Matt Barnes Racked up $26k in Parking Tickets & Ratchet Links

Matt Barnes who? LOL! Matt Barnes stars in the latest episode of "Arrested NBA Player." What was he popped for? Allegedly threatening a police officer.  According to TMZ, the star's (I use that term loosely) bail included $26k for an unpaid traffic warrant for driving on a suspended license. Where the phuck was he parking? Why are there people driving w/suspended licenses? Although the on-and-off boo of Basketball Wives star Gloria Govan has been released on bail it looks like this is just the beginning. Matt Barnes, girl you so ratchet. 


TheyBF-Somebody gave Meek Mill a magazine cover. 
WSHH-Chris Tucker is back & tryna pay the IRS. 
ProBlogger- Make $30,000/year blogging full time. Go get your blessing. 
GlobalGrind-2Chainz thinks its cool to be smart.  
C&D-Somaya Reece went from chunky to chic. No shade. 
Toysldrs-A breakdown of durag types LOL! 
Bossip-Flashback to Nicki Minaj before the implants & gimmicks.
PrettierThanPerez-Joseline & Somaya are NOT beefing.

Love & Hip Hop Atlanta: Episode 7 Recap

Its episode siete folks. Aint it funny how time flies when you're being ratchet? Special s/o to all my bar folks who finally get to enjoy an episode and my recap #atthesamedamntime.


Y'all know the drill. We start off with a recap then the show begins. I've had 2 glasses of wine already so forgive me if its laced with cuss words. I'm tired of being humble. Since they gave us half the episode in the preview, I'm just gonna watch this and act surprised.
In case you haven't read previous recaps. . .
Episode 2 Recap
Episode 3 Recap
Episode 4 Recap
Episode 5 Recap
Episode 6 Recap


All of a sudden, I miss Yandy & Crissy. I digress. Watch the full episode here. 

8:03 pm. Keyshia Cole 2.0 and Stebie's Baby Mama are at the studio. Mimi tells KC 2.0 about her and Steebie's relationship drama. I'm gonna go out on a limb & say thats why they're having so many problems. MF can't keep her mouth shut. Who cares cuz y'all are going to counseling? Keep them messy hoes outta yo business. See what KC 2.0 did? She used Mimi's business and wrote a whole damn song about it. I'll be damned if one of my friends does that. Won't be my friend much longer. 


8:04pm.  Karlie meets with her manager, his name is irrelevant. She says she has a lipgloss line, hairline and a line of butt injections in the works. He asks about her relationship with Benzino. Damn that got around quickly. See what happens when you deal with talkin heffas? He wants her to focus her energy on her career & expresses concern about Benzino's reputation. Karlie done got whipped by a dude who everyone runs from in the industry. Chile, have several seats. "Every woman needs love" is what she says. She bout that come up life. Now, I believe KC 2.0 who once said Karlie has tried to screw her way to the top (and failed). 

8:06pm. FINALLY Joseline gets some air time. She's in Steebie's studio wearin a lace cropped top with some daisy dukes. She signed a contract for Stebie to get a 30% cut and she's working on her new song Bailar. If you haven't heard it, the homie PrettierThanPerez got you. Stebie reminds us all that he can send her back to the skeh cluh. Ol girl is rockin one of those gold braided belts from early 2003. Jose says Stebie wants her mouth, vag and brains but he can't have it. Stevie J gives her his best eyes & tells her he's not gonna let up off of her because she's a superstar.


8:15pm. We're in Rasheeda & Kirk's home. Rasheeda with these Ashanti-esque sideburns doe? Kirk just wants more time with his wife. Rasheeda bout to cry. Man, I'm not here for this. Where is my wine? She is doin the most. Rasheeda doesn't want her husband to feel unappreciated. Remember that Cherish song?

