DECODED: 5 Red Flags Women Ignore

So I put myself on a relationship hiatus. Thats right. I became one of those women who is "single by choice." My friends still think I'm crazy and my dad has dropped hints about wanting me to produce a grandchild. Its awkward. They don't know my struggles. I took myself off of the market because I had become one of those women who didn't believe a man when he told AND showed me who he was. I didn't like that. I had to chill. Polar Bear. 

In the spirit of helping someone learn from my mistakes, you get today's post.

Maya Angelou once said, "When people show you who they are believe them the first time." People may try to hide behind accomplishments, money and status but they are always showing you who they really are; the trick is to pay attention. 

For those of you who have not figured it out yet (read: men), women will do something like ignore red flags and then wonder where they went wrong. We spend time after doomed relationships reflecting on how things went to shit so quickly. We replay the good and bad moments looking for indicators when the signs of failure were there in the beginning but we chose to ignore them for one reason or another. Its easier to avoid a bad relationship than it is to get out of it. That is why noticing red flags is important.

Wonder which flags I'm talking about? Come fly with me...

5. He Self Medicates. When he's had a stressful day at work does he prefer to talk about it or have a drink and watch SportsCenter or play video games? When the two of you have an argument, does he first try to solve the problem or have sex? Is he an emotional eater? Does he have an addictive personality? Also, take note of how he spends his time. Does he discipline himself to stick to a workout regimen? If he self medicates and lacks discipline while you're dating, you may find yourself wondering when your husband became an unruly alcoholic. People (not just men) who choose self medicating over facing their problems are usually bad news. 

4. He's on a Spiritual Journey Without a Map. The things in which a man places his faith speaks volumes about him. Where is he on his spiritual journey?  Does he even realize he is on one? If all he does is post stuff like "Thank God for Another Day" on social networks while you have began tithing and attending church regularly, its obvious the two of you are not on the same page. He says he believes in God but you have never seen him pray. He stays in bed while you go to bible study. He says he's a Christian but he doesn't own a bible or know one bible verse. Those things are not to be ignored. Does he even bless his food? Does he believe in fasting? How often does he attend church? How active is he in his church? How open is he to the idea of the two of you growing in your faith together? If he struggles with his faith while you're dating, you're gonna have a hard time getting your husband to come to church with you. 

3. He says, "I'm not ready for a relationship." This is not just a red flag, its a WRONG WAY sign as well. If you are ready for a relationship, do not get involved with a man who tells you he is not. The problem with these words is they are usually uttered by the type of man who should be ready for a relationship. At least women think so. He's attractive, smart, funny, kind, has degrees, doesn't have kids, loves his mama, has a solid circle of friends, loves God, gives back and can lay pipe like no other. Oh yea, he's your dream guy. He has everything you want in a man. He has everything you have prayed to God for except for that one teensy tidbit.

Women get caught up when they start to think men like this should be mean. If he's nice to you it must mean he wants to be a relationship with you? Women only believe he's serious about not wanting a relationship when he treats us like trash so we can't fall for him. Then, when we do fall for him its his fault for being so damned nice. Silly girls. We even question why he doesn't want a relationship. Thats easy. He doesn't want a relationship because he doesn't want a relationship. See that ladies? Its that simple. So, when you HEAR a man tell you he isn't ready for a relationship, believe him. 

No way you screw, suck or fall for him will change that until HE is good and ready. Thats the problem with women. We think we can change a man's mind. We think he doesn't want a relationship yet because he hasn't seen what we have to offer. He hasn't seen how we slurp, speak or slow cook oxtails. Newsflash: There is nothing special enough about YOU to change his mind so stop going around thinking you can. You can't. When a man has told you he isn't ready for a commitment but you still give him your all, you can't blame anyone but yourself for your heartbreak. Statistics show when a man decides he IS ready for a relationship, he seeks out a new chick. Perhaps that has something to do with a woman knowing her self worth and not expecting less than 100% from a man.

2. He has a Dysfunctional Relationship with his Mother. Some mother-son relationships are dysfunctional. Don't ignore your intuition when it tells you your beau has a dysfunctional relationship with his mother. She could be too overbearing or too attached and that could cause problems. He mistreats his mother then tries to justify it. Don't act like thats ok. Pretending like you don't see how he treats his mother doesn't make it better. Don't act like you understand why he flipped out on her at dinner over the tip. There are thugs who will go ape shit about their mother, if your guy doesn't love or respect his mama what the hell makes you think he will be that way to you? His relationship with his mother is a reflection of how he views women. Does he treat her like a queen? Does he show her love and appreciation or does he ignore her phone calls? If he and his mom don't have a healthy relationship you're in for a world of trouble trying to build one with him.

