NEW MUSIC: Chris Brown & The Game Diss Drake (lyrics & translation included)

In case you didn't know, an international war amongst light skinned & Canadian folks was started a few weeks ago when members of Chris Brown & Drake's camps started throwing bottles at each other. White people were hurt. Chris uploaded this picture to his Instagram after the fight, which is rumored to be over who really takes the best care of Rihanna's snatch. 


To commemorate their newfound love and set to the amazingly ratchet "Thats that shit I don't like" beat, The Game, Kanye West, Chris Brown and some others got together and decided to diss people. What people? C'mon now do we really care? Take a listen. 

Chris said what? "They throwin bottles. I'm throwin models. Just cuz I give a b*tch long pipe. Doin shows on the soccer field thats dome right? I be singin, he be singin so its on site (or sight). But hold up I aint give a n*gga no green light. This head up, my bread up. One-on-one what you scared bruh? *Ross Grunt* Mattafact take care bruh. You a p*ssy n*gga. My N*gga Tunchi, yea that n*gga nice. Shout out Nicki, man that ass tight. Them eyebrows? Man them shits is YIKES! OvO(?) you overdose screaming YOLO no I live TWICE." *giggle* Boy, you so lyrical. 
  
For those of you who don't understand the "hood" Chris is speaking, here is the translation: 

You hit me with a bottle, but I am hung like a horse and only have sex with models. You only have issues with me because I had sex with your girl. I sell out shows, which is like receiving fellatio. We both told our side of the story so it should not be a problem for us to handle this situation as soon as we see each other. 

I never said it was ok for you to go (after Rihanna). I'm rich and I'm challenging you to fight me. Whats wrong? Are you afraid of a physical altercation with me? Protect yourself. You're not someone I fear anyway. Props to Lil Wayne, he's talented. Nicki Minaj I think your hind parts are admirable. [Drake] your eyebrows are scary. Your motto, "YOLO" is whack and does not apply to me. 

I don't know if Drake is gonna stand for the eyebrow slander. That might be enough to start a(nother) riot. 


Doesn't the Game have a tattoo of a butterfly under his eye? Didn't his album go bronze fried chicken? Aside from that Chris Brown is a light skinned thug. No one takes them seriously unless they have tear drops under their eyes. As for Kanye, he is on probation for reasons unrelated to this song and totally related to his decision to date KK. That is not up for discussion. If you're wondering why his verse doesn't seem to "fit" its because he didn't record this verse with the rest of the folks. 


*Sigh* I just need Chris' PR people to get together. 

Tidbits: The Today Show Viewers Did NOT See it For Ann Curry & MORE!

Early Thursday morning, Today Show veteran Ann Curry made an emotional announcement that she would no longer serve as co-anchor of the popular morning show. Curry took over as co-anchor a year ago when Meredith stepped down. You ain't heard this from me, but rumor has it the announcement was not Curry's own decision. Word on the curb is that viewers complained about Curry's performance which was partly to blame for Today losing its spot as top morning show to GMA for the first time since 1995.
Watch the footage below.

 

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

The saddest line, "For all of you who saw me as a groundbreaker, I'm sorry I couldn't get the ball over the finish line, but man, I did try." The statement smelled like disappointment. Watching Curry's goodbye message, I shed a single tear from my left eye because I could see the hurt. I'm woke tho so I caught the body language of her co-anchors.


I've watched her on Today for years and I remember fond moments like when she chopped her long locks to show support for Locks of Love. She struggled through more than a few interviews and it was hard to watch. Maybe her new position as a national and international correspondent will prove a better fit. Godspeed Ann Curry.


Other Randoms: 
*Adele is Pregnant! Story. Wonder who she is gonna invite to her baby shower, tho? 


**Beyhive get READY! After 3 years of noticeable absences Beyonce will make an appearance at the BET Awards. I got $5 on BET giving her all of the awards she's nominated for just off GP. Story. 

Reader Submitted: White Ratchets Exist

Gone somewhere with your concerns for racism.
Fresh off the ObamaCare win, you people just won't let me be great.

Yesterday while I was minding my own business celebrating a successful flexirod style, one of you people dropped this beautiful bean footage on me. I have not decided whether to thank you or sponsor your busfare to hell. I'll let you know later.