8:17pm. Karlie and Benzino been smashin every night. Thats what she meant to say when she said she's been at his house every night. Gotta admit, I didn't peg ol man Zino for a dickmatizer. Benzino wakes this whipped heffa up with breakfast in bed. Where is his neck doe? Oh, he just gave her a house key. If he aint the most whipped & basic MF I have ever seen! He's fuckin up the game. Man, thats not cool. You know what else is not cool? How Karlie came back and told Benzino what her manager said. She talks too much. Some women need to learn how to shut the fuck up. Benzino interrupts her rant with, "Its not like you're so hot yourself either." Her comeback is, "He wasn't sayin that last night." This fool Benzino starts cryin. WHAT IS HAPPENING? WHAT IS GOING ON???  


8:20pm. K. Michelle is doing a show at ATL Live. She's wearing a catwoman suit. Stevie J shows up and Mimi acts like she's surprised. This show is soooo MF scripted its a shame. Stevie J is wearing that old school Jodeci linen suit and he's carrying a rag he stole from his mama's house. You know its hot when you carry around a washcloth. Stevie J performs a whack ass song he claims he wrote for Mimi. Somebody shoulda told Stevie J his ass can't sing. Bet he wouldn't have performed that shit while Joseline was sitting there. I'd be the farm Mimi will drop them draws tonight. 


8:27pm. Mimi & Stevie are conversing outside of the club. Stevie explains the lyrics to the aforementioned song. Mimi wants to know what made him stray. Why? It aint like she's going anywhere. Her necklace is cute tho. Mimi says Stevie doesn't understand how he hurt her. I don't understand how she let a man like Stevie get to her. "You hurt me to the core" she says. Nah, Imma put this one on Mimi. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice or more than that, shame on me. She once said she knows what kinda man she has. If you KNEW & you still fell in love thats on you B. 

8:30pm. Buckeey and Scrappy are spending quality time together. How do hood couples do this? At a pool hall. Bet they had Popeye's for dinner. Why is her wig sitting like that tho? Ohh honey. Scrap tells her about the drama with his babymama. Buckeey has a MF opinion. WHY?! Scrap is in cleanup mode. He says him & Ericka had an agreement for him to give her a lump sum of $3,000. I'm kinda mad he was trippin about 3 stacks, no Andre. Why are they playing a Flo-Rida song? 


8:33pm. KC 2.0 is having a date with a baller. Woopty woo. KC 2.0 has a comic tattooed on her arm. That explains ssooooooo much. She tells him she likes his lips and he kisses her. That didn't take much. What if she said she likes his wallet? Will he whip it out and let her use whats in it? 

8:39pm. Benzino is sitting down with Vincent (Lady Gaga & Mindless Behavior's manager). Finally someone with some credibility on this show! Ol man Zino says Vince is his friend. Karlie shows up with her ass hangin out. Somehow she sees Vincent and thinks she has a chance of being like Gaga. Girl, NO. The 3 sit down and chat and Karlie buys the dream he's selling. 


8:41pm. KC 2.0 meets up with her ex-boyfriend. She wants input from him on why she can't keep a man. She proly can't keep a man cuz she's still hung up on her ex. She needs dating advice so she hits up her ex. Who does that??
He seems like an honest enough guy but where the hell are her girlfriend? KC 2.0 comes to the realization that its her choices that are the problem. I can't get over this comic strip tat on her arm. She's hustling ass backwards. Pickin the wrong guys and being surprised when it doesn't work out. Bet money they're gonna try to work things out. 

8:46pm. Stevie & Mimi are at a therapy session. All these ideas about confidentiality are racing through my mind. Stevie admits he's a liar. I've seen this therapist before. He's like the Judge Judy of therapists. Let that marinate. Mimi is ready to drop her draws because Stevie admitted he's a liar. People lie to police officers about whether they were speeding. He could be admitting to lying about that. But, I digress. Mimi says Stevie had an affair. No sweetie, married people have an affair. Your baby daddy just smanged another chick. The therapist uses the phrase "You were hitting that on the regular" and I wonder why no one was shocked. Stevie drops a bomb and says there are other women. Of course there are others. He's a straight man in Atlanta with a big schlong. Duh! Why do y'all think these dudes are flocking to hotlanta? Sure aint for the Underground Mall. 


