S.N.A.P.P.E.D: The Craziest Sh*t I've Ever Done

Love is a real drug. *Rick James voice* 
Once you're "in love" you never want that feeling to go away. No one is safe from getting addicted. I know some women who completely lose themselves whenever they get involved with a man. I know men who do things they said they would never do because they're "in love." Love will make your friends have to do an intervention just to see you. Feeling "in love" can make you do crazy things. Whats the craziest thing *I* have ever done? 
::sigh:: I just know y'all are gonna think I'm still crazy. 

I snooped thru my boyfriend's personal things. 

Since I like to respect people's privacy we're gonna call him Marcus. I can't say exactly when I snapped and snooped, but I believe there were a series of events. Before the point where I felt the need to snoop I considered myself a self-confident, sane, normal and secure woman. When I started to feel insecure I decided not to tell Marcus.  I thought those were "little girl feelings." He was a few years older than me so I thought telling him would have meant I wasn't mature enough to handle a grown-up relationship. Instead of acknowledging my feelings, I convinced myself he was hiding something from me. I didn't know what that *something* was but I decided I would start looking for it. I didn't know what I would find but I prepared myself for the worst. 

One night while he was out, I decided to snoop for the first time. *gasp*  I couldn't believe I was doing it. I sifted thru his nightstand drawers and I didn't find anything. I was disappointed yet relieved. The fear of getting caught coupled with the desire to find enough evidence to convict him was such an adrenaline rush! Over time, I got better at snooping. I did it almost everytime he left me alone. I took special care to study the location of the contents of a space before I snooped so I could put it back together. I started encouraging him to go out with his boys more. He had an insane collection of videogames and a deluxe cable tv package. When he would ask "Well what are you gonna do while I'm gone?" I would respond, "Kick Luigi's ass in MarioKart" with a straight face.  

I gotta testify. 
It got bad. 
It was bad like count the condoms in the drawer bad. 
It was bad like call his credit card company to have them explain certain charges bad. 
It was bad like do his laundry just so I could check his pockets bad. 
It was bad like open his Sprint bill and seal it back bad. 
I feel y'all judging me. 

Then it was horrible. 
It was horrible like ask a friend of a friend to flirt with him just to see if he would say he had a girlfriend horrible. 
It was horrible like going thru his phone and reading his text messages horrible. (This was before texts were threaded.)
It was horrible like borrow my girlfriend's car just to drive by his house horrible. 
It was horrible like midnight pop-ups to his crib horrible. 
It was horrible like I needed a pep talk before I went to see him horrible. 

I snooped everywhere. Failing to find anything significant was not enough motivation for me to stop. All it took was a random phone number in his jeans to keep me going. Everytime I snooped and didn't find anything I felt stupid. That wasn't enough. I had to prove to myself that he was hiding something. One night I told him I was gonna make him a big meal (and I was) but I sent him to the store because I ran outta airheads. This was normal for us. It had been a week since I saw him and I was itching to snoop. I waited 10 minutes after he left before I started snooping. I was all up in the fireplace. He used to call before he came back to ask if I needed anything else while he was still out. After that call I knew I had at least 10 minutes to straighten up. He broke from the routine. He came back without warning. I didn't hear him come home and I didn't hear him walk in. I was so focused on searching the house that I forgot to listen for him. His car alarm was my last line of defense. He definitely didn't hit his car alarm tho. When he walked in I had made my way into the guest bedroom closet. I was caught. I couldn't even think of a lie. He was furious. I've never been in an abusive relationship, but I fully expected him to lose his cool and get physical. He was *that* angry. We didn't even argue. He just told me to go home. 

We tried to stick it out after I got caught but it just didn't work. The trust was lost. It was my fault. He changed my nickname to "Snoopy" and he wouldn't leave me alone in any area of his living space. If I was too quiet cooking dinner he would get up to make sure I was still in the kitchen. He didn't trust me to stay in his car while he went inside of a store. Oh yea, I snooped in his car a few times too. He never left me alone at his place again. He took his cell phone in the bathroom with him. 

He said he hated me for the first few months after we broke up. He said he was so disappointed & confused. Speaking of confusion, has anyone been able to make sense of that "Lookin like Trayvon Martin/George Zimmerman don't want it line? Cuz I still don't get it. 

I saw him in Wal-Mart a few months later and we ended up goin to the Village-Inn and talking out our issues over grits. I love grits. I ended up confessing the full extent of my snooping and he seemed impressed LOL! That convo was the turning point for me. I grew up and recognized how I screwed up. I was able to see how choosing not to share my issues manifested into an even bigger problem. I never ever snooped again. 

In case you're wondering, Marcus and I are still cool. We're not romantically involved but we still keep in touch. When I passed the bar he offered me a stack so I "could celebrate the right way." I turned it down. 

I'm not the only woman who has gone thru a crazy stage. Many women start to allow the spirit of insecurity to creep up on them and can't contain themselves. Some of y'all are judging me, but you're *still* in your crazy stage. I'm talkin to the fellas too. Oh, stalking the people who comment on her Facebook status is ok? You're requesting to follow all the men she tweets on the twitta? You're reading her emails? That is not normal. 

For me, it was just that: a stage. I went thru it and learned a valuable lesson about myself and I don't regret it. If you are dealing with a woman in her crazy stage you gotsta help her get some clarity. Leave her. It won't get any better. If you are a woman in your snooping stage, there is a better life on the other side. Stop snooping. Get some girlfriends who have sense and can tell you how fuct up your ideas are. Grow up and own your insecurities. 

Don't leave me hanging on the crazy train. Whats the craziest thing you've ever done in the name of love?