You people thought only blackards could be ratchet. Well what do we have here? He's a white rapper. His name is Krispy Kreme. He has dreams of making it big.

These two geniuses thought it was ok to film an entire music video holding guns while snot streamed down to their upper lip. Besides that, his word play is just crazy. I can barely follow along with the metaphors. Don't just take my word for it, listen for yourself.

Lemme be the first to admit I was first disappointed that this Krispy Kreme rap isn't about fried dough sprinkled with cocaine Krispy Kreme's doughnuts. Where is the ode to the Krispy Kreme hotlight? Where is the anthem for people who have almost caused a car accident because of said hotlight? My advice to the kid: if you're going to call yourself Krispy Kreme you gotta dream big and become the doughnut retailer's favorite rapper. Otherwise, I formally request for you to shut the fcuk up.

BUSTED: You Ain't Ratchet! Stop lying to Yourself.

Ratchet. That trendy word we struggle to define but we know it when we see it. A ratchet used to be a device that allows continuous linear or rotary motion in only one direction. That aint the ratchet I'm talkin about. The ratchet I'm talkin about is a noun and an adjective. Oft used to describe excessive indulgence of ghetto things, ratchet has evolved. Everybody wants to be ratchet. Ratchets live a carefree life. Who doesn't want to be young, wild and free? 


Oh, you think you're ratchet? Bet money these 21 questions prove you aint. 

1. Do you own cheetah print leggings?

2. Do you own a lace front?

3.Are you-at this very moment-wearing false eyelashes? 

4. Have you ever created a twerk team video?  

5. Do you know any low level drug dealers? 

6. Have you ever been to jail? Were you set up?

7. Do you post ass/ab shots on Instagram daily?
8. Did you buy rims for your car with your income tax refund?
9. Is government assistance part of your income?

10. Have you covered up a tat of your ex's name?

11. Do you stand in line for Jordans?

12. Have you EVER demanded for the feds to free Lil Boosie?

13. Do you put personal things on social networks then complain when people are in your business?
14. Do you claim "Ninjas aint shit" & all the good men are taken?
15. Do you sneak liquor into the club?

16. Do you have a favorite 2Chainz song?

17. If you could become a famous stripper would you do it?  

18. Do you own an article of clothing from Baby Phat, Coogi, USPA or House of Dereon?

19. Do you buy jewelry from the kiosks in the mall?  

20. Do you have a facial piercing?

21. Do you have a chest or neck tattoo?

Now its time to see which one of you is lying about being ratchet. 
If you said YES to...
1-5 Questions: You ain't ratchet. Mattafack you need to stop saying the word ratchet. You ain't even a hoodrat. You're just a person tryna scare people by makin 'em think you're ratchet. Have several seats. 
6-11 Questions: You have ratchet tendencies. You wanna be ratchet but you need to keep your job. You may talk like a ratchet or dress like a ratchet. You still need more people. Saying "Girl, I'm so ratchet" ain't enough. 
12-21 Questions: You ratchet. Everything you do is ratchet. You don't give a damn what you do or who judges you. Your own mama can't tell you nothing. You got everybody's man chasin after you. All the honeys want you. Your poon is yankin. Your pipe drives women crazy. Your weave is laid. Your eyelashes slay.Your shoe game swag makes jealous hoes envy you. 


In case you're wondering, I answered yes to 2 questions. It is possible I wrote questions I knew I would say no to because I don't wanna be ratchet (LOL!). 


Where do you rank?

Mr "Come Over and Chill" and other Ninjas Selling Pipe Dreams

Ninjas are out here selling dreams. 
They ain't selling reg'la dreams doe. They outchea selling pipe dreams. Fanciful hopes and schemes game proper. 

Oh yea, they be schemin. 

The more I think their selling tactics are outdated bullsh*t, the more I see women falling for it. Why do we do this ladies? The game hasn't changed. The game won't change. The only thing that has changed is what women demand from men. Women are still outchea letting men sell em pipe dreams and wondering why they can't get a man to commit. Who are these men? I'm so glad you asked! 