1. His Circle of Friends is Full of Squares. If you meet his friends, pay close attention to their dynamic. How did they meet? How long have they known each other? Are they friends because he's their boss? Is he the friend with the most money/power/influence? What is the relationship status of his friends? Men need friends who can hold them accountable. This dynamic of the relationship must be two-fold: 1) It must be someone who won't hesitate to tell him when he's messing up a good thing; and 2) He must respect that person enough to listen. If all of his friends answer to him, he is walking around unaccountable as all hell. Belee that. Some men SUCK boiled Rottweiler lips at relationships because they lack accountability. If he doesn't have anyone around him who can hold him accountable, you're in trouble.

I'm no genius but I'm sure many of these things could be flipped such that they apply to women.
I'm not saying men (people) with these red flags should be ignored or avoided.
I AM saying women need to be aware of who we are dealing with before we give our open heart to a man.
Don't make excuses for him.
Don't ignore your intuition.
Don't explain away the red flags.
Don't try to change him.

Thats my time. Its your turn now. What are some relationship red flags you have noticed? Why do you think women ignore red flags? 

Unsolicited Advice: 1001 Things You NEED To Know Before You Sit For The Bar

Hi!!!!!

Its been quite a while since I last created a post so bear with me, I'm a little rusty. For those who care for an update, I took some time off to prepare for the FL bar and I beasted that MF! I passed and scored high enough to waive into DC.  That gives me more options in terms of where I can start my career, but most of all it restored my confidence in myself that I can do whatever I put my mind to. Its a gift and a curse.

Now, let me put my mind to writing this blog post.
Im iz smart.

I'm not fond of unsolicited advice and I know others aren't either, BUT *I* remember during my bar prep days when I TROLLED the internet for advice on what I could do to pass my bar the first time. I found a few different nuggets and now that the test is behind me, I figured I would share with someone else. I don't claim to be the smartest or brightest or most innovative but LOOK I passed somebody's bar & I'm pretty darned proud of that.

Full disclosure: I was a Barbri representative in law school so I took advantage of their free course. Also, I used Kaplan's foundation course (but I used it out of order), MBE workbook and 3 day final course. If you would like info on which one worked best, leave a comment and I'll answer any questions you have.

Here are the 9 best pieces (ok I lied about 1001, get over it) of bar prep advice I received (in no particular order):

1) Do the work! Do the Work! DO.THE.WORK. I can't stress this enough. Some of you have paid bar review companies thousands of dollars to give you the formula for passing. Allow them to do that. Get your friggin money's worth. It wasn't until I was sitting in that wretched room on exam day that it all came full circle: You HAVE to do the work. You HAVE to balance it all. You HAVE to stay focused. You can't spend all of your time on MBE questions and allow your essay writing skills to fall by the wayside because you're comfortable with your law school writing skills. I did a little over 1900 MBE questions and 700 FL specific questions; Lost track of the number of essays I actually completed because my focus for essays was not completion. When I did essays, my focus was spotting issues and discussing the law. Why? Because in Florida you get 100 points per essay. Wanna guess where 50 of those points come from? If you guessed spotting the issue and correctly stating the law you're RIGHT. How many of you know you can massage the facts and get a bit closer to 100? I didn't do very many *complete* essays aside from the ones included in my simulated exams because I wanted to focus on making sure I could at least secure 50 points per essay. I tracked my MBE questions using a chart which included the date, number of questions, the subject and % correct. That chart helped me see which subjects I needed to focus on towards the end. I was once told one needs to finish and grade a least 1400 MBE questions to pass. So far, everyone who used that technique has passed. To space it out, I did 33 questions/day in different subjects and when I couldn't relax fully on my day off I did a few questions to ease my mind & regain my confidence. To keep track of my progress, Barbri had a schedule and a tracker to help me realize when I was falling behind. I fell behind a few times. You might fall behind too. The trick is not to STAY behind.

I used Barbri's accelerated program in the beginning and I also used Kaplan's 3 day workshop at the end (it was phenomenal! Seriously, take it!) Towards the end, I stopped following Barbri's class plan (I don't recommend this for everyone) and worked on the subjects where I was weak. I did 5 or 6 FULL exams under exam conditions starting in week 3. That means, I took a trip to the library on a Saturday, used an internet timer and took the full 8 hour exam with a one hour lunch break. I then graded the exam and created flashcards of rules for questions I missed. Doing exams under timed conditions helped me with timing so much that I finished all 4 sessions of the FL bar early. Talk about scary! During the last 1 1/2 to 2 weeks, I did 1/2 day exams and spent the rest of the day reviewing. Prior to starting prep, I went to the FL bar examiners website and printed out EVERY essay they posted on the site along with sample answers. I read thru EVERY question and answer. I graded myself on their practice essays by going thru the issues I spotted and discussed on my exam versus what the bar examiners thought was the best answer. Barbri only gave three opportunities for me to have my essays evaluated. I never got higher than a 35 from Barbri's graders but their feedback was extremely helpful. I submitted several questions to Barbri and someone always called me back within 24 hours with detailed explanations.