8:55pm. Mimi & Stevie are still in their therapy session. "Why does a man cheat? Because a woman lets him" is what their therapist says. Aight now we're getting to the meat of it. Mimi's mother joined Scientology and  abandoned her. She never had someone unconditionally love her. That explains soooo much!!!! Typical "Searching for love in all the wrong places" type of chick. Girllll, I feel sorry for you. Stevie didn't have a mother. So thats their bond? This is deep. They are both wounded. 


On the next episode Old Man Zino is gonna cop a ring for Karlie and it looks like Joseline will be at their next session. These script writers boyyyyyy. Anyway, I'll be watching. 

BECAUSE YOU CARE: Here Comes Honey Boo Boo Child

Yes, its real. You can stop asking and, if you so desire, remove TLC from your channel lineup. Remember when it used to be "The Learning Channel?" Its just TLC now and we won't speculate about what that might stand for now. Pageant queen and country bumpkin Honey Boo Boo Child is getting her own reality show. This time, she's bringing her family along for the ride. Yep, TLC heard our cries and responded. Their focus groups and marketing teams could tell we were allllll wondering about the rest of her family. Watch the trailer below.

The toddler who so famously said, "A dollar makes me holla honey boo boo" will be invading the small screen via TLC on Wednesday August 8. You may recall the controversy surrounding Honey Boo Boo child's parents who creates a concoction of Mountain Dew & Red Bull for HBBC on pageant days to keep her energy up. Will you be watching? 

Oprah Puts a Kid in His Place & Ratchet Links

For those of you not on the twitta, last evening a young man, @awalkdattalk, tried to come for Oprah's philanthropic efforts by asking her when she would give back to the "ghettos in america." I'm sure many of you have heard of the criticisms of Oprah's efforts (or lack thereof) to improve African American ghettos. Auntie Sophia was NOT having it. She kindly responded, "When are u? I've put 500 African American men thru college. And u sir?" Ahahahahahahahahaha. In less than 140 characters Queen O g-checked that child who thought he was just gonna drop that question in her mentions and walk away unscathed. "All my life I had to fight." From now on, I'm ending all debates with "And you sir?" 
YouTube- Ludacris made another strip club song.


Sports- Kobe still thinks white is right.


Mail Online- Ryan Lochte is a wigga with a custom grill.


YouTube- Somebody told this twerk team to shoot videos in a garage.


CNN-Mississippi missed the "post-racial America" memo


KidFury- 2Chainz finally gave me somethin new. 


Twitter-Somebody call Mattel & tell them to remake Barbie.


BlackGirlsAreEasy-Oh, you're a regular dude who wants a dime?  

"How Many People Have You Slept With?"

"She say only fuck bout 4-5 n*ggas so you know you gotta multiply by THREE" -J.Cole

Rapper J.Cole said that verse on his single Nobody's Perfect featuring Missy Elliot. The chorus of the song says, "Nobody's perfect but you're perfect for me." I like that song. I'm tired of hearing that shit on the radio, but I like the song. In the line highlighted above, Cole discusses his imperfect mate by admitting he thinks she lied about her number. That got me to thinking. . .

"How many people have you slept with?"
(OR if you're ratchet) "What's your BODYCOUNT?"

Yes, people are still asking that question. 
People refuse to avoid it.
Its a stupid phucking question.  
Nothing good comes of that question. 
What idiot is keeping that question alive? 
It damages reputations.
It ruins relationships.
That conversation about numbers usually comes up as the relationship is about to progress to a physical level. Person A asks, "Sooo how many people would you say you've been with?" This puts Person B in a hopeless place. Person B wants the relationship to continue on an honest note BUT doesn't want their number to define them. Person B might fish around to see what Person A thinks is a high number as they think about whether they're gonna be honest. Its a lose-lose situation. The consequences all depend on what your partner thinks. If your partner thinks your number is too low you're a lying bastard. If your partner thinks your number is too high, youz a hoe who will never get married. People are dumb. They ask questions they already know the answer to. They ask questions they won't trust the answer to. For the record, I think the question should be eliminated in favor of asking about mutual friends they may have slept with and stds. If you haven't slept with anyone in my circle and you're std free I don't give a flying fuck about how many people you've slept with.  
"Men lie. Women lie. Numbers don't" 
Numbers MATTER. Numbers can be skewed so numbers LIE. Numbers used to only describe crime rates, HIV infection rates, test scores, tire pressure, and food prices (among other things), but we couldn't handle that life. Noooooo we had to add another level. We need a sex number. We need people to keep track of how many people they lay with so they can tell us. Then, we ask. We ask knowing damn well it shouldn't matter. We have a strange habit of forcing people into categories based upon external factors. Numbers matter for men more than they do for women. Any man who says they don't matter is lying. Any woman who says she won't date a man because he has a high number and is std and baby mama free is gonna be forever single. The only reason numbers matter for women is if the number is too low. I'm lookin at you, Mr. "Everybody doesn't get this penis."  Also, if your number is high and you're still whack in bed, we are judging you. Still, no one wants to be in a crowded party where their partner has slept with half of the people in there. The reality is male whores get passes that females won't ever get. I'm not the type of woman who complains about that. I don't even wonder about it. For me, thats life.  