Mr. "Come Over & Chill." His response to you asking to see him is always "come over and chill." He's the guy who never wants to take you out.  Ya'll have never gone on a date and at this rate, you never will. You keep asking him to take you out and he keeps carrying on like you never said a word. He aint lazy, he's just lazy with you because you let him. All he didn't was come over and chill twice before he smashed. Now, you want effort. Now, you want him to court you. Hustling backwards #likeamug. He won't put in any real effort because he doesn't think he needs to. He knows your type and he's planned to exploit your weakness. He sees how much you want companionship a relationship and he sees how you're not asking much of him. NC-17 of Black Girls are Easy said this...

"...men figured out a long time ago that a woman who’s thirsty for love is worse than a guy who’s thirsty for pussy. No matter how loud you complain about not going out, never spending real time, or feeling unappreciated, if you like him enough you will continue to talk to this kind of man."

That just about sums it up. Peep the rest of the article on Black Girls are Easy.

The Exceptions: He's put actual effort into the "coming over" part like making you a nice dinner. He's told you he's serious about getting to know you. Also, if you have already gone on several dates its ok to take it easy in the comfort of your own home.  If you want a relationship and not just a companion, your best bet is to start off acting like it. 

Mr. Let's Just Watch a Movie. He's a first cousin to the come over and chill guy. In fact, they are more like brothers who were raised in the same household. Mr. LJWM uses the movie as bait to get himself into the game. While you're trying to figure out how to spend time together he suggests "Why don't I just come over to your crib and watch a movie?" He knows the hardest part is getting you to let him come over so once you say yes its ON. All bets are off and he assumes you know what he really meant by "watch a movie." If he wants you to think he respects you, he will at least get through the previews before he makes a move. Don't worry, he will pretend he buys your act that you're surprised he "tried" you.

The Exceptions: If you have gone on a few dates, its ok to take it easy and just watch a movie. You have to let him earn cheap dates. Going out to the movies is a cheap date, renting a movie from redbox and buying popcorn at Target is an even cheaper date. Once you start out accepting cheaper dates you'll be one of those women lookin forward to Valentines Day at Red Lobster. Make sure you make your expectations clear and hold him to them.  

Mr. Let me Just Put the Head In. Yes, I really just said that. Oh, its not dark yet? Is  it too early? Chill. We're all adults. If you can't handle a little midday peen imagery its time for you to grow up asaptually. We all know this ninja still exists. He can appear in the form of a f*ck buddy, boyfriend or husband. He usually shows up after you've told him you don't feel like gettin freaky. He doesn't care, he's horny. He'll tell you he won't go all the way, he just wants to slide the tip in for a second. He is the godfather of pipe dream salesman. He's won awards for the pipe dreams he's sold. He sells you a sample and gives you the whole schlong. Incredible. 

The Exception: You can go for it if you want to. Don't try to act like you're conservative when you're not. Don't act like you didn't go see him lookin to get poked and stroked. If you came for the licky licky sticky sticky, get whats yours boo. 

My goal here is not to make ladies feel like crap. I'm all about uplifting and loving everyone. This whole post was my way of encouraging women to demand more from the men in your life. Don't be so afraid of being single that you accept 20% of a man's effort just because he's physically present. If he hasn't decided you're worth the effort you think you deserve, he's not the man for you. Alls I'm sayin. 

BECAUSE YOU CARE: How Chad Johnson Proposed to Evelyn Lozada

Given her recent rise to fame as the President of the "You aint bout this life" coalition on VH1's Basketball Wives, Evelyn Lozada has been open about her life and her past. Still, the couger-aged reality vixen managed to remain pretty tight lipped about how Chad actually proposed to her. I'll give you a hint, he didn't go all out. Back up, he didn't even go "out." She recently let the cat out of the bag during a radio show interview. The host asked her how Chad proposed and she responded, 


"I wish I had a really romantic story to tell you, but it's not so romantic. A jeweler came to the house, had a few rings, he had my ring in a separate box. I, of course, chose that one. [Chad] had a headset on and he was like, ‘You like it?' and I was like, 'Yep' and I put it on and he goes, 'Okay cool,' and he started playing Call of Duty."


Oh, thats why Call of Duty has a pause button! 