For the answers I got incorrect, it got frustrating. I would apply an exception I learned and it turned out to be exceptions to exceptions. It can get overwhelming to know them all but you must find a way to make distinctions or do enough questions until it becomes automatic. I took my flashcards with me EVERYWHERE so I didn't get anxious if I ended up having to wait in a line too long (or something like that). Please understand I felt drained the first few times until I built up my endurance. That is what the test is about: mental endurance. You will be in a room of thousands of people you don't know and your table will be ragged. It may be cold. It could be hot. You may not feel like you have enough pencils and your laptop may crash. It happens. You have to have the mental strength and determination to get through it. If you don't have it now, GET SOME. The bar examiners don't give a damn that your brain started to hurt on question 76.

2) The first thing someone told me was the best thing: ROB the test of its power. Internalize that the test is important but do NOT allow the pressure to consume you. I'm serious. You need to take the power away from the test and give the outcome to a higher power. The test is not a source of power. THE BAR IS NOT A SOURCE OF POWER. I understand some people NEED to pass in order to keep their jobs and thats fine. The test still doesn't have any power. Put a healthy amount of pressure on yourself so that you become disciplined but don't allow it to overpower you. Hello somebody! Not passing doesn't mean you are not smart just like passing doesn't mean you ARE smart. I know you're saying its easy for me to say because I passed, but trust me on this: You will pass when it is in God's time for you to pass. I recommend you get in synch with HIS time and be ok with living that way. Failing the bar doesn't mean you were not meant to be a lawyer. You may fail because you were not ready to be a practicing lawyer yet. Ya'll didn't come here to read that tho. How well or how poorly you do on the bar is not a measure of the caliber of lawyer you will be. If you prepare and you still don't pass, not passing the bar just means you didn't pass the bar. 


3) Discover your learning style. Bar prep is all about repetition. For that reason, it is imperative that you find the most effective way to learn things. Click here to take a learning style test. Don't just take the test for the sake of taking it either. USE the results and incorporate how you learn into your bar prep. For example, I am a visual learner. It helps me when I can actually SEE the work instead of just hearing it. I created color coded notes and note cards. I took time out to create sample essays based on topics previously covered on the exam. Do what you need to do to comprehend the information. Make charts, venn diagrams, acronyms, mnemonics, graphs, cartoons, write songs, etc... just do what it necessary.

4) Eliminate distractions. Let me say that again: eliminate distractions. Bar prep lasts approximately 2 months. 2 months is NOT a long time. Sit your family down and explain to them what they can expect from you during this time. Advise them to shower you with love and encouragement. Keep drama and stupidity out of your life as much as possible. Do what you have to do during those two months so you can move on with your life! You may miss a few birthday parties and pool parties but there will be other summers. This aint the one. Surrender your summer. Advise your friends and family of your hiatus and do what you have to do to put the test behind you. Focus on bar prep and little else. Keep your vices. You have had them this long, another 2 months probably won't hurt. Now is not the time to quit smoking or decide to quit anything else because that could detract some of your discipline away from this test. You won't get thru this without having high levels of self control and discipline. I would also recommend getting rid of your social networks or keeping your usage of them to an absolute minimum. I deactivated my Facebook in the very beginning and kept using my twitter 3 weeks before the exam. I would rather have stopped using them and not passed than to have continued using them and wonder if that was the reason I didn't pass. I'm not saying you can't keep your social networks, I am saying if you are tweeting wildly after 3 weeks of bar prep your ass is not focused or disciplined. If you think you can keep your social networks and pass, go for it. Just know you're creating a challenge that does not have to exist.

