Most young adults would be content celebrating their 21st birthday with a trip to Las Vegas, but rap superstar Soulja Boy had a grander idea.
For his 21st birthday Thursday, the Atlanta rapper bought himself a $35 million dollar private jet, a rep from his management team reportedly told TMZ.
But apparently, the G5 jet needed some "Pretty Boy Swag" upgrades. According to reports, Soulja will be spending an additional $20 million dollars to add flat screen TVs, 4 liquor bars, a dozen Italian leather seats, Brazilian hardwood cabinets, and travertine tiled flooring.
The restroom will be remolded and enlarged, and the aircraft will get a new custom paint job featuring his logo.
A spokesperson for Soulja Boy had not responded to our request to confirm the jet purchase by press time.
On Friday, the "Crank That" rapper, will host a birthday extravaganza in Miami believed to cost $300,000. Sean Kingston, Bow Wow, and Dwight Howard are expected to attend. The event will be streamed live from SouljaBoyBirthdayBash.com at 11 p.m. eastern.
In April, Soulja Boy told Hip Hop Media Training that he was planning to team up with MTV for a Las Vegas-based bash. "MTV [is going to] be doing my birthday party. It's going to be in Vegas. I'm going to be in Vegas," Soulja Boy said. "MTV is going to be doing it just like I did my swag eighteenth party. I don't know. It's going to be my first time being 21. So I'm just gonna do me."
--- Say it with me: C'MON SON! ...and then when no one cares and everyone stops buying his music he won't be able to keep up with the payments. Hold on let me back up a bit. I cannot continue without sharing how utterly disgusted I am by this. What a COON a$$ move! Regardless of how much money HE THINKS he has, Soulja Boy isn't hot like he was a few years ago. His album sales have tanked and hip hop continues to suffer from the song plus dance craze he started. I wonder about the identity and credentials of his financial advisor. I mean seriously, WhoTF approved this? I am not wishing ill on him or anyone else but I think this is an example of the ridiculous financial decisions people make when they go from nothing to a whole lot of something. I sure hope the $300,000 party is a rumor because there are clubs that will pay celebs to host parties so anyone who wants to drop $300k when they can make easy money is a fool. Granted, you may not host the club you want to host but if somebody gave me $10k to host MY birthday party, I wouldn't hesitate. If he keeps making decisions like this, in a few years he will be on some documentary discussing how he blew all of his money and regrets making dumb decisions. Mark my words!
I'm a loyal customer and I just got a GREAT deal!!
Companies want to keep you as a client. You are the source of their revenue and without you, they could not stay in business. Don't get too excited and think spending $900 on a louie bag will impact their business. Newsflash: They won't miss your pennies. What they care about is their bottom line. They know it costs less to keep you as a loyal customer than it is to recruit new fair weather clients. The cost is high and the return on their investment is low. Companies know customers are likely to spend more and to share their experience with friends if they feel appreciated and welcomed.
Being a loyal shopper pays off!Rite Aid has a new program where after you spend a certain amount, you get 20% off of the entire store for the rest of the year. There isn't a store near me so I have CVS' ExtraCare card. It allows you to shop, save and get 2% of your money back in the form of ExtraCare rewards that may be used towards future purchases. My friend and I shopped at a store today that gave her a $25 store credit just for shopping today. How awesome is that?? I can't keep the secret any longer, here are 3 ways you can easily become a loyal customer:
1. Sign up for E-mails. Have you ever wondered why sales associates randomly ask you for your emails? Do you decline the invitation because you are worried the email alerts will clog up your inbox and kill your Crackberry battery? No need to fear. Create another email account and use it specifically for coupons. Victoria's Secret just asked for your email? No problem! Did you know those emails sometimes include exclusive coupons and offers? You won't miss out on those deals if you give them your "coupon e-mail." You get the benefit of receiving their special offers without it affecting your main email account. Whats more, for some stores the more you enter your email the better offers you receive. Creating a "coupon email" account will make it easier for you to receive special offers. If you know its not likely to affect your main account you will be more likely to continue to enter your email and get bumped up the list. The top email clients get special treatment at most stores and are even eligible for discounts other customers don't qualify for. As employees get to know you, they may add you to their client contact list and call you when special saless are about to start so you can plan ahead.