So there you have it. He didn't go all out. He didn't assemble their friends and family.  He didn't get down on one knee. He didn't give a sappy speech. He didn't make a whole song and dance video. He simply got her the ring and asked her if she likes it. Perhaps its a testament to his laid back personality or a sign of things to come. *shrug*


Ya'll didn't ask me but even though I think the whole thing is a sham I'm ok with the fact that they both seem ok with where their relationship is going.  Thats all that matters. Nevermind the doubters and haters, if Chad chose to marry the woman who decided to sleep with him after the first date who the hell am I to judge? According to Chad, the two met on twitter. Double win. Evelyn has been open about her decision to sleep with Chad on their first date and look ladies she still got her ring. Do you boo boo. *Evelyn voice* 


Anywho, I'm too busy tryna get this pay-pah to spend time tryna analyze someone else's relationship. The two are set to wed somewhere sometime next week. Last time I cared to click a link about their relationship I read no venue in Miami was willing to host their wedding. Wompity womp. 


Lozada claims she's not sure whether she will return to BBW next season. Guess she's waiting to see those ratings from her spinoff. Make that money honey, don't let it make you. 

On Another Level: The Real Mistresses of Atlanta Trailer

The interwebs have been turned on its side by the trailer for the latest reality show: The Real Mistresses of Atlanta. I love messy people as much as the next person but from the looks of the trailer, the show features people with a whole bunch of "slashes" and not a lot of sense. They describe themselves as models SLASH video vixens and so on and so forth. I know no one asked me but they look like a bunch of sluts SLASH people who need to have several seats to me. Did they find these people on Craigslist selling ass?

According to the people featured (which includes a homosexual man) the definition of a mistress is "...a woman who is in charge. She is the other woman. She is the one who gets it done." This really happened, ya'll. With names like Mary Jane and Malia Michel (from the Drake line "someone tell Malia I'm on fiyah she should work tonight") the mistresses allow the cameras to follow them while they live their lives sleeping with another woman's man and spending money from a married household. Riding around & they gettin it. To say the least, they are some bold bishes.

Whoa dere! Thats 8 minutes and 26 seconds of my life I'll never get back. Weezy F. Baby's Ex's current boo is the one who gave this project the greenlight. Ya'll really need to stop this shit.

I won't cap like I won't watch the first episode just to see how far television programming has gone down the toilet. If they're not gonna drop names (especially the guy who claims to sleep with pro athletes) or feature sit downs with the wife/girlfriend, I will be disappointed.

You hear that? Its the sound of men calling their lawyers about getting gag orders before this show airs.
Thoughts?

"Sorry Boo, You just AINT my Type"

Its the stuff broken dreams are made of.
You may have said it and been called an asshole.
You may have heard it and tried to understand what it means.

Picture it:
Girl meets guy.
Girl dates guy.
Girl befriends guy on Facebook.
Girl stalks guy's pics on Facebook.
Girl gets guy to agree to be her boyfriend and posts her "in a relationship with ____"update.
Girl smangs with guy.
Girl realizes she is the complete opposite of guy's ex-girlfriends.
Girl stalks guy's photo "likes" and comments on FB.
Girl gets insecure.
Girl asks guy 7 times/day whether she's really his TYPE.
Guy ignores girl until she starts withholding sexual favors.
Guy admits, "I'm sorry boo, you really AINT my type."
Girl is hurt by guy's admission.
Girl wins FB race to "go from 'in a relationship' to 'single'"
See? Broken dreams, B.

Cocky MFs everywhere, this one is for you. This one's for the people who think everyone should want them. I've got news for you...You AIN'T everyone's "type."

Everyone has an ideal type. Mine is Stringer Bell. Yes, you care. I know I'm not going to marry and procreate with Stringer Bell, but when it comes to men who make my lady parts quiver, the "Stringer Bell" type is at the top of my list. I like a man who is nice and charismatic, but also has a bit of an edge. Y'all can judge my preference, but I know a guild of men who proudly wear the badge "ass man" OR "titty man." I'm a "Stringer Bell" kinda girl. People have preferences. People have a right to like what they like. Its ok to be confident and love yourself, but I stopped by here today to let you know that you're not gonna fit everyone's image of what they want in a mate. Aside from that, some men wouldn't scratch your walls with someone else's...nevermind. 