5) Create a study schedule and stick to it!
Creating a study schedule is one of the most effective ways to stay on track and maintain your sanity during bar prep. I didn't work during bar prep. I studied 6 days and took Sundays off to catch up on sleep, run errands, go to church and catch up with my family. I pulled a few all nighters but for the most part I made it a point to never do work past midnight. Its up to you how you want your study schedule to look but mine looked like this(copied from a word doc):

Bar Prep Calendar/Schedule to follow

January 3 to January 18: First 15 days

6-8 hours per day every day. Take one day off to rest or give yourself a lighter load

o   Schedule
·      9am-1pm Class
·      2pm-6pm Do practice questions; study & do homework
·      Make yourself get out of bed everyday and do ALL of the homework
·      Keep up and become acclimated

January 18 to Feb 6: Solid 12 hours/day

·      Do as many practice questions as you possibly can under test conditions. No headphones, no phone in a quiet place. Try to simulate test conditions.
o   Schedule
·      9am-1pm Class
·      2pm-6pm Do practice questions; study do homework
·      6pm-8pm Dinner & TV
·      8pm-12am More questions

Feb 6-48 hours before the exam (Approx 19 days)

·      13-14 hours/day
·    9am-1pm Simulated Practice Questions under exam conditions

·      2pm-6pm Review Practice Questions; Flashcard quiz; More Practice Questions

·      6pm-7pm Dinner & TV

·      7pm-12am More questions & review incorrect questions from yesterday

Although I was weary of an online prep course at first, it turned out to be a blessing in disguise. It turns out the online coursework afforded me levels of flexibility I had not anticipated. I could manipulate the lecture videos without having to disturb others AND I saved time because I didn't have to commute. I set aside time to review questions I got wrong the previous day. I set aside an area in my bedroom to study and that is all I used that area for while I was prepping. Also, I made sure to buy groceries every week so that I didn't have to worry about buying lunch everyday. It saved me money, frustration and anxiety because I didn't have to worry about falling off of my schedule or going over my budget since I wasn't working. I'm not saying don't go out for lunch, but be careful about doing so. As time passes, you WILL become anxious and little things could set you off. Might as well try to eliminate outside stressors as much as possible.


6) Find a Way to Stay Encouraged.  I can't emphasize this enough. Find a way to stay grounded. There will be nights when you will feel like you don't know enough. There will be days when you feel like you don't have enough time. You will want to pull all nighters like you did in law school. There will be moments when you wonder whether you're losing your mind. You can choose to ignore this if you want to. You will get frustrated. You will feel stupid. You will wonder why the hell you decided to go to law school. You will feel tortured. Your brain will hurt. You will have sleepless nights. You will have bar nightmares. You will have nightmares. You will consider suing your bar examiners for IIED. Understand for what you have embarked to accomplish, these things are normal. I decorated my room with positive quotes and printed the passing score on all of my notebooks. There will come times when you don't want to do questions. There will be days you will feel like you're not learning anything. There will be mornings you don't feel like listening to those boring lectures. You must not allow these things to hold you back. You MUST focus on finding a way to stay positive, grounded and encouraged. This is not an option. 

7) Eat for Energy. I'm gonna give it to you straight: You're going to have to give up eating chili dogs and french fries for lunch. Not forever, just during bar prep. You're going to need to make it a habit to eat breakfast. You are on a timed schedule and you don't have time for sluggishness. Digesting a bacon burger from 5 guys takes much more energy than a chicken salad. You don't have time to keep stopping to eat either. Your body needs to be on a schedule. Aight, I realize that was a little bossy but I hope you recognize it comes from a good place. Discipline is key and so is self-awareness. If you are a snacker, you should stock up on snacks so you don't get distracted worrying about trying to find chips. Also, it is imperative that you remain healthy. Grab some vitamins and such to help your body fight off illnesses. Drink plenty of water and exercise more than once a week.

8) Mobilize Your Support System. I had 3 different prayer groups (that I knew of) specifically praying for my success and sanity through bar prep. I had parents who sent me money, a grandmother who prayed with me and siblings who called me with funny stories on Sundays to keep everything in perspective. If you have a support system, the time is NOW to mobilize them. Get them praying. Get them creating care packages. Get them invested. If you need money, get them donating. Tell them what is riding on your success so they know you're taking this seriously. I have NO DOUBT in my mind my support system deserves as much credit for my success as I do.

9) Don't overthink. Many of the answers to questions are common sense. Trust yourself enough to believe you can select the right answer enough times to pass. Don't get so wrapped up in finding the right answer that you abandon your common sense. Most people are able to eliminate at least 2 answers right away just using common sense. According to Kaplan, at that point you should take a look at the remaining answers and choose the one with the law over the one with the facts.

I'm not saying these things are a way to guarantee bar passage, I'm just saying these are things I KNOW helped me. Take my advice as you would anyone else's: with a grain of salt. No one knows what awaits you on your bar and I don't journey to guess. I know one thing for sure: Prepare so that you have no regrets and no matter your results you will be victorious no matter your score. Gift yourself a trip home to visit your family or a nice vacay by yourself after the bar is over. Go out and celebrate when you finish the bar and then rest for a few days (if you can). Resume your normal life as you bemoan the process of waiting for your results. Then, on the day results are released go somewhere and check them by yourself. If you pass, GREAT. If you don't pass, its not the end of the world and no one worth a damn will judge you. Suit up and go hard in the paint again.