Consider this: A couple mutually decides to take a break. Once they come back from the break they have a conversation about the number of partners they had during the break. He could say 8 and she could say 1. To her, that 8 sounds like a lot, but she always knew he was a sex whore so she might let that slide. She's just happy they're getting back together. To him, that one person sounds like 8. She might as well have been gang banged on Rick Ross' tour bus. Even if the break was 2 years,  the fact that another man's penis penetrated her walls borders on unforgivable. He thinks about it like she cheated. He never told her, but he expected her to save herself for him. She's gonna have to do some major work to make him trust her again and he might still leave her.  Aint that funny? 

I lied about my number for about 2 years. I wanted people to think I was innocent. I *AM* innocent tho LOL! I was technical as all fucks. "Well we weren't in a relationship so he doesn't count" or "Well I didn't enjoy it so that doesn't count."  Sidenote:You know your partner's number is high when they start asking follow-up questions. "Wait a minute, do one night stands count?" or "Does oral sex count?" 

Each time I lied it was by telling a lower number. Cuz what woman whores herself UP? The fuct up thing about that is I was lying about an already LOW number. It seemed high to me because I was young. 4 partners at 21 seemed like A LOT to me! At one point I was lying so much I had to sit down and figure out what it really was. I don't lie anymore because I don't think my number is high. Then again, I'm older and I'm running outta fucks to give anyway. I never went thru a period where I slept with random men to make myself feel good. I didn't have 30 one night stands in college.  I've never been the type to sleep around. I wasn't a "fast" young girl. I developed later in life. I'm also a bit of a tease, more on that later. Perhaps because my male best friends have always kept me on alert about the power of my number. I'm not in the double digits, but I only have a few more slots to go before I'm there. I have to be honest and say that gives me some pause. I feel like I've passed the point where you get passes. I'm old enough to know better than to seek happiness thru my nether regions. I'm smart enough to know having sex with a man won't make him stay. Does this mean I care what people think? Fuck people's opinions, in general. I care about whether the man I'm dating sees me as marriage material and whether he will discount me based on something I can't change. If he will, thats his loss. What would I keep dating him? For me, a double digit number means something. I don't know what it means, but the ways of the world have convinced me its not good. If you're in the double digits, I'm not judging you, but other people will. I'll proly ask you for tips. Live your life boo boo. 

Assigning our reproductive organs a number without context is dangerous. It opens up Pandora's box and yada yada. The good thing is its YOUR life so you get to decide how to approach it. You can decide if some people or some phases get a pass. You can consider timelines and context. The 40 year old virgin was a funny movie, but in real life 40 year old virgins are creepy. Are you 35 but you were a hoe in high school? Are you 28 but you lost your virginity at 13? Are you a professional athlete who has always had people throwing themselves at you?  Are you 24 but you just broke up with your high school sweetheart? Does 6 partners at 32 sound good if you have intentionally stayed with partners to keep your numbers low? 100 partners at 29 doesn't sound so bad if you know the context. Or does it? We are some judging ass people. 

Talk to me...

