The Question You're Too Embarrassed to Ask

Caveat: This is not a discussion about what makes women happy or how to make a relationship successful. I do understand there are other determining factors for whether a relationship will work including their view on whats funny (Soul Plane anyone?), religious views, political views, and how they prefer to spend their free time. This isn't the post where I discuss any of those things. Before you go jumping down my throat (pun!), I know relationships are not all about finding the biggest sausage (s/o to #teamviennasausage!) or the greatest sex ever but stick with me for a second, or twenty. 


Please understand that this is a mature discussion about a sexual topic. If you are not comfortable discussing sex with others, this post aint for you.


Still reading? Yay! You're pretending to be mature! 

YES it is and NO I'm not. 

The question people are either too embarrassed to ask or too embarrassed to admit they want the answer to: How can you tell a man's penis size?


Everybody is concerned about it. Don't lie! Women want to know the size and men wonder about the size of theirs. Further, men are more concerned about being too small and only a few sex gods men complain about being too large. Feel free to deny any of this, but I'll just put it out there that I will think you're lying. Since Earthlings started wearing clothes, women have shamefully undressed men with our eyes while trying to figure out the size of his ummm SHIP. Now I know the nice thing would be to say its about the motion in the ocean, but this isn't about being nice. Just as (many) black men don't actively pursue a woman with nositol, women don't actually look for a man with smallpeenitis. If you end up with these things, you learn to make the best of it. Point. Blank. Period. 


Don't worry, you don't have to agree with me. I encourage spirited debates.


Before I continue, remember the two types of men: show-ers and grow-ers. When I speak about size, I am referring to an erect penis. Then there's the hard like a horse LONG & STRONG which is when the penis is thee most erect, but we won't take it that far left. I am going to assume all of the women reading this know better than to judge a man by his flaccid penis. I am also going to assume all of the men reading this know better than to allow a woman to judge him by the size of his flaccid penis. If you didn't know it before, I bet you know now! 


 Peep the footage.

So lets recap: There is STILL no relationship between penis size and a man's height or shoe size BUT there may be a new relationship. A recent endowment study found that there was a significant relationship – not a perfect one– between the length of the index finger and penis size. Now that doesn’t mean that the length of his index finger is the same as the length of his penis, it means that menwith longer index fingers have longer penises and people with shorter index fingers have shorter penises. 


Stop the madness!! Over the years, we have tried analyze his HAND size, SHOE size, NOSE size, EAR size and the length of his arms among other things in our quest to secretly figure out if he is well endowed. Where do all of these methods and measurement myths come from? Who came up with bogus scientific evidence to prove and disprove all of these "methods?" I bet it was the men with big feet and enlarged ears! *giggles* My point is, women are more curious than we care to acknowledge. There are women reading this now who still won't admit they are curious. We prefer to be sneaky freaks who can glance at a man's ears instead of admitting our intrigue. Somebody about our genetic make up and how we were raised to carry ourselves as "ladies" with strong "values." These "values" make us want to look at his feet (and claim its because we want to make sure his shoes aren't dirty) and figure out whether he could use his third leg as a backup if one of his other legs were amputated. We want more subtle methods for judging because we don't want to be viewed as someone who is constantly thinking about sex? WHY? Because the only women who constantly think about sex are heauxxs and no self-respecting woman would embrace that label. I am not saying throw your values away, all I'm saying is I want people to stop acting like nobody is looking. *SOMEBODY* is funding all of these studies. 

As a woman who has sheepishly and audaciously used these same methods to determine whether a man is well endowed, hung like a horse or blessed below the belt,  I can tell you NONE of them work (I feel you judging me but I'm gonna continue writing anyway). How do I know this? A lady NEVER tells. But since I know you're all curious, lets just say I have shared stories with other women that confirm this. The size 12 shoe doesn't always correlate neither does being taller than 6 feet. 

After reading all the studies and looking at the unscientific evidence, I have concluded that the only way to check a man's size is to see it. Yea you read that right. Read it again if you need to. I'm not saying go around asking random men to pull it out. Don't blame your sexual faux pas on my suggestions. 


You see a guy with BIG shoes? It just means it takes him less steps to walk somewhere. You see a man with big ears? Be careful he might hear your thoughts. Unlike Santa Claus, mermaids and SMURFS, men who suffer from "vienna peen itis" exist. Don't believe all of these men are of a certain ethnic background either. I used to think all black men were well endowed but BOY was I wrong! I can talk about them because they are my brothers. If you say something bad about them, I might have to hurt you. Just kidding, but not really. 


So fellas, when you see a woman wondering about your "package" go ahead and PTMO: pull the man's out. Ladies, if you're still too shy to admit you're curious its time to come out of your shell. 


Women are from venus. Men are from Mars.