If you have any questions, or anything to contribute the comment section is ALLLLL yours :)

VIDEO: Howard University Men STAND UP Against Racial Profiling

A few of Howard University's men have collaborated to create a video standing up against racial profiling and the killing of Trayvon Martin on February 26, 2012. By asking "Am I suspicious?"the men bring a personal element to this situation by showing America how ridiculous the campaign against hoodies has become.


Enough rambling, take a look...



More information on the efforts of the Howard Community to raise awareness can be found at https://www.facebook.com/groups/HUJusticeForTrayvonMartin/. Things like this make me SO PROUD to call Howard University one of my alma maters. I'm overjoyed that so many of my colleagues have stepped up to the plate to bring awareness to this injustice. I'm HURT that my home state is once again under fire for not getting it right.


Randoms:
This past Sunday, I traveled to Sanford, FL to attend a rally in support of justice for Trayvon Martin. The trip was personally sponsored by Howard University students, the NAACP and anonymous donors. We traveled to Sanford to stand in solidarity with Trayvon's family and to see the situation first hand. I have to give a HUGE thanks to Representatives Corrine Brown(D-FL) and Sheila Jackson Lee(D-TX) for acknowledging our efforts in driving down to Sanford, FL on Sunday and showing up to the Congressional hearing in DC on today. I thank Representative Brown for her hospitality as she took us out for a generous sit-down lunch and made sure we felt welcomed. Going down to Florida, we were not sure what to expect but we went with our hearts in the right place. We didn't expect to have the opportunity but I am so very happy I took the trip.


I would be remissed if I did not also acknowledge the Mayor of Sanford, FL for taking time out of his schedule to speak with Howard students yesterday in Sanford. He displayed so much class and grace. I can't imagine that when he took his oath of office he anticipated such a thing would happen. For that reason, (and a few others) I salute him. From what I observed, he was hit hard by this situation and he doing all he can do to cooperate with the investigation.


RIP Trayvon Martin. 


As God as my witness, I will do my part to make sure Trayvon's killer is (at least) brought to trial and his family gets justice for his death. 

Happy St. Patrick's Day

In honor of the holiday celebrated by many with the consumption of green liquid libations, join me in enjoying the FOREVER RELEVANT ratchet-ness below...




I have but one question, who in the heck composed that sketch and deemed it worthy of sharing with news networks?

iWeep.

Whether you're actually Irish or just Irish for the day, enjoy yourselves and stay safe folks!

Music VIDEOS: J.Cole Drops Vid for "Nobody's Perfect" feat Missy Elliot

J.Cole has finally released the video for his much loved single "Nobody's Perfect" featuring the indelible Missy Elliott. Let me just say that Missy looks fantastical! I like J.Cole as much as the next fair-weather hip hop head but this song is one of my favs because of Missy. Missy makes the song and I'm sure that wasn't accidental. I realize some of you young bucks may believe Jay-Z is the biggest name J.Cole has ever worked with but Missy Elliott is here to make you think twice about that. I'm so glad she is back and I already have money put aside to actually buy her album(gasp!). If you can't recognize that Missy's imprints on the game cannot be touched or imitated you might as well delete all hip hop and rap from your iPod. Get your piece of the ME pie w/a sprinkle of J.Cole below...

I don't see this being a full on club banger, but I think the single will be big in so many other ways. Go Missy!

In case you have forgotten, get into some of Missy's biggest singles below:

Work It


Gossip Folks


Get Your Freak On

Funny to Me: Mawry Spoof

In the above clip, the actress drops notable Maury gems like proclaiming she's a bad b*tch while also proudly announcing her pregnancy. Ya' know, typical Maury stuff.

I love watching Maury as much as the next bored person and that is part of what makes this parody video so hilarious! This little gem scrolled across my twitter #tahmlahn last evening and I was rolling so much I was compelled to share. I'm not sure about you all, but I watch the Maury show anytime I need to see ratchet people on tv ranging from retirees who aren't sure who their baby daddy is to out of control teens. It never fails that I get a good laugh from both Maury and his high energy guests.

Like I said, its funny to me.

Interviews: The Dream wants ya'll to know...

I say ya'll because he wasn't talkin to me. In the above interview, Dream serves ya'll up with the Grade-A marriage advice. He admits he knows what it takes to keep a marriage going, but he just chose not to do it. Ok he didn't really say that, but thats what I got from what he said. Not sure I wanna go around taking advice from him but I guess he makes a few valid points. With regard to the institution of marriage we can all benefit from making sure we focus more on the marriage than the wedding. For many women its about the dress and the show and not about how to keep her man happy and contribute to her family. I can see where he was going, but I can't take The Dream seriously.