Twitter: @LegallyRatchet1

Facebook: Talented Generation

Email: TalentedGeneration@gmail.com

Ratchet Song of the Day-Mystikal's "Shake it Fast"

Mystikal's Shake It Fast is brought to you by velour sweatsuits in the summer, paisley printed bandanas and cornrows laced with beads.  Get ya weekend started off right. Listen with me. 

Back when the "Twerk Team" were just fast ass girls in the hood, Mystikal started a verse with "I came here with my dick in my hand" and folks loved it. He featured Pharrell Williams on the hook and encouraged all women to "Shake it FAST but watch yaself" and they did. They shook it & turned around to see it shake. Michael Tyler might have fallen off after doin a bid for messin with lil guls but we're being selective about what parts of the past we remember. As far as I know, this song was before the charges and thats what matters to me, for now. S/o to my folks from the boot! 


Have a great weekend! Watch yaself! 

PHOTO OF THE DAY & Ratchet Innanet Links

Earlier today, First Lady Michelle Obama began fulfilling her official duties as leader of the entire U.S. Olympics delegation. FLOTUS  met the team at their homebase in East London where she posed for pics with players and addressed the group from a podium. She later met up with hottie David Beckham and played sports as part of her Let's Move campaign. I don't doubt FLOTUS will continue showing her patriotism through her outfit choices. Gotta love her! 


I am so excited to watch the athletes compete on the world stage! I never competed in an Olympic sport but if parallel parking while texting was an actual sport I'd at least get a bronze medal. The opening ceremonies will be broadcast on NBC tonight at 7:30pm. 


WSHH-To call them bad ass kids would be an understatement


YouTube- Dora is tryna take her bilingual talents to the big screen.


KidFury-Katt Stacks is still a human being. 


HipHopWired-Somebody told Drake he was an original. Have several seats. 


C&D-Antoine "Hide yo kids" Dodson says he aint beefin w/Chick-fil-A.


MTV-Officer Rick Ross explains the real meaning behind his song "Diced Pineapples"

S.N.A.P.P.E.D: The Craziest Sh*t I've Ever Done

Love is a real drug. *Rick James voice* 
Once you're "in love" you never want that feeling to go away. No one is safe from getting addicted. I know some women who completely lose themselves whenever they get involved with a man. I know men who do things they said they would never do because they're "in love." Love will make your friends have to do an intervention just to see you. Feeling "in love" can make you do crazy things. Whats the craziest thing *I* have ever done? 
::sigh:: I just know y'all are gonna think I'm still crazy. 

I snooped thru my boyfriend's personal things. 

Since I like to respect people's privacy we're gonna call him Marcus. I can't say exactly when I snapped and snooped, but I believe there were a series of events. Before the point where I felt the need to snoop I considered myself a self-confident, sane, normal and secure woman. When I started to feel insecure I decided not to tell Marcus.  I thought those were "little girl feelings." He was a few years older than me so I thought telling him would have meant I wasn't mature enough to handle a grown-up relationship. Instead of acknowledging my feelings, I convinced myself he was hiding something from me. I didn't know what that *something* was but I decided I would start looking for it. I didn't know what I would find but I prepared myself for the worst. 

One night while he was out, I decided to snoop for the first time. *gasp*  I couldn't believe I was doing it. I sifted thru his nightstand drawers and I didn't find anything. I was disappointed yet relieved. The fear of getting caught coupled with the desire to find enough evidence to convict him was such an adrenaline rush! Over time, I got better at snooping. I did it almost everytime he left me alone. I took special care to study the location of the contents of a space before I snooped so I could put it back together. I started encouraging him to go out with his boys more. He had an insane collection of videogames and a deluxe cable tv package. When he would ask "Well what are you gonna do while I'm gone?" I would respond, "Kick Luigi's ass in MarioKart" with a straight face.  

I gotta testify. 
It got bad. 
It was bad like count the condoms in the drawer bad. 
It was bad like call his credit card company to have them explain certain charges bad. 
It was bad like do his laundry just so I could check his pockets bad. 
It was bad like open his Sprint bill and seal it back bad. 
I feel y'all judging me. 