2. Sign up for Customer Rewards Cards. Go to customer service or the concierge and ask about a rewards program. If you don't feel comfortable doing that, spark up a conversation with an employee and ask them about their frequent shopper programs. These programs are most often available at grocery stores and some retail stores. The best programs are free or cost little to nothing. Be on the lookout for those programs that allow you to become a "rewards" or loyal member without having to impact your credit. For example, my favorite store, Carol's Daughter offers a rewards program that is $25 per year that allows you to save 10% off of every purchase. I paid the fee and since I shop for hair products so often, the $25 fee paid for itself after only a few visits. I also signed up for a rewards card at my grocery store so I could take advantage of in-store promos and I also rack up points that I can also use towards getting a discount on gas purchases at shell. *double whammy* My keychain also has rewards cards from Hallmark($1 for every 300 points at 10 points earned for every dollar you spend), Finish Line (for my athletic clothes), Godiva (free piece of chocolate every month), AutoZone, Blockbuster (yea its outdated) and I even have a customer card from Auntie Anne's Pretzels. Yes thats right, even Auntie Anne's pretzels has a (somewhat secret) rewards card. Their pretzels are pretty pricey but I get a free pretzel for every 10 I buy and get a stamp for. The card was free but they don't openly broadcast it so you will have to ask.
3. Shop Frequently. The best way to become a loyal customer is to be a dedicated customer. If they give you coupons to use on a future visit, go back to use them. Develop a good relationship with the business and its employees. Allow them to see you as someone who appreciates the quality of the products offered. You have the power of the purse. Wield it. Make it known that you could have gone anywhere else but you chose to spend your money in their business. Many stores and kiosks have employees that work off of commission and who are always looking for dependable clients. Even if the stores or bars you frequent do not have a rewards program, it will prove beneficial for you to forge relationships with employees who are great for hookups. Yes I just said that. What harm will it do if you know someone who works at all of your favorite stores? I'm not saying build relationships for the sole purpose of using people for their discounts or free drinks. I am advocating for all of you to start thinking about tapping into your networks for your benefit. If you already frequent certain businesses, make your frequency known. Don't get cocky and demand special treatment by bragging about all the money you spend, people don't like that. Instead, get to know the management team and play that to your advantage. Give them your email address and give them permission to contact you if they come across products you may like.
Did I miss any tips on how to become a loyal customer? Do you know of any customer loyalty programs I might have missed?
GREAT morning my beauties! Did you miss me yesterday? I missed you. I was so distraught by our separation I was forced to console myself with some retail therapy. Isn't that AWFUL? I know, I know. Ok, I'm kidding but doesn't it make you feel good to feel like someone missed you? Moving on.
Here is today's quote:
If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise. ~Johann von Goethe
I had a random epiphany yesterday while I was driving listening to Monica. Now granted, it could have been the way she sang "You're everything to me..." but I'm gonna give all the credit to the man all the way upstairs-God. Now for the past few weeks, I have become comfortable going to church alone, praying and reading my bible. I can say this in confidence because there was a time when I didn't do any of these things alone. If I didn't have a friend to accompany me I didn't go to church. I didn't pray on a daily basis and I trusted my parentals to tell me about the bible. I'm not ashamed to admit that. You can judge me all you want but your judgment is not what matters to me. I appreciate you reading though *bats eyelashes*. I'm proud of my growing faith. Do I still have one foot in the "world?" Yes I do. Does this mean I will continue to make mistakes? Heck yes! Now back to my epiphany: You cannot share your blessings with everyone. Sad, huh? Now I admit I may be a little late on this, but I always recognized that I could not share my struggles with everyone. I learned that lesson the hard way. What I never really thought about was how sharing your blessings could affect people who are not as blessed. When I hear about someone being blessed, even when I'm not where I want to be I am genuinely happy for them. I know its hard out here for a pimp. I am happy when my neighbor is blessed because it means my time is coming since God is working in my neighborhood. It reminds me that God is still blessing people and I recharge my faith in him. Everyone does not understand that. Everyone does not embrace that. I realize all of you do not believe in God but I do. I do not apologize if you have a problem with that. I am not saying you should not GUSH about your blessings, you deserve to celebrate your accomplishment. Just saying, be careful.