What say you, folks?

Hoes. Are they **REALLY** winning?

One of the people in this photo is a hoe. 

A little late? Maybe.
Is that gonna stop me? Apparently not.


Disclaimer: I recognize that a woman writing about hoes and such has certain consequences. I wish I could tell you I'm one of those people who doesn't believe in calling women hoes. Wish not granted. My experiences with so many different types of women, including those who readily and happily identify themselves as hoes, won't allow me to do that. The way I see it (and you don't have to see it that way) if a woman has adopted the title for herself, who am I to change her mind? Who are you to get upset when she's ok with it? You gotta live & let people live, B. Ladies, don't get mad.


Based on the loaded title, you probably think my answer is no. But, alas, young grasshopper you are wrong. The answer is yes, BUT temporarily.
A temporary win, is still a win.


From the always infamous Kim Kardashian (I hate that name & face) to the deported Katt Stacks to Amber Rose, LisaRaye McCoy, Kimora Lee Simmons and Vanessa Bryant, women are proving everyday that it pays to be on the hoe team. Whats the opposite of the hoe team? Apparently its not the WIFE team because KK, Kimora, LisaRaye & Vanessa have all been married but they still have the hoe brand firmly etched into their souls.
 Once a hoe, always a hoe. 


But wait! Does this mean only hoes are getting married? Doesn’t that go against the “can’t turn a hoe into a housewife” thingamajig quote? Then again, doesn’t  the “everybody deserves a second chance” mantra belong in that discussion too? But wait again! What about the hoes who keep hoeing even after they get married?


My head is spinning.
Where was I?
Ahhh yes! Hoes Be Winning.
Where did the phrase come from? Your guess is as good as mine. I imagine it sprouted from Charlie Sheen's now infamous interview where he said winning way too many times.
2012: The year of "Hoes Be Winning."
Your position on whether hoes actually “BE winning” largely depends upon your definition of winning, standards and self-esteem. To some, winning means a condo on South Beach and a lifetime supply of protein. To others, winning means paying off student loan debts (GLORY!). Still, to others winning means living a flashy lifestyle complete with Facebook and twitpics for proof of his/her “winning” and shit. Some women are winning just by being in a monogamous relationship. Love & Hip Hop's Chrissy proposed to her live-in boyfriend of 7 years and jumped through hoops before he finally proposed to her. She's winning-let her tell it. Ideally, a hoes definition of winning is different from that of a lawyer, or doctor, or dentist's definition of winning. Then again, thats assuming those people aren't also hoes. Now, what does that have to do with the price of Trojans in Tokyo?


Nothing.
You is smart.


A popular misconception about hoes is that they ALL be winning. The devil is a lie. Not all hoes "be winning" the same way not all actresses be acting. I'm lookin at you, Stacey Dash. Some hoes do the opposite of winning over and over again. Now, this may be due to several reasons up to and including being a "new" hoe, an untrained hoe, a misinformed hoe, a confused hoe and my favorite a sloppy hoe. There are thousands of hoes who ended up pregnant by a rapper who never made it out of the hood or an athlete who sustained a career-ending injury before he played his first game. Even hoes who get that coveted temporary win still struggle with the psychological effects of being a "hoe." How many ass beads did you play with before you got that BMW? How many kids did you swallow before you got that condo on south beach? They don't want your sympathy tho.


Here is what I know for sure: "Hoes Be Winning" has penetrated the vernacular of social media users, bloggers and hip-hop heads everywhere. HBW is a fantastic phrase that incorporates everything the masses feels after a woman with a reputation for being unchaste “wins.” It was uttered when Amber Rose & Whiz Khalifa announced their engagement, when news broke of Chad OchoCinco (Johnson) & fiancé Evelyn's $300k payday for their reality show and its uttered every time a “baller” announces his engagement or decision to procreate with said type of woman. 

Considering the incredible amount of women considered hoes, it makes me wonder how people decide what makes a woman a hoe. This is the full extent of my wondering: 1) Is it the number of sexual partners she entertains in a given week? 2) Is it the reasons she has sex? 3) Is it the things she "profits" using her body? Thats all I can allow myself to wonder. Despite the popularity of the term, it appears people don't have a solid definition of what a hoe is anymore. You may think a hoe is a woman who gets ahead in life by "using what they got to get what they want" or any other justification used by Ronnie, Trix & Diamond from The Player's Club. I don't care enough to explore that.