Then it was horrible. 
It was horrible like ask a friend of a friend to flirt with him just to see if he would say he had a girlfriend horrible. 
It was horrible like going thru his phone and reading his text messages horrible. (This was before texts were threaded.)
It was horrible like borrow my girlfriend's car just to drive by his house horrible. 
It was horrible like midnight pop-ups to his crib horrible. 
It was horrible like I needed a pep talk before I went to see him horrible. 

I snooped everywhere. Failing to find anything significant was not enough motivation for me to stop. All it took was a random phone number in his jeans to keep me going. Everytime I snooped and didn't find anything I felt stupid. That wasn't enough. I had to prove to myself that he was hiding something. One night I told him I was gonna make him a big meal (and I was) but I sent him to the store because I ran outta airheads. This was normal for us. It had been a week since I saw him and I was itching to snoop. I waited 10 minutes after he left before I started snooping. I was all up in the fireplace. He used to call before he came back to ask if I needed anything else while he was still out. After that call I knew I had at least 10 minutes to straighten up. He broke from the routine. He came back without warning. I didn't hear him come home and I didn't hear him walk in. I was so focused on searching the house that I forgot to listen for him. His car alarm was my last line of defense. He definitely didn't hit his car alarm tho. When he walked in I had made my way into the guest bedroom closet. I was caught. I couldn't even think of a lie. He was furious. I've never been in an abusive relationship, but I fully expected him to lose his cool and get physical. He was *that* angry. We didn't even argue. He just told me to go home. 

We tried to stick it out after I got caught but it just didn't work. The trust was lost. It was my fault. He changed my nickname to "Snoopy" and he wouldn't leave me alone in any area of his living space. If I was too quiet cooking dinner he would get up to make sure I was still in the kitchen. He didn't trust me to stay in his car while he went inside of a store. Oh yea, I snooped in his car a few times too. He never left me alone at his place again. He took his cell phone in the bathroom with him. 

He said he hated me for the first few months after we broke up. He said he was so disappointed & confused. Speaking of confusion, has anyone been able to make sense of that "Lookin like Trayvon Martin/George Zimmerman don't want it line? Cuz I still don't get it. 

I saw him in Wal-Mart a few months later and we ended up goin to the Village-Inn and talking out our issues over grits. I love grits. I ended up confessing the full extent of my snooping and he seemed impressed LOL! That convo was the turning point for me. I grew up and recognized how I screwed up. I was able to see how choosing not to share my issues manifested into an even bigger problem. I never ever snooped again. 

In case you're wondering, Marcus and I are still cool. We're not romantically involved but we still keep in touch. When I passed the bar he offered me a stack so I "could celebrate the right way." I turned it down. 

I'm not the only woman who has gone thru a crazy stage. Many women start to allow the spirit of insecurity to creep up on them and can't contain themselves. Some of y'all are judging me, but you're *still* in your crazy stage. I'm talkin to the fellas too. Oh, stalking the people who comment on her Facebook status is ok? You're requesting to follow all the men she tweets on the twitta? You're reading her emails? That is not normal. 

For me, it was just that: a stage. I went thru it and learned a valuable lesson about myself and I don't regret it. If you are dealing with a woman in her crazy stage you gotsta help her get some clarity. Leave her. It won't get any better. If you are a woman in your snooping stage, there is a better life on the other side. Stop snooping. Get some girlfriends who have sense and can tell you how fuct up your ideas are. Grow up and own your insecurities. 

Don't leave me hanging on the crazy train. Whats the craziest thing you've ever done in the name of love?

Ratchet Song of the Day-Sisqo's "Thong Song"

Today's ratchet track is brought to you by Duke's hair kits, bedazzled white linen suits and dragon chains. Ya know? Stuff black people like. I don't know how you feel about Sisqo's bitch fits during his Dru Hill days or his reluctance to his us with the obvious stick about his sexuality but I'm over it. Dude churned out some dance tunes. Listen with me.

Blacks accepted this guy after he dyed his hair blonde and went Dennis Rodman 10 times over with silver putty in his hair. We let him prance around in fresh air forces on a beach tryna class up Uncle Luke's style of videography. We watched as he did one handed cunt cartwheels and begged us all to show him our thongs. I have never looked at thongs the same way.