"Sorry Boo, you just aint my type" could be a nice way of saying, "You're butt ugly and I'm not interested" or it could refer to a host of other things. They could be referring to something physical or a personality trait that turns them off. They could be referring to where you are in your life versus where they are. Keepin it real they could mean they just wanna smang and don't see a future beyond doing that. 

People don't always want what they say they want, but some things they won't budge on. She's 6 feet tall and you tip the height scale at a solid 5 feet 1 inch. If she likes tall guys don't waste your time barking up the wrong tree. Pun. She might like men with locs and you're going bald. He could be a breast man and you're an A cup. He could be an ass man and you've got NOASSATALL. He could be a home body and you're a party animal. He could be a dark skinned black man who doesn't find dark skinned women attractive. Opposites attract, you say? I'm chillin.

Here's how it works: He can't have Keri Hilson so he goes after women who look like her. Thats right, the man you like goes after a bunch of fake ass Keri Hilson's. If you're more Macy Gray than Keri Hilson, you ain't his type. If she's a phat model chick lookin for a dude with fat pockets but you're fresh outta grad school with Sallie Mae on your jock, it proly won't work. Grab a chair & have a seat in the friend zone. 

Women struggle with hearing "You're not my type" more than men. Thats because we think if we have sex with a man it means we're his type. Women shol is crazy. We think we're so amazing that every man will want to make an honest women out of us. Its a cold day when a woman first realizes she's not every man's type. By "every man" I mean every man she has a chance in hell of dating in the first place. Its easy to say 2Chainz isn't your type when you know good and well he aint checkin for you. Truuuuuu. 

Imma start a riot. Imma start a riot. 

Cool story: A man once asked me to describe my physical "type." I sat there in the comfort of my own shallow spirit and described someone who looked the complete opposite of him. Then cracked a smile. I'm an asshole, but not quite a horrible person. 

If the person you like has a type that's completely opposite of what you are, just give up. If they aren't willing to compromise on petty attributes as opposed to looking at your character, let 'em go. Don't go on a mission to show them why they're wrong. Don't lie to yourself. I'll never be a busty white blonde with blue eyes. I don't ever want to feel like I have to become that in order for a man to love me. I'm lookin at you, Lil Kim. Don't be stuck on stupid because 1 person out of several million people in your area told you you're not his/her type. 

People show you who they are it is up to you to pay attention. Don't get caught off guard with a "sorry boo, you just aint my type" speech. Take a look at some of the clues they send you about their type. Bear in mind, people claim they want one thing but tend to go after another.  Look at the people they lust after on their wallpapers. Pay attention to the people they compliment. If you don't look like them chances are. . .

This is the point where I wrap up the post. You AIN'T cute to everybody. Everybody AIN'T attracted to you. Everybody DON'T like you. No lie. No lie. No lie ei ei ei.

Talk to me...

Twitter: @LegallyRatchet1

Facebook: Talented Generation

Email: TalentedGeneration@gmail.com

Funny to ME: The Ratchet Snickers Commercial

The brothers behind the Youtube sensation turned iTunes single "Ratchet," Emmanuel and Phillip Hudson, have dropped another jewel for all to enjoy. The duo produced a ratchet Snickers commercial parody of the commercials that famously declare "You're not yourself when you're hungry." 


Take a gander below! 

"I know one thing you betta getcho knees outta my BACK!"
*falls on floor* 




Follow the duo on Twitter
Phil: @PhillnMyself

Emmanuel: @_kosher

Like I said, funny to ME :) 

YEEN 'Bout That Life: 10 Signs You Aint as "Hood" as You Think You Are

"You aint bout that life." 

Fresh out of f*cks to give.

Some of ya'll say all the syllables. I'm southern so its more like "Yeen bout dat life." Ya'll get it. You may have heard people saying it and wondered what it meant. It is both a challenge and an insult. It is both a push and a pull. It is both disrespectful and motivational. I've seen some people define it as "The persona you portray is contrary to the actual individual that you are." Nobody really knows what it means, but its provocative. Gets the people goin!

I grew up in the hood. I don't mean "hood" as in short for neighborhood. I mean I grew up in a real hood with gangs, drug dealers, prostitutes and men with several unclaimed children. Remember when Superbowl MVP Santonio Holmes said he once sold drugs? We grew up in the same hood. I never sold drugs tho and he didn't either. Even growing up in the hood, my parents didn't play. Thats why I was never about any life other than getting my education.

