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Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Talented Generation's Thanksgiving Rules

You've heard it a hunnid times by now: THE HOLIDAYS ARE UPON US. They are so upon us that businesses are erecting Christmas trees and radio stations are playing Christmas music. Don't bother fighting the power, just embrace all of the elements for the next few weeks. If that doesn't work, take comfort in knowing the holiday season makes people nicer. 

As of the past few Thanksgiving holidays, I have realized people get a little crazy and they don't even know it. Their behavior gets irrational and egos end up bruised. Before you carve the turkey and risk getting trampled on Black Friday to save $20 on an iPod, take a few moments and review Talented Generation's Thanksgiving rules. 

DON'T bring your 'holier than thou' vegetarian views to dinner. The holiday season is one of the few times people get to pig out and break their diets without fear of judgment. Don't ruin it with talks of the suffering of the dead animals. Understand we are not bothered when you sit in the corner and eat your cauliflower & beets alone. 

DO ask what is going to be on the menu before you arrive. You don't want a surprise vegetarian meal when you were expecting turkey, chicken and beef. 

DON'T bring a dish to dinner that doesn’t “go” with everything else. If you know the theme is soul food, don’t bring sushi. This is not the time to be different or to try to make your dish stand out by bringing something that doesn’t mesh with the theme. If the theme centers around a traditional Thanksgiving, bring traditional Thanksgiving food or stay at home. Neither you nor your sushi will be missed. 

DO make sure there won’t be too many multiples of the same dish. Everybody can’t bring macaroni and cheese. Everybody can’t cook good macaroni and cheese anyway. Everybody can’t make rice that tastes good. Everyone can’t bake a good sweet potato pie. Too much of one thing means someone will be offended when they realize no one touched their dish. 

DO encourage people to stick to their signature dish. This is NOT the time for people to venture out. If they made the salad for the past 5 years, they are the official salad maker.

DON'T make people wait for the food. If you slated dinner to start at 5pm, people will come ready to eat at 5pm.  

DO make sure everyone knows who made the potato salad. 

DO enforce your RSVP list. You don’t want to give people the opportunity to “crash” your holiday dinners or to bring unexpected and unaccounted-for guests. 

DON'T be afraid to turn "Anti-RSVPers" around AT.THE.DOOR. If you can't respect the RSVP policy, don't bother loading up the car. Keep your non-RSVPing a$$ at home. 

DO make sure everyone knows who-made-what. To avoid a big scene, introduce dishes with the person's name who made it, i.e: "Katherine made the baked beans, Tonya made the potato salad" and so on. This will save a few egos. Trust me. 

DON’T arrive late and then get upset when all the food is gone. 'Nuff said. 

DON’T have the audacity to ask to take the host's Tupperware home with you. Everyone knows about your borrowing tendencies-you don't bring ish back. If you want a to-go plate, your best bet is to bring your own to risk taking home a leaky paper plate wrapped in saran wrap. 

DO have the courage to ASK if its ok for you to bring a dish. Not sure if you need to ask? Here is the standard: If you and your spouse have been together for less than a year, you need to ask OR if you have never cooked a dish for a family get together before, you need to ask too. Chances are, people don't trust your food yet and debuting it at such a large event is not a good idea. Wait until a smaller holiday like Secretary's day.  

DON’T try to skip out before you get a chance to help with clean up. Do this, and your ungrateful a$$ won’t be invited back for Christmas dinner.

DON’T arrive empty handed. Even if the host tells you he/she has everything they need, err on the side of caution and bring something anyway. Ignore this rule and everyone will judge you. Depending on the temperament of your family, you might get called out and kicked out.

DO brainstorm about what you’re thankful for. Nobody likes the person who holds up Thanksgiving dinner because they can’t think of anything decent to share.

DON’T volunteer your house for dinner if its not big enough for the amount of people you’re expecting. Despite what you may think, you can't comfortably entertain 20 people in your studio. 

DO make sure your host site is fully equipped to handle guests. Fully stock everything from toiletries to eating utensils. Make sure everything is clean and in normal working order. People MIGHT not judge you if you run out of forks. They WILL hate you if you run out of toilet paper. 

DO be thankful for everything you have. Even if it isn’t much, there is always always always something to be thankful for. Start with the fact that you have the sanity, intellect and internet access to read through this post. 

Follow these rules or risk certain death. Ok, its not that serious but you get the point. 

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