Is this REALLY a question people are still too embarrassed to ask? Will you be testing the new theory?  I'm listening. 

Twitter: @LegallyRatchet1

Facebook: Talented Generation

Email: TalentedGeneration@gmail.com

Narcissist Chronicles: What "Comes with the Territory?"

Allow me to share another random fact about myself: I am a jogger. I wake up at 5am a few times a week and jog roughly 1.5-2 miles or until I get tired of running. For the past few weeks, my jogs have included situations where I was harassed by both men and women and it is disturbing.  To understand possible reasons for this "situation" I confided in a male friend. Our conversation is what follows...

Me: I chose a different route so I could see the sun rise better this morning on my jog. When I passed by this group of men, they started shouting things at me. Towards the end of my run, men even honked their horns. One man pulled over in his car and tried to have a conversation with me. One guy said "Damn girl you're so fine I'd drank yo bathwater." FOH! I'm about to stop running outside and start going to the gym instead. The harassment is getting outta control. 

Him: Soooo you're gonna join a gym when all you do is jog? Thats a waste of money. You're a beautiful woman, and you're a black girl who jogs. You know people don't see that often. What else do you expect? It comes with the territory.

Me: What do you mean it comes with the territory? So you're telling me I should expect to be harassed and disrespected when Im clearly just tryna get my exercise on?! 

Me: Just accept that some men can't control themselves. They probably dont see a woman like you often so they do unconventional things. You're just like that lady who complained about being harassed by the Jets players when she was walking around with her a$$ and titties hanging out. I dont blame those men for what they said. As an athlete myself, Im not gonna take you seriously when you're trying to interview me while your nipples are poking through your shirt. Am I supposed to pretend I don't see that? Just be glad men are paying attention to you. You're gonna miss it when you're old, saggy & wrinkled. 

Me: That wont happen. 

Him: What wont happen?

Me: I will grow old gracefully but I will not sag! Plus black dont crack! 

I know what some of you jerks are thinking. What was I wearing? While I do not believe what a woman wears should determine how she is treated, I'll answer it just this once. I donned black ankle length tights, a black tank, and a purple track jacket with matching purple Adidas.  When I was getting dressed that day, I didn't think twice about what I was wearing. It wasn't until after the men began harassing me that I lost focus on exercising and started to question what I was doing that was causing men to behave savagely. Its so easy, cave men did it.

In some circles, it has become OK for a woman to expect to be harassed when wearing a deep v-neck tshirt and spandex pants. To the members of those circles, it means she is making herself sexually available and thereby opening herself up to sexual comments. Their leader wears a lacefront and carries a $900 bag when she makes $9.35/hour. I hear what you're thinking (yes I'm telepathic). You think I should blame my own kind because some of us respond positively to the comments and even seem to enjoy hearing them, right? WRONG! Some of my sistas are lost, I admit that. What I refuse to accept is that because Lathelmalique responded positively to your comments, a man thinks I will respond in a similar fashion.  Its become OK for a woman to expect to be harassed. Who the hayle started this? I can almost understand when men harass women like this one who have made their living from selling sexuality but when a woman is dressed conservatively, like this woman, what is there to justify it? She isn't holding herself out as a sexual being and she certainly isn't giving off vibes that she is open to sexual invitations. Or is she?

Women have enough problems without having to worry about whether our clothes are the reason we could get harassed or in extreme cases, raped. Now we question whether what we are wearing is acceptable. We question whether what we are wearing is the cause of the caveman-like behaviors. I am going to go out on a limb and say it is NOT OK. Maybe you all think its ok, but I don't. If my ASSets and liabilities are covered when I decide to grace the world outside of my living space, I should not be subjected to harassment. A woman should be able to walk down the street in "booty" shorts and a wife beater without a man saying anything to her that is out of line. Ok maybe that was a bit naive and extreme but you get the point. Or do you?

I wonder how many of the men have daughters or sisters my age. I also wonder how some of them would react if they happen to hear a complete stranger yell "I wanna take you home & f*ck your brains out" at a woman they care about. If a man wouldn't be happy hearing those words yelled at his mother or sister, then why subject other women to it?

Whats my point? Why is this post about me and my self-centeredness? Don't I know men aren't looking at me because its ME? Don't I know men are looking because I have a vagina, NOT because I'm special? You're wondering WTF I'm complaining about aren't ya? Keep reading. I should be able to jog in the morning without having to worry about men shouting harassing statements across the street. Its embarrassing. It makes me feel like a basic b*tch. I hate that! Why do men think it is ok to harass a woman just because she is attractive? Why yell obscenities at a woman? What do you expect to gain from this?

I have gotten to a point where I do not know who to hold responsible for this behavior. Is it the mothers? Is it the fathers? Is it the big brothers and big sisters? Is the women who show they enjoy being yelled at? Is it General Larry Platt?