Random fact about me: One of my fears with sharing is that I am not just sharing with the person Im talking to. My best friends have best friends. My best friends have boyfriends. I accept that sharing with my friends in serious relationships also means I am sharing with their spouse and I am ok with that. What I am not ok with is when people share things to folks outside of the circle of trust. For all of you visual learners, here is the circle *draws circle* and here is the person who inadvertently knows my business is on the outside of said circle *points outside of circle*. How does this fit in with the rest of the post? It doesn't, but I wanted to share it anyway.
Share to your heart's desire but do not be disappointed when everyone doesn't throw confetti your way. Everyone will NOT be happy for you when you secure a job in this recession. Everyone will NOT be happy that your household has two incomes. Everyone will NOT be happy that you are not burdened with children and you have the resources to travel as you please. I know the title of this post is "morning inspiration" but I would be remiss if I didn't also give you a dose of reality. I hope I didn't stir up any trouble.
SN: If you're in the DC/MD/VA area this weekend, partake in the festivities of the Omega Psi Phi celebrating their centennial! I'm sure they will be filled with ample opportunities for debauchery and unforgettable moments. Congrats to the Ques!
GREAT morning beautiful people!! Happy Hump Day! Congratulations! Why? Because you have made it to the mid-point of the week. Ok that was a little lame but you get the point. Don't cap like you haven't hit any rough patches this week. The days you thought would never end are behind you and its time to conquer a new day. Oh that wasn't what you were thinking? Well good for you! Check out today's quote:
"Pain is your friend; it is your ally. Pain reminds you to finish the job and get the hell home. Pain tells you when you have been seriously wounded. And you know what the best thing about pain is? It tells you you're not dead yet!" -Master Chief John Urgayle (From the movie G.I. Jane)
As my folks in the military would say, PAIN is weakness leaving your body. I agree because you experience pain when you push yourself to your limits. Pain is a sign of progress. No pain, no gain right? The more you push yourself the more you will feel pain. For example, I jog about 3 times a week. Each morning I teeter on whether I should go farther than my normal route. I teeter because I have to decide whether I want to feel the pain that comes from pushing myself a little farther or if I will be satisfied with completing my normal distance. On the days when I follow my normal route, I feel zero pain. On the days I decide to push myself the extra mile, I can feel the difference. But guess what else? After I have pushed myself to go the extra mile my normal route becomes easier to conquer. My point is once you have pushed yourself beyond the point you thought you could not go you become a stronger person than you were before. You will find it easier to complete more basic tasks and the more you push yourself the more confident you will become. Before long, you will start to feel invincible and adventurous. Embrace that journey!
I realize we have all gone through our own trials but I think its a universal truth that through those trials you realized how strong you really are. There may have been nights where you cried and that is ok. I believe it was the prophet Lyfe Jennings who said, "crying is like taking your soul to the laundrymat." What I hope all of you know is that you are worthy of being happy. I don't mean Facebook happy where all you post is positive status updates. I don't mean walking around merely thinking you deserve to be happy, I mean I want you all to be genuinely filled with joy so much that your happiness adds an unmistakable glow to your skin.
Some of us (myself included) have been fighting doing what we know we should do because of fear. We fight taking the leap of faith because we are control freaks who like to know the outcome in advance. Do not be afraid of doing something because you have never done it before. You deserve to see your dreams come true. If you have been off of the beaten path lately, find your way back. Consider this an urgent message for all of you to get more serious. Lets be honest, you aren't getting any younger. People say its never too late to follow your dreams, but why wait? Why allow anything to get in your way? I would like to hear your justification for not following your dreams. I understand you have bills, hell I have bills too but thats not stopping me from finding time for my passion. Eventually, I plan on turning my passion into a business but until that time I don't skip a day where I'm researching, writing and learning new things. My leap of faith is coming soon, I hope yours is too.
SN: I'll be moving today so excuse the lack of posts.
P.S. Best of luck to those sitting for the bar today, especially in states like Cali & Texas where they have a 3rd day of testing tomorrow. I'm rooting for ya!