Hoes have had songs written about them, t-shirts sold in their honor and, thanks in part to the former Mrs. O'neal, are now landing starring roles (and fat checks) on reality shows.

 A vital part of being a hoe is that you have to be a responsible and accountable hoe, or so I've heard. If you're going to be a hoe, you have to accept everything (respect & disrespect) that comes with the territory. You have to be a smart hoe by recognizing your reign of prosperity WILL be short lived. Good hoes have an entrepreneurial spirit, that is they understand that their success is directly related to their own efforts. They must be innovative, competitive, flexible (pun!) and determined.

The intriguing part of the hoe "line of work" is that how good you are doesn't mean much. This means natural talents, good looks, low standards and willingness to travel for work mean nothing. 


Take a deeper look. Even the good hoes win only for as long as Charlie Sheen did after his interview. Some may argue Uncle Charlie is still winning. Those people don't know a win when they see one, don't follow them. Hoes are good for leaving us with a few notable quotables but their relevance isn't everlasting. Then again, thats part of what makes hoes so much fun! Hoes are like the Bugatti-they come in handy if you're looking for a reason to spend money and do something crazy, but are not intended for daily use. 

Put a pin in that one.


I’m not taking sides here, but I think hoes deserve a little slack. They are merely providing a service to a market in high demand for their existence, are they not? They have a bad name for doing something they believe the almighty ordained them to do. Why else would they have those special talents? Certainly you can’t expect them to do their swag surf trick in the church talent show. Or can you? Perhaps more souls would be saved if folks knew they could finally get their communion and cunnilingus in the same place.


What say you folks? Do hoes be winning? Do you know any hoes? Are they winning?

Talk to me...

Twitter: @LegallyRatchet1

Facebook: Talented Generation

Email: TalentedGeneration@gmail.com

RePOST: Dear black history month. . .

Dear Black History month,

Despite my feelings about you (dont even ask) I have decided to honor my ancestors by embracing the
-->charade concept of using a month to celebrate our heritage. I am adamantly opposed to restricting my history to just one month because it implies that we ignore our history for the other 11 months(oops guess I just told you my views), but I do recognize the importance of celebrating those that forged a path so that I can be who I am.

You present an opportunity to celebrate the history of our great nation regardless of whether its people identify as American, African American, African or WASP. The history of our nation is not pretty and it is by no means glamorous but it is OUR history and we must embrace it. -->Especially because we accomplished so much in the face of unbelievable racism. Americans began to recognize black history annually in 1926 with Dr. Carter G. Woodson's "negro history week," which began as an initiative to teach Americans about the impact blacks have had on American history. Dr. Woodson published his research about our impact on American history in his Journal of Negro History. It turned out to be a stepping stone for your birth. Following Woodson's lead, Black history clubs sprang up, teachers demanded materials to instruct their pupils, and progressive whites stepped up and endorsed the efforts. As early as the 1940s, blacks in West Virginia replaced annual celebrations of "negro history week" by celebrating February as "negro history month." Yes you read that right, West Virginia.


February is the birth month of two people who have greatly influenced the black population, Frederick Douglas and Abraham Lincoln. I guess this is another explanation for why you were assigned the shortest month of the year. You are lucky to share your anniversary with several important events in our history including:

•February 1, 1960:
In what would become a civil-rights movement milestone, a group of black Greensboro, N.C., college students began a sit-in at a segregated Woolworth's lunch counter.

•February 3, 1870:
The 15th Amendment was passed, granting blacks the right to vote.

•February 12, 1909:
The National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) was founded by a group of concerned black and white citizens in New York City.

•February 21, 1965:
Malcolm X was shot to death by three Black Muslims.

•February 23, 1868:
W. E. B. DuBois, co-founder of the NAACP, was born.

•February 25, 1870:
The first black U.S. senator, Hiram R. Revels (1822-1901), took his oath of office.

As a young American I have not experienced what Jim Crow laws were like, nor can I testify about how it feels to be attacked with vicious dogs and water hoses. I was not the first black kid in my school and I have never taken a drink from a fountain or used public facilities marked "coloreds only." I also missed out on what it feels like to be forced give up my seat on a bus for a white person. I wasn't at the March on Washington and I didn't get to hear King tell the world about his dream. I haven't been alive long enough to know what "the struggle" was like and I was not one of the people who fought to have you nationally recognized. Dont mistake my youth and lack of experience with violent racism for a lack of knowledge. I know the images of our history are far from pretty. I know the journey to where we are today has not been easy. Unfortunately, many of those who fought for the equal treatment of blacks during the Civil Rights Movement have died or ceased to live in the public eye.  Fortunately, their legacies live on through stories and photos.