Its your time to shine. What do you think "comes with the territory??" If a woman dresses a certain way should she EXPECT to be disrespected?  Is being beautiful or attractive be directly related to being harassed in public?

Consider this a PSA. Pass the knowledge.

Why do GOOD girls like BAD boys?

Caveat: By "bad boys” I mean the men women know we should stay away from but we dont. They are the men our mother’s warned us about. They are the men who play the dating game by their own rules and if you fail to follow them you will be sleeping with a broken heart. They are the men we know we are not meant to marry, but we fall for them anyway. 


In case you're wondering, I believe every woman has desired at least one bad boy. I also think many of us will fall or have fallen for a bad guy at least once during our dating lifespan. Bad Boys a certain *thing* about him that makes us ignore our intuition and forget all the things our mothers warned us about. We throw out our common sense, sense of self worth, and sense of direction for the chance to take a trip on the bad boy ride. 

It is a perplexing sight we have all seen before: 
The smart and pretty girl who dates the drug dealer. 
The virgin who dates the manwh*re. 
The conservative uptown girl who dates the liberal downtown guy.  
We wonder why the good girl isn't with someone who is more like HER? Why isn't she with a guy who completes her cookie cutter picture of success? Someone who works a regular job, brings her roses once a week and wears a conservative hairstyle?


As a recovering “bad boy addict,” I can personally attest to the joy and pain of riding the bad boy ride and I'm here to shine some light where darkness once existed. There was a period in my dating life where I did not think a man had sex appeal unless he had rough edges. In my mind, DMX was the best thing smokin. Now before you judge me, this was the DMX that did a song with Sisqo; the pre-jail and multiple drug busts DMX if you will. Still judging me? Thats fine. Moving on. During the aforementioned "bad boy" era, if a man did not resemble Damion Marley, he did not get a second look from me. Bad boys have the uncanny ability to wrap you up in their drama and convince you to stand by them through stints in federal prison, drug busts, club fights, babymamas and high speed chases on I-95 O_o. 


Why would a woman subject herself to this? Bow to your sansei, then check out 5 reasons why good girls like bad boys:

1. She wants to taste the forbidden fruit. Women have been blamed for the problems of the world ever since Eve supposedly convinced Adam to take a bite of the forbidden fruit. Bad boys are the modern day version of forbidden fruit.  Even if you did not want it before, as soon as someone tells you it is forbidden the desire for it kicks in. The more the ‘rents tell you to stay away from something, the more your desire to have it increases. Fruit tastes so much sweeter when it forbidden. Beware of fruit who will ride around with illegal substances in the car because both of you will end up arrested. You will learn what its like to rot behind bars. 

2. She wants to piss off her parents. Whats more satisfying for a rebellious spirit than to see the look in her father's eyes when his blood boils? Its not out of spite. Its not to be mean. There is just *something* that makes us draw satisfaction from knowing we are getting under our parents’ skin. Even if the relationship is not that great, we cannot resist the urge to make it seem perfect just for the sake of getting the parental unit worked up.

3. She is going through a "phase." The last guy we dated was a "good" guy and he still ended up breaking our hearts. What do we do? We date the guy who looks the complete opposite of our last beau. In order to rid herself of all feelings for said ex, she turns to the man who is least like him.

4. She is tired of being a "good girl." Good girls are dry and predictable. I imagine its annoying to constantly hear "I knew you would say that" or "I knew thats what you would do." She is always the designated driver. She is always dressed conservatively. Does this sound exciting to you? Of all the titles you could assume in your circle who volunteer to be "the predictable one?" This girl dates bad boys to help her escape the mundane nature of her life. Her bad boy helps her forget her “good girl” title and gives her the chance to walk on the edge. He opens her mind to new things. This is also true for bad boys who date good girls. 

5. She fears a real commitment. We know what the good guys look like. They are safe. They are secure. They are predictable. They will never disrespect you. A woman who fears a comittment will run from these things. The more she dates a man that is the exact opposite of this, the longer she can run from making a commitment. We deny this but actions speak louder than words. Be careful because we may ride this lie until the wheels fall off.  Trying to build something we know wont work is often a sign we are running from something. Bad boys are often emotionally unavailable so commitments (or monogamy) are out of the question. Its hard enough to get him to answer the phone everyday. We invest our time and emotions into empty relationships because we fear what might happen if we met Mr. Right. We offset this by making the bad boys our Mr. Right Now. 

The question I raise today is one that has befuddled blog readers, Youtube watchers, electric sliders and strip club visitors since the debut of the first Law & Order. Perhaps you would like to offer your own answers? Why do you think "good" girls like "bad boys"? Further, why do you think “bad boys” like “good girls?” Who’s Taking Who? Do opposites really attract? The floor is yours...