In case you missed it, last night was the premiere of the revival of Teen Nick shows from the 90s. according to several sources, high fan demand has urged Nickelodeon's TeenNick channel to air daily blocks filled with classic 90s Nick shows. "The 90s are All That", the name of the block will air on TeenNick. The network featured popular shows like Kenan and Kel, Doug, All That and more. Tweeters from the 80s and early 90s were taken back to a happy place and if my timeline is any indication of the success of the show, it was welcomed with open arms. The shows will air every weeknight at midnight.
I love this since the 90s era on Teen Nick was a big part of my childhood. Now if only BET would bring back shows like Hits from the Streets and Teen Summit...
A woman talking about football? Yes, we exist. Before you get up on your high horse trying to criticize this post (even if you only do it in your head) I'm not claiming to be an expert on football; however, I think there are basics women, especially women dating men who like football, should know.
Now that the lockout is pretty much over (I hope the players took the time to review what they are getting out of the deal), its time to take a few moments to refresh our football knowledge.
I aimed this post at ladies because I refuse to trust a man who doesn't know jack sh*t about football. I know those men exist but when I meet them I don't trust them. I'm an ex-cheerleader and I grew up looking forward to the Friday Night Lights. Judging me? Do whatever helps you feel better. If a man can't enjoy a beer and a good game of football, he's not playing with a full deck of cards.
Ladies, I realize there are still a few of you who still dont know how to act when football season starts so here are a few tips: Do not get upset with him for not paying attention to you. Do not try to talk to him during the game unless you're naked or dressed in see thru lace. Do not EVER under any circumstances throw your b!tch fits during the game. Do not complain when he cheers or yells at the TV. Do not question why he yells at the TV. Do not walk in front of the TV. Save it all for the halftime show. Do not ask him to go on dates on football nights. If you REALLY love him, you will fix him snacks and tell him its ok to invite his friends over to watch the game. If you do not understand the game, Google what you dont know. Do not attempt to hold a conversation or ask 100 questions about why the quarterback took so long to throw the ball or why they hit each other so hard. If you really don't know much, just focus on how sexy the men look in those tights. Yikes! Between NFL.com, ESPN and your man you should take this opportunity to learn about the greatest sport on earth!! Ok not really. Actually, Americans are the only people who are nucking futs about football. But, I digress. If you dont have a man, learn common football terms and tune in to the game long enough to converse comfortably about the game. Sports is always a great way to break the ice. Don't go to the extreme by trying to assert your expertise about sports in sports bars or you will look like a douche. Massengill. Since I still encounter females with no basic knowledge of football (baffles me every time), I am going to help you out with a few football basics: 1. The Schedule: The NFL Schedule usually includes a sixteen-game regular season schedule, spread out over seventeen weeks from NFL Kickoff on the second Thursday in September through the first Sunday in January of the following year. The season culminates in the playing of the Super Bowl. Its still unclear how the lockout might affect this year's schedule, if at all.
The regular season is slated to begin on Thursday, September 8, 2011 with the New Orleans Saints traveling to Lambeau Field, the home of the Super Bowl XLV champion Green Bay Packers; and end with Super Bowl XLVI, the league's championship game, on February 5, 2012 at Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis. 2. The Scores: All progress in a football game is measured in yards. The offensive team tries to get as much "yardage" as it can to try and move closer to the opponent's end zone. Each time the offense gets the ball, it has four downs, or chances, in which to gain 10 yards. If the offensive team successfully moves the ball 10 or more yards, it earns afirst down, and another set of four downs. If the offense fails to gain 10 yards, it loses possession of the ball. The defense tries to prevent the offense not only from scoring, but also from gaining the 10 yards needed for a first down. If the offense reaches fourth down, it usuallypuntsthe ball (kicks it away). This forces the other team to begin its drive further down the field.
There are five different ways to score points in football: a touchdown, a field goal, a safety, a two-point conversion, and an extra point. The most valuable scoring play in football is the touchdown, which is worth six points. The field goal is worth 3 points and the safety is worth 2 points. Read more here. 3. Timing. Games are divided into four 15-minute quarters, separated by a 12-minute break at halftime. There are also 2-minute breaks at the end of the first and third quarters as teams change ends of the field after every 15 minutes of play. At the end of the first and third quarters, the team with the ball retains possession heading into the following quarter. That is not the case before halftime. The second half starts with a kickoff in the same way as the game began in the first quarter.