While the fundamentals of black history should be the topic of discussion, I fear that younger generations do not appreciate the significance of it because we did not live trudge through the trenches. I'd like to apologize for that. It is not our intention to disrespect or disregard you. We do not mean to disrespect those who have died so that we can attend the same schools and drink from the same fountains as whites, and have the choice to sit in the front of a bus. Just thinking of the things my people endured makes me grateful. I question whether I would have been strong enough to endure such treatment. I love sitting right behind the bus drivers. I cannot imagine what it was like to know its not even an option to stop at the first available seat if it wasn't far enough in the back. I cannot fathom what it would be like to be treated like a second class citizen. With the way you have been celebrated as of late, I shutter to think of what the great leaders of the civil rights movement would think if they were alive today. If nothing more, I thank you for forcing me to stop and remember "the struggle" more often.

As young professionals, we understand that it is our responsibility to continue the legacy of those who have lifted us up onto their shoulders and made history while doing so. We will honor those who died while fighting for equality. We will keep them in our minds each day when we go to school and when our teachers interrupt their lesson plans long enough to acknowledge prototypical "black firsts." Black history is a rich history and it has been deeply rooted in world history.

From Rosa Parks to the Buffalo Soldiers to Langston Hughes our history is colorful and interesting. I will encourage all of my readers to dig deeper than the story of how the Montgomery bus boycott began. While I despise lazy black history programs, I must admit there is still a need to teach our children to embrace their history. I'm afraid if we got rid of "our" month, our history may fall by the wayside and cease to be discussed (a little extreme I know; sue me). I remember what the 'old folks' say about what happens when you don't know your history.

I'm sure you have heard the critics speak of getting rid of you while others promote black history everyday. What happened to McDonald's 365 Black? I'm sure there is a reason you haven't stood up to defend YOURSELF, but I'm not sure I want to hear it. I promise you this is one blog that will recognize the accomplishments of African Americans through our "out the door" quote of the day and by pointing out African American accomplishments each day of the month. We will also recognize a lot of "Black Firsts" (stay tuned!) and my hope is that I can enlighten my readers while inspiring them to make our world a better place.

To my young profesisonals, remember the old saying "those who do not know their history are doomed to repeat it?"

-->I could fire other quotes at you like "knowledge is power" and all that jazz but I'd rather just stick with KNOW your history. There is no excuse for not knowing your history, especially when it is just a Google search away! 

Peace & Love,

Raine L. Gabrielle 

If you have any recommendations for unique ways to celebrate our history or if you just need to gripe about the whole concept, consider the comment section your platform.

**UPDATED: Music Monday: Drake's "Practice" (official video added)

Someone in Drake's camp gave him the "okie doke" when it came to his decision to remake the classic hood anthem "Back That A$$ Up." I'm not knocking Drake's efforts BUT...ok I'm knocking Drake's efforts. Some things should just be left alone. AND YES, my opinion is based solely on my not so shameful love for the original song. Its also influenced by my opinion that Drake's album is softer than a cotton ball soaked for a fortnight in baby oil. You mad?

As for the official video, either the budget was low or Drake owed the featured "model/dancer" a favor. I guess it's a sign of the direction music videos are takin. Long gone are the "Thriller" or "Trapped in the Closet(tehehe)" productions where directors and artists put forth maximum efforts to give the fans a quality video. Now all we see is a stiff (unconfirmed twerk team reject) chick fake dancing in front of a mirror. I've seen better amateur vids on Youtube -__-<<--that right there is the blankest of blank stares.
In case you can't tell, I'll just put it out there:
It looks last minute.
It looks basic.
It looks like everyone involved said "f*ck effort."
Its not a classic song so after a month, no one will care.

There! I said it! Don't be mad, you were thinkin it! If you weren't, mosey on over to WSHH and watch videos of ratchet girls fighting on the train.

I don't see the genius behind his album and I don't think having a few club hits that can barely be tolerated 2 months after removed from radio circulation qualifies him to carry his nuts like he's the greatest to ever put his mouth on a mic (pun!). Don't get confused, I'm not knocking his hustle or his success. I just struggle with separating *this* Drake from Wheelchair Jimmy on Degrassi. The original is everything Drake's remake is not and will never be. Drake doesn't seem concerned with making classic music or lifelong anthems we can listen to years from now. Lowkey, I can't blame him because people making classics aren't banking the type of dough Drake is banking(or claims he's banking). If making music for the people right now is his steez, more power to him. It seems he's found a formula that works for him and thats fine.

BTW, just in case you're not UP on the Big Ghost Chronicles blog click here and prepare to giggle yourself to tears. You're welcome.