. . .But you AINT GOT No Haters Tho!

I can't be the only one who sees a crusty chick sporting drawn on eyebrows that make her look surprised on the innanets talkin about haters. I can't be. I can't be the only one who sees a fraggle rock lookin dude talkin about how he's so tired of haters. Have several seats. Also, I can't be the only one who looks at posts about "haters" and wonders "But who is hating on you?" Don't try to tell me I'm alone here. Lebron James has haters. The 92 Dream Team had haters. President Obama has haters. Gee-zus had haters. You? You just got people who don't like you. Maybe I need some new interweb friends.

"Hi Haters." 
"Haters are my motivators."

"Haters gone hate."

*Posts pic of new car* "This one is for my haters."

"Behind every successful person lies a pack of haters."

"Dear Lord, please forgive my haters." 

"I have my own life to live. I don't have time to worry about haters." 

"Phuck a hater. I'm winning!" 

"Thanks to haters, I'm famous." 

"You haters really need to find something better to do with your life." 

If you're still spending your time posting about haters, youz a basic bitch. Yep I just said that. I meant that. You mad at that? Then I'm talkin to you. Everytime you get something new, you're showing it off for all to see. Maybe its not that people are hating, maybe its just people are annoyed because we can tell you're not used to nice things. People out here with REAL haters are keepin it on the hush while you and your deflated dreams continue to tell us how haters are tryna keep you down. No you fustercluck. Gravity keeps you down. Phuck you for calling me corny. That was funny.  

I'm convinced people are making up haters. Convinced! Made up haters make it seem like you're doing something others think is worthy of "hating." Why are people still even addressing their haters? Why do people still think we care that they think they have haters? Lemme holla at ya for a second. Turn your ear towards my mouth and listen very carefully. NO ONE BELIEVES YOU.

Fill me in here cuz I'm struggling. What about you says "Hate on me?" Lets see. . .

Your Luxury Car. But you financed that thang out 72 months tho.   

Your Social Network Followers. But you got 12,000 followers and not one real friend tho. 

Your Designer Bag. But you got that thang on sale at an outlet. On top of that, you gave mad sloppy top to get a dude to buy it for you.  

Your Cute Spouse. But you gotta give 'em all your money just so they will stick around. 

Your Expensive Shoes. But they're from last season's collection and you had to save up for 'em. 

Your Job/Salary. But you don't even have dental benefits or paid vacation days. You ain't a baller if you make $35k/year. Just thought I'd clear that up. 

Your Physique. But your body is a 10 and your face is a 6. Your 6 pack is one full time job away from being a gut. That phatty of yours is gonna look like cottage cheese in 5 years anyway. Those tig-ol-bitties look like back problems to me. 

Your Life. Oh, people are jealous of your lifestyle? Why? Cuz you go to the clubs in VIP with a few ballers who follow you on twitter? Yea we're ALL jealous of how you drop everything just to be seen on the scene with them.  

If you THOUGHT you had haters before today, lets hold hands as we say goodbye to that lie. Welcome to reality. Your perceptions of yourself are off. You have a Victorian image of yourself and its time to accept who you really are. Hahaha someone said that to me last year and I have been WAITING to use that! 

The NEXT time you see someone YOU know doesn't have haters complaining about "haters" just say "But you AINT GOT no haters tho." Don't forget to put a smiley face behind it. Honeys love smileys. 

Twitter: @LegallyRatchet1

Facebook: Talented Generation

Email: TalentedGeneration@gmail.com

So You Finished The Bar. . .

Congratulations!! You have accomplished something great. Ok its not *that* great in the grand scheme of things but hey I'm tryna give you some encouraging words here. You proly feel like "MF don't congratulate me until I pass" and thats ok. I won't be the last person to congratulate you so get used to it. Non-lawyers think you have done something great. People who always wanted to be lawyers think so too. Since your body is still in study mode and you're looking for something to read, I'm here for you ^__^!

If you haven't done so already, go on over to Facebook and post "I finished the bar." I know my Texas and Cali folks have one day left and they're in my prayers. 