I like to think I USED to be about that life. That was before I realized the hood way of doing things is not the way to do things. Nam Sayin? Ya'll can judge but I know I'm not the only educated person with a little hood edge. I have street sense AND book smarts. Where the honeys at?


Young Professionals: We're young enough to still make mistakes, but we have enough life experience to be held to a higher standard. There comes a time for all young professionals who like to think we were raised in the hood to let go of the hood mentality. You have to outgrow your hood tendencies because you can no longer afford to be about that life. What life? Well that depends on the situation. 

10 signs you ain't bout that life...

10. Your response to a potential physical fight is "Hold up, don't let the (insert accomplishment or comment about outer appearance) fool you." You also think twice before allowing an argument to continue escalating. You ain't bout that lose your mind to prove your street cred life.  


9. You have a lot to lose. You have friends who also have a lot to lose. Ya'll aint bout that co-conspirator life. 


8. On a wild night out, no one in your crew is taking pictures of the crazy sh*t ya'll do. Ya'll aint bout that photographic trail of proof life. 


7. You don't get chocolate wasted in public. You aint bout that maximum poppage party life. 


6.  You remove yourself from a situation once it becomes questionably legal. You aint bout that run from the feds life. 


5. You let it slide when people bump you ONCE in a club. You aint bout that fighting in the club life until you realize they're bumping you on purpose. 


4. Your iPhone goes missing and after you realize you won't get it back, you simply report it stolen. You aint bout that Apple iThug life. 


3. You dance without your ass touching the floor. You aint bout that buss it open for complete strangers life. 


2. You show up to your full time job on time everyday. You aint bout that fast money life. 


1. You don't post incriminating things (i.e. posts about guns, drugs and sleeping at work) on social networks.  You aint crazy. You aint bout that setting a case up for the feds life.  

Yeen 'bout that life. I ain't 'bout that life. We're too old to be 'bout that life. Some of ya'll haven't even SEEN that life. Stop, before you hurt yourself. 

Since I know ya'll so well I'm gonna tell you what life you ARE 'bout: 

That CC your boss on a passive aggressive email life.


That delete your browsing history at work life. 


That pay your bills on time life.


That complain about your Sallie Mae payment life. 


That live within your means life.


That increase your credit score life. 


That budget money for vacations life. 


That I need an exit strategy because I hate my job life.


That I won't get a tattoo I can't cover up because I want a decent job life.


Thats the life you're about. You haven't been in a physical fight in over 8 years. You are not a thug. Just live with it.

LOVE & HIP HOP ATLANTA: The Episode 2 Recap

I decided to do this at 7:59pm. 
Let me just start off my saying the only person I actually knew from this show was Lil Scrappy and I didn't even know he was still trying to make music. *shrug*

First, we start with a bait montage aptly referred to as "This season on LAHHA." A.LOT.  Next, we are treated to a recap of last week's episode which introduced all of the characters and set gave fans a taste of Atlanta's hip hop scene. The highlight of last week's episode was K. Michelle's party when Stevie J chose the leave the party with his his new "artist" Joseline instead of his chick of 15 years, MiMi. He obviously doesn't know shit about taking care of home. 
Isn't it amazing how VH1 used to be the red-headed step child of MTV? 

8:01pm MiMi has a sit down with her best friend Ariane about the goings on of "last night." She now knows what we've all known all along: Stevie J & Joseline are f*ckin. Only question is how often. Ariane sets out in her confession to help Mimi "break this addiction to Stevie." I'm hoping by "break this addiction to Stevie" she means she is going to help her get enough sense to leave Stevie for good.  Ariane asks Mimi if she will ever leave him & there is a dramatic pause. We all know the answer to that.  
8:03pm Rasheeda, the female underground hip hop entertainer gets her turn to share screen time with her family, which includes Kirk- her husband of 12 years, and her brood of (step)chil'ren. Rasheeda is an independent artist managed by Kirk. She thinks a female artist can be mainstream and hood. Also, she's is in the process of choosing her first single (I'm assuming from her new album but don't quote me on that) and she thinks something called "Legs to the Moon" is gonna take her to the top. I'm not sold. She's pretty tho. I wonder if that sounds anything like Plies' new song Feet to the ceiling. Whatever.