Each offensive team has 40 seconds from the end of a given play until they must snap of the ball for the start of the next play, otherwise they will be penalized.
The clock stops at the end of incomplete passing plays, when a player goes out of bounds, or when a penalty is called. The clock starts again when the ball is re-spotted by an official.
If a game is tied at the end of regulation, a 15-minute overtime period will be played. In the NFL, this is sudden death and the first team to score wins. Possession is determined before the period begins by a coin toss.
4. The Teams: There are 32 teams in the NFL. Click here for a full list of the teams. Each team has 3 separate units: the offense (see section below), those players who are on the field when the team has possession of the ball; the defense (see section below), players who line up to stop the other team's offense; and special teams that only come in on kicking situations (punts, field goals, and kickoffs). Only 11 players are on the field from one team at any one time. To see how the players line up, click here. As for choosing a team to support, if you are not a regular fan of football, be prepared to defend your bandwagon ways come time to watch the game. Once you choose a team, Alyssa Milano has teamed up with the NFL to create products for female fans of the NFL. Its available at the NFL Shop.
5. The Schedule. The NFL Network has a schedule of the Primetime Thursday night match-ups. Check it here. Is anyone else excited that football season is back? Da na na. Da na na. <----My version of the sound from the SportsCenter intro.
According to NFL Network, The Associated Press and Fox’s Jay Glazer, NFL owners and players have agreed to a new collective bargaining agreement and are on the cusp of ending the 136-day old lockout, the longest labor stoppage in league history.
USA TODAY’s Jarrett Bell says the union will hold a press conference between noon and 2 p.m. ET today. The players executive committee and 32 team reps are expected to cast their final votes via conference call at 11 a.m. The plaintiffs in the Brady antitrust case are expected to rubber stamp the deal after that.
“It’s going well, we’ve got some good news,” Saints FB Heath Evans said on NFL Network. The league and (still decertified) NFLPA finally came to terms early Monday morning (around 3:52 a.m. ET according to Glazer).
Pending approval, all rookies (drafted and undrafted) could begin signing contracts tomorrow and free agents could also begin negotiating new deals. Teams can likely begin re-signing their own players right a way, though they may not be able to add ones from other teams until Friday.
Per Glazer, team facilities will open tomorrow, 1o teams will start training camp Wednesday, 10 more will open Thursday, 10 more on Friday and the final two -- the Jets and Texans according to NFL Network -- on Sunday. The NFLPA recertification process is expected to begin Tuesday; afterward, issues such as the player discipline processs, drug testing and pension benefits can be finalized.
Glazer said Colts C Jeff Saturday was a "rock star" for his role in helping to broker a deal while citing Patriots ownerRobert Kraft on the other side as they assisted NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell and NFLPA executive director DeMaurice Smith.
Well I'm sure the players, their groupies and their wives are happy about this one. I can't cap, I'm happy too. I couldn't bear the thought of what the men at work would do without football and basketball. All I wanna say is Football back! Football back! *Rick Ross voice*
GREAT morning beautiful people!! Today's post is a double-header of inspirational quotes.
Good ideas are not adopted automatically. They must be driven into practice with courageous patience. -Hyman Rickover Great champions have an enormous sense of pride. The people who excel are those who are driven to show the world and prove to themselves just how good they are. -Nancy Lopez
What drives you? Are you motivated by the possibility that you can prove others wrong? Is it a fear of failure? Is it because you have something to prove to yourself? Go back in time and reminisce for a minute. Do you remember the day you decided to start following your dreams? If that day hasn't come for you yet, think about the day you decided to become successful. You may not remember the date but you should be able to remember the way you felt. You can remember that "fire" in your belly. Go back to the time when you were so hungry for success you could barely sleep. The time before you were in the "real world" and tainted by people who want you to operate within their boundaries. All you ever wanted to talk about was getting *there.* Go back to the time when you were constantly brainstormed new ways to make an impact in your field. You couldn't get a good night's rest because you were so hungry for another opportunity to get closer to greatness. You dreamed about the day you could take your bosses job. Get back to that time. Your possibilities were endless and your cup of motivation was bottomless. You were so sure of your purpose in life you never doubted yourself. Take some time to get in touch with your spirit so you can rediscover your true purpose. Become driven to live out your purpose and don't be satisfied with anything less. Give the world the gift of YOU.
