Love & Hip Hop Atlanta: Episode 7 Recap

Its episode siete folks. Aint it funny how time flies when you're being ratchet? Special s/o to all my bar folks who finally get to enjoy an episode and my recap #atthesamedamntime.


Y'all know the drill. We start off with a recap then the show begins. I've had 2 glasses of wine already so forgive me if its laced with cuss words. I'm tired of being humble. Since they gave us half the episode in the preview, I'm just gonna watch this and act surprised.
In case you haven't read previous recaps. . .
Episode 2 Recap
Episode 3 Recap
Episode 4 Recap
Episode 5 Recap
Episode 6 Recap


All of a sudden, I miss Yandy & Crissy. I digress. Watch the full episode here. 

8:03 pm. Keyshia Cole 2.0 and Stebie's Baby Mama are at the studio. Mimi tells KC 2.0 about her and Steebie's relationship drama. I'm gonna go out on a limb & say thats why they're having so many problems. MF can't keep her mouth shut. Who cares cuz y'all are going to counseling? Keep them messy hoes outta yo business. See what KC 2.0 did? She used Mimi's business and wrote a whole damn song about it. I'll be damned if one of my friends does that. Won't be my friend much longer. 


8:04pm.  Karlie meets with her manager, his name is irrelevant. She says she has a lipgloss line, hairline and a line of butt injections in the works. He asks about her relationship with Benzino. Damn that got around quickly. See what happens when you deal with talkin heffas? He wants her to focus her energy on her career & expresses concern about Benzino's reputation. Karlie done got whipped by a dude who everyone runs from in the industry. Chile, have several seats. "Every woman needs love" is what she says. She bout that come up life. Now, I believe KC 2.0 who once said Karlie has tried to screw her way to the top (and failed). 

8:06pm. FINALLY Joseline gets some air time. She's in Steebie's studio wearin a lace cropped top with some daisy dukes. She signed a contract for Stebie to get a 30% cut and she's working on her new song Bailar. If you haven't heard it, the homie PrettierThanPerez got you. Stebie reminds us all that he can send her back to the skeh cluh. Ol girl is rockin one of those gold braided belts from early 2003. Jose says Stebie wants her mouth, vag and brains but he can't have it. Stevie J gives her his best eyes & tells her he's not gonna let up off of her because she's a superstar.


8:15pm. We're in Rasheeda & Kirk's home. Rasheeda with these Ashanti-esque sideburns doe? Kirk just wants more time with his wife. Rasheeda bout to cry. Man, I'm not here for this. Where is my wine? She is doin the most. Rasheeda doesn't want her husband to feel unappreciated. Remember that Cherish song?

8:17pm. Karlie and Benzino been smashin every night. Thats what she meant to say when she said she's been at his house every night. Gotta admit, I didn't peg ol man Zino for a dickmatizer. Benzino wakes this whipped heffa up with breakfast in bed. Where is his neck doe? Oh, he just gave her a house key. If he aint the most whipped & basic MF I have ever seen! He's fuckin up the game. Man, thats not cool. You know what else is not cool? How Karlie came back and told Benzino what her manager said. She talks too much. Some women need to learn how to shut the fuck up. Benzino interrupts her rant with, "Its not like you're so hot yourself either." Her comeback is, "He wasn't sayin that last night." This fool Benzino starts cryin. WHAT IS HAPPENING? WHAT IS GOING ON???  


8:20pm. K. Michelle is doing a show at ATL Live. She's wearing a catwoman suit. Stevie J shows up and Mimi acts like she's surprised. This show is soooo MF scripted its a shame. Stevie J is wearing that old school Jodeci linen suit and he's carrying a rag he stole from his mama's house. You know its hot when you carry around a washcloth. Stevie J performs a whack ass song he claims he wrote for Mimi. Somebody shoulda told Stevie J his ass can't sing. Bet he wouldn't have performed that shit while Joseline was sitting there. I'd be the farm Mimi will drop them draws tonight. 


8:27pm. Mimi & Stevie are conversing outside of the club. Stevie explains the lyrics to the aforementioned song. Mimi wants to know what made him stray. Why? It aint like she's going anywhere. Her necklace is cute tho. Mimi says Stevie doesn't understand how he hurt her. I don't understand how she let a man like Stevie get to her. "You hurt me to the core" she says. Nah, Imma put this one on Mimi. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice or more than that, shame on me. She once said she knows what kinda man she has. If you KNEW & you still fell in love thats on you B. 