8:06pm Karlie, another aspiring artist, is shown walking to meet Stevie J in the studio. She is also looking for a hit song. Surprise! Surprise! Joseline is there. Joseline doesn't speak English well. Its probably her third language. Her breasts are also very far apart. On the last episode Karlie spilled the tea and told everyone Joseline & Stevie were "dating." I can tell Karlie is gonna be pinned as the messy one. Joseline tries to clear it up that she and Stevie J are just "working together." Joseline's eyelashes are distracting. She also claps when she talks. She also thinks calling another woman's boyfriend "daddy" is acceptable.  


*commercial break* I need to get my mind together for the rest of this show.  


8:13pm Stevie J admits he "might have fuct up" and since its difficult to smooth things over with Mimi as she hasn't been answering his calls, he decides "Imma pop up at her job." BOOM! I knew he was a "Pop up at your job" type of man. Pause. He's at someone's house. Where does she work? A bed & breakfast? MiMi questions Stevie whats going on with the two of them. After she asks Stevie J to tell her he is not or never has slept with Joseline he struggles to keep a straight face. He wants to make peace because he's afraid of child support. I may or may not have made that up. He offers her 5% from Joseline's project. Mimi asks for 10% of everything. What is 10% of nothing? Don't answer that. Her "spidey senses" have told her Stevie is f*ckin Joseline. Captain Obvious doesn't live around here. Bet money Mimi's dad was a deadbeat.


8:17pm Back to Rasheeda and her husband riding through the city. What is up with those braids? Rasheeda plays her single "Marry me." The lyrics, "Put it on 'em make 'em wanna marry me" are words every woman can relate to according to her. I can't relate tho. She wants to take her career to the next level. Nevermind her music, she plans to do so with a real video made with a REAL director and better production. For some reason the fact that she's driving and her husband is riding in the passenger side is confirmation Rasheeda wears the pants in *that* relationship. When she starts talking, her husband can't get a word in edgewise. Poor fella. 


8:19pm Oooh an ice cream shop. I should go get some ice cream. Wait, I'm supposed to watch this for the play by play. Erica is having ice cream with her mother, Mingon(?). Erica's mom wants to know whether Erica thinks her boyfriend & baby's father Lil Scrappy is a boy or a man. Erica's mom has been absent from her life for the past 10 years due to drug addictions and a stint in the pen. She got addicted to crack cocaine while Erica was 4 or 5. Her mom served time in prison and Erica was raised by her aunt and uncle. Thee days she sports "baby hair" edges and a two-toned fingerwave. Thats probably why this conversation feels 10 years too late. In case you didn't know, Lil Scrappy once broke up with Erica to date female rapper Diamond. You may know her from the verse 4 of the Crime Mob song "Knuck if you Buck." Erica's diagnosis is "Scrappy is a boy becoming a man." Safe answer. Round character development like a mothaf*cka. The tears are flowing after the two start discussing their past. Erica says her past is the reason she is the kind of mother she is today. I just realized how much crack tore apart black families in the 80s. 


*Commercial Break*


8:27pm Stevie and MiMi are on a "date." Where is this going? He's trying to make up with MiMi. I'm not sure why I spelled her name thus far with two capital Ms.  After 15 years of on & off-ness all you need is a single date? Thats minimal effort though. I know people who have been together less than 6 months who are getting more than this. Gworl you didn't even get flowers? Mimi presents Stevie some kind of paperwork. She's asking for 20% of his business. To her, thats a big deal. She has not once brought up the possibility of marriage. I'm guessing by the finale she will have given him an ultimatum. He's bucking saying he won't give her 10%. I have a feeling they won't make it much longer. Stevie confesses he just wants to see her smile again. He's really laying it on thick. He needs a lesson in charm because I'm not buying this male Alicia Keys act. He ain't no Frankie Lymon either. Why do I feel like he's auditioning for his own record deal tho?  Its official Mimi is a fool in love. She's beyond stupid. She's in blind love. 