Today's Song Choice: Jay-Z 99 Problems. WHY? Because its Monday and I KNOW I'm gonna have 99 problems this week.
Caveat: There are women out there who can forgive and forget. I'm not sure I am one of them. In my book, once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater. My belief that everyone deserves a second chance is in direct contradiction to this. *Mental note* Change that to ALMOST everyone deserves a second chance. I questioned the things I have written in my proverbial book after watching a few episodes of Oprah's new Show on OWN called Unfaithful: Stories of Betrayal. The show features stories of couples that have dealt with infidelity in their relationship. Peep a clip below.
I appreciate that the show features stories of men and women that have had affairs so the perspectives are not one sided. It might help you to know that the woman in the above video did not simply have a one night stand. Her affair lasted 2 years during which time she met her friend Jim several times per week. She describes feeling "excited, loved and pursued." She confessed lying had become second nature for her. She was greedy. She believed she could have her cake (her husband) and eat it too (her new beau).
I remembered reading stories about Tiger and his wife attempting to work things out. I thought about all the ish they went through and now they are reportedly trying to work things out. I said to myself "couldn't have been me." After watching a few stories on Infidelity, many of which ended with the couples finding a way to work things out, I questioned my own feelings about infidelity. Can a relationship truly move on after an affair? Can you forgive and forget? Can you ever learn to really trust the person with your heart again after they cheated once? Fool me once, right? I did a little research and found sites and forums like surviveinfidelity.com, a resource for people who have or think they may have a cheating spouse. It explores reasons why people cheat and there are forums to help people move past the situation. Who knew?
Infidelity is hard to get over because cheating on your spouse is a systematic process. You can try to convince me that its not but your attempts will be futile. Soooo don't waste your breath or your keystrokes. It doesn't just happen the way people claim it does. Even if you have 1 night stand, you still go through the same process-albeit a bit quicker. When you find yourself having inappropriate interactions with another, YOU make that decision to keep going. You know its wrong but you do it anyway. You see the potential for it to cross the line but you decide to allow it to continue. Let's back up. Infidelity is not always physical. There are emotional and spiritual connects that amount to cheating as well. While you're with the other person, you forget about the pain you will cause your spouse when he/she finds out. This is when it becomes dangerous. You forget about the commitment you made to be monogamous. You forget about your love for them. You decide to enjoy a sidepiece with your main course. It doesn't stop with the physical or emotional connection, your affair lasts as long as you keep it a secret from your spouse. Secrets can be the death-knell of a relationship. That one night stand you had 6 months ago? Its still going on because you continue to interact with your spouse and live a lie. The lie lives on and so does the affair. You can try lying to yourself about it, but you don't have to lie to me. Lying to kick it? Thats soo not 2011!
Cheating is one of those things that leads to other offenses. When you cheat you become disloyal, disrespectful, a liar, a deceiver, and an all around selfish muddasucka. No apology can take back what you did. No gift can repair the pain you caused. In most cases, the material gifts serve as a constant reminder that you f*cked up. Don't get confused though, material gifts are ALWAYS welcomed.
It turns out there are counselors, books, survivors and relationship experts who say couples can move past infidelity. Some claim if the couple can get past the affair, they can even find themselves in a better place than they were in before. They experience a connection on deeper levels and yada yada. Repairing the trust after a revealed infidelity is possible. If you were caught before you revealed your indiscretions, you're in deep doo-doo. There is a monumental difference between saying "I'm sorry" when you confess and saying "I'm sorry" when you get caught. Your spouse might deem your apology sincere in the former situation while in the latter situation they will think you left off three words "I got caught." There might not be any hope for you, but it won't hurt to try.
So the affair is out in the open and the two of you decide to embark on a reNEWed path. You (as the cheater) realize how much your spouse meant to you and question whether the relationship can survive. You feel guilty because you created a situation that broke your bond. You know you done f*cked up but you don't want everything to stay f*cked up, you want to fix it. Thats a good start. Alright toolmen and toolwomen, I'll do my best to help you rectify the error of your ways. Here are 5 ways to move on in your relationship after an affair.