8:30pm. Buckeey and Scrappy are spending quality time together. How do hood couples do this? At a pool hall. Bet they had Popeye's for dinner. Why is her wig sitting like that tho? Ohh honey. Scrap tells her about the drama with his babymama. Buckeey has a MF opinion. WHY?! Scrap is in cleanup mode. He says him & Ericka had an agreement for him to give her a lump sum of $3,000. I'm kinda mad he was trippin about 3 stacks, no Andre. Why are they playing a Flo-Rida song? 


8:33pm. KC 2.0 is having a date with a baller. Woopty woo. KC 2.0 has a comic tattooed on her arm. That explains ssooooooo much. She tells him she likes his lips and he kisses her. That didn't take much. What if she said she likes his wallet? Will he whip it out and let her use whats in it? 

8:39pm. Benzino is sitting down with Vincent (Lady Gaga & Mindless Behavior's manager). Finally someone with some credibility on this show! Ol man Zino says Vince is his friend. Karlie shows up with her ass hangin out. Somehow she sees Vincent and thinks she has a chance of being like Gaga. Girl, NO. The 3 sit down and chat and Karlie buys the dream he's selling. 


8:41pm. KC 2.0 meets up with her ex-boyfriend. She wants input from him on why she can't keep a man. She proly can't keep a man cuz she's still hung up on her ex. She needs dating advice so she hits up her ex. Who does that??
He seems like an honest enough guy but where the hell are her girlfriend? KC 2.0 comes to the realization that its her choices that are the problem. I can't get over this comic strip tat on her arm. She's hustling ass backwards. Pickin the wrong guys and being surprised when it doesn't work out. Bet money they're gonna try to work things out. 

8:46pm. Stevie & Mimi are at a therapy session. All these ideas about confidentiality are racing through my mind. Stevie admits he's a liar. I've seen this therapist before. He's like the Judge Judy of therapists. Let that marinate. Mimi is ready to drop her draws because Stevie admitted he's a liar. People lie to police officers about whether they were speeding. He could be admitting to lying about that. But, I digress. Mimi says Stevie had an affair. No sweetie, married people have an affair. Your baby daddy just smanged another chick. The therapist uses the phrase "You were hitting that on the regular" and I wonder why no one was shocked. Stevie drops a bomb and says there are other women. Of course there are others. He's a straight man in Atlanta with a big schlong. Duh! Why do y'all think these dudes are flocking to hotlanta? Sure aint for the Underground Mall. 


8:55pm. Mimi & Stevie are still in their therapy session. "Why does a man cheat? Because a woman lets him" is what their therapist says. Aight now we're getting to the meat of it. Mimi's mother joined Scientology and  abandoned her. She never had someone unconditionally love her. That explains soooo much!!!! Typical "Searching for love in all the wrong places" type of chick. Girllll, I feel sorry for you. Stevie didn't have a mother. So thats their bond? This is deep. They are both wounded. 


On the next episode Old Man Zino is gonna cop a ring for Karlie and it looks like Joseline will be at their next session. These script writers boyyyyyy. Anyway, I'll be watching. 

BECAUSE YOU CARE: Here Comes Honey Boo Boo Child

Yes, its real. You can stop asking and, if you so desire, remove TLC from your channel lineup. Remember when it used to be "The Learning Channel?" Its just TLC now and we won't speculate about what that might stand for now. Pageant queen and country bumpkin Honey Boo Boo Child is getting her own reality show. This time, she's bringing her family along for the ride. Yep, TLC heard our cries and responded. Their focus groups and marketing teams could tell we were allllll wondering about the rest of her family. Watch the trailer below.

The toddler who so famously said, "A dollar makes me holla honey boo boo" will be invading the small screen via TLC on Wednesday August 8. You may recall the controversy surrounding Honey Boo Boo child's parents who creates a concoction of Mountain Dew & Red Bull for HBBC on pageant days to keep her energy up. Will you be watching? 

Reader Submitted: White Ratchets Exist

Gone somewhere with your concerns for racism.
Fresh off the ObamaCare win, you people just won't let me be great.

