Stevie is f*ckin Joseline. Captain Obvious doesn't live around here. Bet money Mimi's dad was a deadbeat.


8:17pm Back to Rasheeda and her husband riding through the city. What is up with those braids? Rasheeda plays her single "Marry me." The lyrics, "Put it on 'em make 'em wanna marry me" are words every woman can relate to according to her. I can't relate tho. She wants to take her career to the next level. Nevermind her music, she plans to do so with a real video made with a REAL director and better production. For some reason the fact that she's driving and her husband is riding in the passenger side is confirmation Rasheeda wears the pants in *that* relationship. When she starts talking, her husband can't get a word in edgewise. Poor fella. 


8:19pm Oooh an ice cream shop. I should go get some ice cream. Wait, I'm supposed to watch this for the play by play. Erica is having ice cream with her mother, Mingon(?). Erica's mom wants to know whether Erica thinks her boyfriend & baby's father Lil Scrappy is a boy or a man. Erica's mom has been absent from her life for the past 10 years due to drug addictions and a stint in the pen. She got addicted to crack cocaine while Erica was 4 or 5. Her mom served time in prison and Erica was raised by her aunt and uncle. Thee days she sports "baby hair" edges and a two-toned fingerwave. Thats probably why this conversation feels 10 years too late. In case you didn't know, Lil Scrappy once broke up with Erica to date female rapper Diamond. You may know her from the verse 4 of the Crime Mob song "Knuck if you Buck." Erica's diagnosis is "Scrappy is a boy becoming a man." Safe answer. Round character development like a mothaf*cka. The tears are flowing after the two start discussing their past. Erica says her past is the reason she is the kind of mother she is today. I just realized how much crack tore apart black families in the 80s. 


*Commercial Break*


8:27pm Stevie and MiMi are on a "date." Where is this going? He's trying to make up with MiMi. I'm not sure why I spelled her name thus far with two capital Ms.  After 15 years of on & off-ness all you need is a single date? Thats minimal effort though. I know people who have been together less than 6 months who are getting more than this. Gworl you didn't even get flowers? Mimi presents Stevie some kind of paperwork. She's asking for 20% of his business. To her, thats a big deal. She has not once brought up the possibility of marriage. I'm guessing by the finale she will have given him an ultimatum. He's bucking saying he won't give her 10%. I have a feeling they won't make it much longer. Stevie confesses he just wants to see her smile again. He's really laying it on thick. He needs a lesson in charm because I'm not buying this male Alicia Keys act. He ain't no Frankie Lymon either. Why do I feel like he's auditioning for his own record deal tho?  Its official Mimi is a fool in love. She's beyond stupid. She's in blind love. 


8:30pm Kirk is at the studio begging his wife to show up. She's 2 hours late. Her hair is cute tho. Why is she in sweat pants but in full make up? She claims she's late because she has to style herself. That is one of those things that goes without saying because I can tell by her wardrobe choice. The two start arguing on the set. Rasheeda doesn't see it for Kirk and she has a breakdown outside. "Put it on em make me wanna marry me" will probably go fried chicken bronze on the hood charts. 


8:33pm Mimi visits Karlie. The two used to "run together" in LA 10 years ago. By "run together," I think they mean f*ck ballers for condo payments.  Karlie apologizes about letting the cat out of the bag. Mimi is still in denial about Joseline and Stevie J's relationship. He's obviously this season's Fabolous. Mimi tells a lie about having a partnership with Stevie J. Mimi don't run nothin but her mouth. I'm guessing she lied to show Karlie she's one of those smart baby mamas. Karlie is pretending she's buying it. She's just an opportunist lookin for the chance to strike. 


*Commercial Break* Can I just say I'm loving hearing these southern accents? Ok back to the post. 

8:39pm Stevie J is in the studio with Joseline. WTF is that dangling from her ear? Are those blinged out orange slices? Are they dipped tortilla chips? Joseline reveals she's three weeks late. She calls her cycle her "fairy godmother." I'm not judging but thats some hoe shit. Now, I'm no genius but she wouldn't be telling Stevie so early unless he was in the running to appear on "you are the father." Mimi shows up. Her earrings are huge. She reveals she's gonna be "more hands on." Joseline's a smart cookie because she can tell Mimi doesn't run nothin. Why is Stevie asking Joseline her opinion? 


8:42pm Lil Scrappy shows up for the first time. He stopped by to see Erica at her spot. He confesses he's hit some rough times since his debut in 2002. WOW! Its been 10 years since Scrap was hot? Sheesh! Erica wants to make sure they're both on the same page in their relationship. She wants to be more than his baby's mother, but at this point that is all they are. Scrappy claims he likes to be left alone when "he's going through stuff." I'm thinkin thats manwhore speak for "I like to f*ck around and call it being stressed out." Erica talks with her hands. A lot. Scrappy seems like a humbled man. 


*Commercial Break*


8:49pm Joseline and her strong jawbone meet Karlie at the gym. She wants to make it clear she's calling the shots. Yep, her and Stevie have definitely pumped and sweated a few times. Between Joseline & MiMi Karlie doesn't know who is calling the shots about who gets to work with Stevie J. A confrontation ensues. In a public place. Karlie works out in a full face of makeup. That just screams grossness and bacteria buildup to me. Joseline is wearing a belt with glitter on it in broad daylight. 


8:51pm Oh I like this "Heart Attack" song. They play it on the radio too much tho. For some reason Joseline uses an at-home pregnancy test in a public restroom. She's also sitting comfortably on a public toilet. This montage is just too much of not enough good acting. She's crying waiting on a read from that stick. Ooops! She done fuct up and got pregnant. And right as her career was about to take off. Darn! She could have been the next Rihanna. Maybe she will get a spin off about her life as a pregnant artist and we'll get to see her host parties and get discriminated against for having a baby bump in the entertainment industry. 


*Commercial Break*


8:56pm Stevie is wearing a Gucci newsboy hat. He looks ridiculous. Joseline enters the studio in tears. Struggle tears, but tears nonetheless. She's obviously attempting to be distraught. Pause. She brought the pregnancy test with her? Doesn't that thing still have piss on it? Stevie is the first person she told about her pregnancy. She handed him the stick. I'm pretty sure it still has piss on it. Like a typical guy he keeps repeating how she should stop crying. He says "You know you got things to do right? You were supposed to handle this off the rip." I'm pretty sure thats guy speak for "get an abortion." He starts talking about the things they have to do i.e. photoshoots, etc. He keeps asking who the baby's father is. Imma need him to stop frontin like its not his baby. Joseline responds with, "I aint f*ck nobody in the last 6 months but you." Oh well, he's not the first guy to get his side chick pregnant. & judging by the girth of the meat he grabbed, he's packin too. 


*exhale* I feel dirty. 


I just realized Lil Scrappy's mama didn't make an appearance and got very sad. In that order. 


Next episode Joseline tells MiMi she's pregnant by Stevie and a host of other mess. Chi...