1. Be OPEN. When your spouse wants to hear everything, tell them. Get a full battery of STI tests and share your results. Don't hold anything back. If you're going to confess, CONFESS wholeheartedly. Depending on your spouse, he/she may be able to handle seeing emails and text messages. Now is not the time for you to hold back. You don't get to decide what will help them move on. If you want to give them the opportunity to make an informed decision, don't withhold information. Your goal is to help them see you as the person they fell in love with, not the person who stomped on their heart. Share what made you cheat and how you learned from it. It helps to throw in compassionate statements about how sorry you are. It is even better if you follow those statements with actions.If you really respect the person, lay everything out and be transparent. Everything could come crashing down if it is revealed months later that you decided to leave out certain details.
2. Recognize you are at a disadvantage. Once you cross the line and commit infidelity, you are NOT the victim. You are the perpetrator. Don't even try to turn the tables and play the victim. Regardless of how your spouse may have contributed to your willingness to cheat, in the initial weeks of aftermath you do not have the right to accuse them of anything. So what if they made you feel lonely because they worked long hours at work? Who gives a sh*t? You didn't tell them about how it made you feel. If we're going to be honest with ourselves here, what they did is still not an excuse for your actions. If you are having problems in your relationship the only person you should discuss those problems with is your partner. Peter the office pretty boy does not need to know how much your husband works since he made partner. Sheila the slutty secretary should never hear about how your wife doesn't give awesome BJs. While they may pretend to respect your commitment to your spouse, the commitment is not theirs to respect-it is YOURS. If Peter and Sheila are also single, they are opportunists. They hear your relationship problems and see opportunity. They are vultures circling above waiting for the perfect moment. Of course we would like to think that people respect commitments but they don't. It is up to you to set the tone. It isn't Sheila's fault she knows about the birthmark on your gonads. It isn't Paul's fault he saw first-hand that you don't have any nipples. Its YOUR fault.
3. Surprise your spouse. Think of things you can do to to surprise him/her. Do something they aren't used to you doing.Listen when they want to talk about their day. Prepare a homemade meal. If you were a person who was emotionally unavailable, seek assistance with learning ways to open up about your feelings. Become more interested in your spouse. Have you noticed any changes? Compliment them. Shift your gears and put forth a genuine effort. Be mindful of your actions and how your spouse responds to them. Do something that makes them say "oh WOW! I didn't see that coming." If you can do this, it will help eliminate questions your spouse may have about whether you are genuinely making a change.
4. Give yourself time. Rebuilding trust will take time and patience. Don't expect your relationship to be the same as it was before. Your relationship is different now. It will NEVER be the same relationship again. Share your new direction and purpose with your spouse and keep them on the journey with you. It will eventually take less effort to make it work. You will be scrutinized but if you are determined to make it work, it will not be as difficult. The negative times that are characterized by helplessness will become few and far between. Your spouse will begin to trust you again. Don't be discouraged if it does not happen within a few weeks or months. You're the one who brought this upon yourself so don't complain when your spouse doesn't come around as fast as you expected them to. Their healing process is on their time, not yours. You will have to be consistent. Any sudden changes could warrant suspicions and can undo all of your hard work.
5.Take Responsibility for your actions. Take steps towards your emotional growth and healing. Negotiate with your spouse to meet their needs and share your needs. Consider reaching out to a trained counselor or reading self-help books that focus on spiritual and emotional healing. At every stage of the process, accept that as the person who turned your two-some into a three-some (and NOT the fun kind) you must hold yourself accountable.
To the people who have never been cheated on or who have a gut feeling it may be happening to them, DON'T WAIT, INVESTIGATE! Ask questions and keep your eyes open. Whats done in the dark...
GREAT morning beautiful people!! I'm so glad you stopped by. Thank gawd today is Friday!
Here is today's quote:
Give thanks for what you are now, and keep fighting for what you want to be tomorrow. ~Fernanda Miramontes-Landeros
As recent grads, new hires and eager professionals we spend a considerable amount of time trying to get to where we are. We get caught up in the hustle and forget to take time to "take it all in." Now is the time to do that. Take a few moments and appreciate where you are at this moment. Look around and where you are and think about what you have. Appreciate that there are people who would like to be where you are. Remember this when you get an inkling of a feeling that you might want to complain. Accept that your struggles will make you stronger. Endure your struggles with a positive mindset and an optimistic spirit. Celebrate your achievements. Celebrate yourself. Celebrate your family and your friends. You may feel like you still have a long way to go but don't allow yourself to forget how far you have come. You deserve to be happy and to celebrate. Do all of this, and keep fighting to see your dreams come true.