Yesterday while I was minding my own business celebrating a successful flexirod style, one of you people dropped this beautiful bean footage on me. I have not decided whether to thank you or sponsor your busfare to hell. I'll let you know later.

You people thought only blackards could be ratchet. Well what do we have here? He's a white rapper. His name is Krispy Kreme. He has dreams of making it big.

These two geniuses thought it was ok to film an entire music video holding guns while snot streamed down to their upper lip. Besides that, his word play is just crazy. I can barely follow along with the metaphors. Don't just take my word for it, listen for yourself.

Lemme be the first to admit I was first disappointed that this Krispy Kreme rap isn't about fried dough sprinkled with cocaine Krispy Kreme's doughnuts. Where is the ode to the Krispy Kreme hotlight? Where is the anthem for people who have almost caused a car accident because of said hotlight? My advice to the kid: if you're going to call yourself Krispy Kreme you gotta dream big and become the doughnut retailer's favorite rapper. Otherwise, I formally request for you to shut the fcuk up.

BUSTED: You Ain't Ratchet! Stop lying to Yourself.

Ratchet. That trendy word we struggle to define but we know it when we see it. A ratchet used to be a device that allows continuous linear or rotary motion in only one direction. That aint the ratchet I'm talkin about. The ratchet I'm talkin about is a noun and an adjective. Oft used to describe excessive indulgence of ghetto things, ratchet has evolved. Everybody wants to be ratchet. Ratchets live a carefree life. Who doesn't want to be young, wild and free? 


Oh, you think you're ratchet? Bet money these 21 questions prove you aint. 

1. Do you own cheetah print leggings?

2. Do you own a lace front?

3.Are you-at this very moment-wearing false eyelashes? 

4. Have you ever created a twerk team video?  

5. Do you know any low level drug dealers? 

6. Have you ever been to jail? Were you set up?

7. Do you post ass/ab shots on Instagram daily?
8. Did you buy rims for your car with your income tax refund?
9. Is government assistance part of your income?

10. Have you covered up a tat of your ex's name?

11. Do you stand in line for Jordans?

12. Have you EVER demanded for the feds to free Lil Boosie?

13. Do you put personal things on social networks then complain when people are in your business?
14. Do you claim "Ninjas aint shit" & all the good men are taken?
15. Do you sneak liquor into the club?

16. Do you have a favorite 2Chainz song?

17. If you could become a famous stripper would you do it?  

18. Do you own an article of clothing from Baby Phat, Coogi, USPA or House of Dereon?

19. Do you buy jewelry from the kiosks in the mall?  

20. Do you have a facial piercing?

21. Do you have a chest or neck tattoo?

Now its time to see which one of you is lying about being ratchet. 
If you said YES to...
1-5 Questions: You ain't ratchet. Mattafack you need to stop saying the word ratchet. You ain't even a hoodrat. You're just a person tryna scare people by makin 'em think you're ratchet. Have several seats. 
6-11 Questions: You have ratchet tendencies. You wanna be ratchet but you need to keep your job. You may talk like a ratchet or dress like a ratchet. You still need more people. Saying "Girl, I'm so ratchet" ain't enough. 
12-21 Questions: You ratchet. Everything you do is ratchet. You don't give a damn what you do or who judges you. Your own mama can't tell you nothing. You got everybody's man chasin after you. All the honeys want you. Your poon is yankin. Your pipe drives women crazy. Your weave is laid. Your eyelashes slay.Your shoe game swag makes jealous hoes envy you. 


In case you're wondering, I answered yes to 2 questions. It is possible I wrote questions I knew I would say no to because I don't wanna be ratchet (LOL!). 


Where do you rank?

Funny to ME: The Ratchet Snickers Commercial

The brothers behind the Youtube sensation turned iTunes single "Ratchet," Emmanuel and Phillip Hudson, have dropped another jewel for all to enjoy. The duo produced a ratchet Snickers commercial parody of the commercials that famously declare "You're not yourself when you're hungry." 


Take a gander below! 

"I know one thing you betta getcho knees outta my BACK!"
*falls on floor* 




Follow the duo on Twitter
Phil: @PhillnMyself

Emmanuel: @_kosher

Like I said, funny to ME :)