I wonder if I'm going to get this reminiscent feeling each time the bar rolls around or if I experienced it this time because I'm a noob? I remember my bar experience like it was yesterday. Yes I'm about to share a few things from my bar experience. 

I don't usually get test anxiety because I'm pretty good at taking standardized tests. There was something about the bar that gave me an anxious feeling. I thought about all the long days of prepping and I just wanted that shit to pay off. I finished the first 2 sessions within a minute of the time allotted and wondered how I would get thru the second day. That struggle was SOOOO real! The first night I could barely sleep because I went back over my notes and realized I had gotten a few questions wrong. Big mistake. 

I walked out at the end of the second day not knowing how I did. I wanted a drink tho. I just hoped I passed because I could not see myself surviving a second go-round. I remembered the law I made up on the essays and the MBE questions I just Christmas Tree'd because I didn't know the answer. I prayed throughout the entire test and made so many deals with God I'm still working on honoring my word. I've never prayed so hard in my life! I had so many plans for things to do after I finished the bar & I only accomplished 2 things: Get drunk & sleep. Those are the only 2 things that matter right? Did you have a similar experience? Cool story. 

Here are 5 things you can expect to experience over the course of the next few months. 

1. Remembering the Questions You Struggled with. You're going to spend time kicking yourself over the questions that gave you a hard time. Thats normal. The questions I *think* I missed were the questions that plagued me the most. I don't even KNOW if I really missed them. I know I misstated the elements of false imprisonment in my essay and that haunted me. After I passed, I realized I wasn't giving myself credit for the questions I answered easily. 

2. Getting Asked "How did the bar go?" People are going to ask. You will get annoyed. You can smile and say "It went" and people will follow up with "So do you think you passed?" Just take deep breaths and remember unless you live in DC everyone is not a lawyer so they don't understand what you just went thru. Tell them you're not sure and you will be sure to share your results when you get them. Then, change the phuckin subject. 

3. Wonder Whether You Did "Enough?" You're gonna think about those nights you were on Twitter when you should have been reviewing. You're gonna think about the dates you went on with your significant other and feel bad for wondering if you should have gone on the date. You're gonna think about the nights you called it quits early. This one will drive you nuts. Celebrate your progress. Just visualize yourself posting "I passed the bar" on Facebook. 

4. Catch Up. Catch up on your bar application and make sure that is up to date so once you DO pass you can get sworn in asaptually. Catch up with your family and friends as they have most likely felt neglected. Catch up on your reading list, politics, fav tv shows, laundry and whatever else tickles your fancy. Catch up on resting your body. You're going to be in bar mode for a few days even though you're probably feeling exhausted. Give yourself a few days where you don't wake up to an alarm. 

5. Enjoy this time. For many of you this is the first time you haven't had to do anything school related. Celebrate! Enjoy the time off. Take pleasure in the whole experience of not having to go to class or answer to a professor. Its an awesome feeling. If you don't already have a job, find a way to get paid doing what you love. Find some peace of mind because its gonna be time for results before you know it. 

So what if you think you failed? So phuckin WHAT? Fact is, the test is over and you have to move on. You can't call the board of bar examiners & say "Aye check this out I know I got question 74 wrong. I selected D when I KNEW it was C. Can y'all look out for me and change that?" Dwelling on what you may have done wrong is putting a down payment on a problem you may never have: retaking the bar. Even if you have to retake it, it is not the end of the world. Cross that bridge when you get there. The bar is not a one trick beast, if you don't tame it the first time go back in the paint and try again. A setback is a setup...well you know. 

Realize you did what you needed to do. If you didn't do all the work or if you didn't stay focused the whole time you're gonna get a little anxiety. That is normal. The last 2 weeks of prep I went totally off of the study plan and that was a source of anxiety for me after the bar. I kept asking myself, "Who the hell do you think you are?" All of the anxiety and relief you're feeling right now is normal. If you can, ease back into the real world. You're like the cousin who just got out of the joint LOL! 

Twitter: @LegallyRatchet1

Facebook: Talented Generation

Email: TalentedGeneration@gmail.com