Today's Song Choice: A Change is Gonna Come-Sam Cooke. I dare you to take a music break, close your eyes and listen to this song. Don't sing along, just LISTEN to Sam's voice. If you aren't moved, you're not human!
SN: A HUGE (early) Happy 25th Birthday s/o to my friend of 15 years (Dang I'm old!) T.Pearson! Love you for the ups, the downs and your honest but caring words. Just know, this is the FUN part!
A controversial law requiring adults applying for welfare assistance to undergo drug screening has gone into effect in Florida. Saying it is "unfair for Florida taxpayers to subsidize drug addiction," Gov. Rick Scott signed the legislation in June.
"It's the right thing for taxpayers," Scott said after signing the measure. "It's the right thing for citizens of this state that need public assistance. We don't want to waste tax dollars. And also, we want to give people an incentive to not use drugs."
Under the law, which went into effect on Friday, the Florida Department of Children and Family Services will be required to conduct the drug tests on adults applying to the federal Temporary Assistance for Needy Families program.
The aid recipients would be responsible for the cost of the screening, which they would recoup in their assistance if they qualify.Those who fail the required drug testing may designate another individual to receive the benefits on behalf of their children.
Shortly after the bill was signed, five Democrats from the state's congressional delegation issued a joint statement attacking the legislation, one calling it "downright unconstitutional."
And the ACLU has filed suit against the state for requiring all state workers to take a drug test and is considering suing the state for drug-testing welfare applicants.
Controversy over the measure was heightened by Scott's past association with a company he co-founded that operates walk-in urgent care clinics in Florida and counts drug screening among the services it provides.In April, Scott, who had transferred his ownership interest in Solantic Corp. to a trust in his wife's name, said the company would not contract for state business, according to local media reports. He subsequently sold his majority stake in the company, local media reported.
On May 18, the Florida Ethics Commission ruled that two conflict-of-interest complaints against Scott were legally insufficient to warrant investigation, and adopted an opinion that no "prohibited conflict of interest" existed.Florida is not the first state to pass such legislation. Michigan passed a similar law that the 6th Circuit Court of Appeals found unconstitutional in 2003 since it violated the U.S. Fourth Amendment, which protects citizens against unreasonable search.
The court said the law would set a dangerous precedent by allowing the government to conduct drug searches for the safety of the public without prior suspicion. --- C'mon Florida! I guess I understand the reason behind the policy change but don't you have attorneys who can come up with a better way to reach your goal? I know people will have to choose between puffin on Mary Jane and getting their TANF benefits but from the looks of things its only a 1 time test. Sadly, I don't see this serving as much of a deterrent. Unless the drug tests will be random, it won't actually serve any real purpose except to make people go through an extra step. People will go through that step and then go back to using drugs after they are approved.
I don't think Gov. Scott understands how serious people are about collecting their benefits. This applies to both recipients and new applicants. Let's be clear: People SELL their foodstamps to get cash. There are people who get as much as $800/month in TANF benefits and they sell 1/2 or all of them for cash. Governor Scott is underestimating these people. Granted, every welfare recipient is not like this but enough of them are to warrant mentioning. I'm not looking down or them or anything, just sharing what I know. There are people who do not have a job and have 0 work experience but they have learned how to work the welfare system. As a matter of fact, they have a job and that job is a professional welfare recipient. Through government assistance programs they are living carefree with all of their bills paid. To put it bluntly, they sit on their a.ss all day and collect checks while the rest of us go out and earn a living. Now I know there are people who genuinely need government assistance, I am not speaking about those folks. I am criticizing the people that are able bodied citizens who choose not to work in favor of collecting their benefits. I don't think a drug test is going to affect the professional welfare recipients but it may save the state a few dollars when dealing with amateur welfare applicants. In my opinion, if it is not ruled unconstitutional, it will simply force drug users to stop using for a while when they know its almost time for them to be tested. Just my thoughts...