8:30pm Kirk is at the studio begging his wife to show up. She's 2 hours late. Her hair is cute tho. Why is she in sweat pants but in full make up? She claims she's late because she has to style herself. That is one of those things that goes without saying because I can tell by her wardrobe choice. The two start arguing on the set. Rasheeda doesn't see it for Kirk and she has a breakdown outside. "Put it on em make me wanna marry me" will probably go fried chicken bronze on the hood charts. 


8:33pm Mimi visits Karlie. The two used to "run together" in LA 10 years ago. By "run together," I think they mean f*ck ballers for condo payments.  Karlie apologizes about letting the cat out of the bag. Mimi is still in denial about Joseline and Stevie J's relationship. He's obviously this season's Fabolous. Mimi tells a lie about having a partnership with Stevie J. Mimi don't run nothin but her mouth. I'm guessing she lied to show Karlie she's one of those smart baby mamas. Karlie is pretending she's buying it. She's just an opportunist lookin for the chance to strike. 


*Commercial Break* Can I just say I'm loving hearing these southern accents? Ok back to the post. 

8:39pm Stevie J is in the studio with Joseline. WTF is that dangling from her ear? Are those blinged out orange slices? Are they dipped tortilla chips? Joseline reveals she's three weeks late. She calls her cycle her "fairy godmother." I'm not judging but thats some hoe shit. Now, I'm no genius but she wouldn't be telling Stevie so early unless he was in the running to appear on "you are the father." Mimi shows up. Her earrings are huge. She reveals she's gonna be "more hands on." Joseline's a smart cookie because she can tell Mimi doesn't run nothin. Why is Stevie asking Joseline her opinion? 


8:42pm Lil Scrappy shows up for the first time. He stopped by to see Erica at her spot. He confesses he's hit some rough times since his debut in 2002. WOW! Its been 10 years since Scrap was hot? Sheesh! Erica wants to make sure they're both on the same page in their relationship. She wants to be more than his baby's mother, but at this point that is all they are. Scrappy claims he likes to be left alone when "he's going through stuff." I'm thinkin thats manwhore speak for "I like to f*ck around and call it being stressed out." Erica talks with her hands. A lot. Scrappy seems like a humbled man. 


*Commercial Break*


8:49pm Joseline and her strong jawbone meet Karlie at the gym. She wants to make it clear she's calling the shots. Yep, her and Stevie have definitely pumped and sweated a few times. Between Joseline & MiMi Karlie doesn't know who is calling the shots about who gets to work with Stevie J. A confrontation ensues. In a public place. Karlie works out in a full face of makeup. That just screams grossness and bacteria buildup to me. Joseline is wearing a belt with glitter on it in broad daylight. 


8:51pm Oh I like this "Heart Attack" song. They play it on the radio too much tho. For some reason Joseline uses an at-home pregnancy test in a public restroom. She's also sitting comfortably on a public toilet. This montage is just too much of not enough good acting. She's crying waiting on a read from that stick. Ooops! She done fuct up and got pregnant. And right as her career was about to take off. Darn! She could have been the next Rihanna. Maybe she will get a spin off about her life as a pregnant artist and we'll get to see her host parties and get discriminated against for having a baby bump in the entertainment industry. 


*Commercial Break*


8:56pm Stevie is wearing a Gucci newsboy hat. He looks ridiculous. Joseline enters the studio in tears. Struggle tears, but tears nonetheless. She's obviously attempting to be distraught. Pause. She brought the pregnancy test with her? Doesn't that thing still have piss on it? Stevie is the first person she told about her pregnancy. She handed him the stick. I'm pretty sure it still has piss on it. Like a typical guy he keeps repeating how she should stop crying. He says "You know you got things to do right? You were supposed to handle this off the rip." I'm pretty sure thats guy speak for "get an abortion." He starts talking about the things they have to do i.e. photoshoots, etc. He keeps asking who the baby's father is. Imma need him to stop frontin like its not his baby. Joseline responds with, "I aint f*ck nobody in the last 6 months but you." Oh well, he's not the first guy to get his side chick pregnant. & judging by the girth of the meat he grabbed, he's packin too. 


*exhale* I feel dirty. 


I just realized Lil Scrappy's mama didn't make an appearance and got very sad. In that order. 


Next episode Joseline tells MiMi she's pregnant by Stevie and a host of other mess. Chi...