Letter to A Young Sista

Before I get started, I have to share the inspiration behind this post. Check it here. 


My Precious Young Sista,


First of all let me say that you are beautiful. I believe in you. I see a bright future ahead of you. I want nothing but the best for you. I love you. Yes I mean all of those things even without knowing you. How is this so? Because I know you are worthy of all of those things. I want you to realize that for yourself.


I'm not sure what is going on with you my sista, but it is time for you to snap back to reality.  It seems like my sistas have reached a state of desperation and it is leading to our devastation. All in the name of having a man.

Are you wondering why married men continue to approach you?
Are you wondering why all the wrong men find themselves in your bed?
Are you wondering why only a certain "type" of man try to date you?
Are you wondering why you cant get past McDonald's even on the 5th date?

The answer to all of the above question is BECAUSE YOU ALLOW IT! Men can only push as far as we allow ourselves to be pushed. They continue to cheat because we stay when they do. We allow them to have a "wife on the side." We allow them to disrespect us both in private and in front of our friends and family. We allow them to approach us wearing wedding bands. We allow them to break us down. We allow them to constantly verbally and physically abuse us. Why else would we allow these things to happen? Dont give me any cowsh*t about how you love him and he loves you. Save the bullsh*t about how he "completes" you. Complete yourself!  What part of YOU do you think God left out when he made you?? When you were born, you were blessed with everything you need to be happy.  He gave us a beautiful gift called a woman's intuition and its sad that more of us dont embrace it.

Recognize that men treat the dating game like an African lion treats his hunt on the safari. He lies in wait until the sick & weak antelopes come to the river to drink and then he attacks full throttle. He does not go after the stronger antelopes because they require too much work. The same goes for men. They have a 6th sense to detect the weakest links. This is why they come around in flocks while you are vulnerable and fade to obscurity at your strongest moments.

Understand this: A man who truly loves you will never want to see you cry. He will never want to do anything to hurt you. If he unintentionally hurt you, it will hurt him. He will only want to see you happy and will turn to mush at the very thought that you MIGHT start crying. He seeks not to break you but to help you build & grow. He wants nothing but the best of the best for you. Any man who behaves any other way does not love you.


We know better, but we STILL dont do better. Why do we continue to deal with men who give us half a$$ed relationships?? Why do we continue to accept this from them?


My ears began to bleed after I heard a woman say (with a straight face),

"I really like John but he has a girlfriend. At least he was honest about having a girlfriend. He could have lied to me. So that makes him honest right? I know once he leaves her for me he wont cheat on me me like that"

*blank stare* Yes heffa, I'm BLANK STARING at you right now!


Too often we seek love outside love when we have not learned to love ourselves. How do you know how much you deserve to be loved if you don't love yourself first? How will you gauge what you will tolerate from others if you're not sure how you deserve to be treated. We look in the mirror and we dont like what we see. Instead of changing ourselves & growing to make "self" feel better, we choose to change to prove to someone else we deserve them. In the end, we are still unhappy with ourselves. If we continue to change for the wrong reasons, we will eventually lose ourselves. The first step to learn to love yourself holistically and unconditionally. Love every mole, freckle, cellulite, funny bone, and fiber of your being. Accept that you are a woman and you are emotional. Accept that you are innately nurturing.


Do NOT accept anyone into your life who does not bring you pure joy.
Do NOT compromise your morals or your health for the sake of having a man. 


My observation is that many of us suffer from low self esteem, but we are not prepared to admit it. Black women are expected to be strong, confident, elegant & supportive. Society is not prepared to deal with the breakdown of America's strongest woman. As a proud black woman I understand what its like. We are expected to be strong in moments of adversity and we dare not complain. We are assumed to be the backbone for so many but we often lack a backbone for ourself. We are more likely to keep each other down & be more critical on each other than we are on our white counterparts.


I encourage all of you to uplift each other. If you see a sista struggling, give her a smile and encouraging words. Sincerely assure her "no matter what you are going through my sista, you will get through this." Don't use my words if you can't make it sound genuine. Put your own spin on it and sh*t.  Black women and black men are extensions of each other. To my black men, understand that we are your sisters, your aunts, your mothers and grandmothers. You too must play a role in uplifting today's black woman. People look to you for guidance on how to treat black women. It is your job to lead them in the right direction.


Live your life like its golden! 


All my love & blessings,

Raine L. Gabrielle

P.S. Its so easy to live in our own little world drinking $5 cups of coffee, eating $20 lunches and carrying around thousands of dollars in electronics all while pretending that problems don't exist. Diamond inspired me to mentor young women and I have made a vow to do just that. My sistas are in peril and I can't continue to sleep well at night knowing this. 

Your thoughts?

Model Leomie Anderson Pens an Open Letter, says Racism is Still an Everyday Struggle

Source: Theybf.com

After three years in the industry, 20 year old model Leomie Anderson decided to write an open letter about her experiences. The model of the moment takes a stand as she opens up about "shadeism" and the overtly racist tendencies of the fashion industry. Just as with most other industries, she expresses her frustration with how black models have to work twice as hard as their white counterparts.

"I have been working as a model for more than three years. I’ve been photographed for Italian Vogue, Dazed & Confused and ID. I’ve modelled at Paris, New York and London Fashion Weeks, but I haven’t done Milan Fashion Week. I’ve heard from other black models that it’s much harder to get work in Milan. The successful black girls don’t even bother travelling there for castings, because they know they won’t do as well, even if they’ve walked for great designers in all the other cities. Even people from Milan will say that the fashion market there is very behind. They’d rather stick with what they know.

I’ve only had one racist comment made directly at me. I’d gone to a casting for a London fashion designer, I can’t say who. They just said: “We only want pale-skinned girls to be in our show.” To be honest, I didn’t feel emotional about it. I just thought: “Well, it’s not my fault. That’s their opinion. They are out of date, and in time, they’ll have to change; they can’t continue with that perspective.”

When I started at Premier Models, Carole [White, the founder] warned me that some designers would have outdated views, and that it’s not personal. Annie [Wil shaw, her booker at Premier] is bored with it: she says black girls have to work twice as hard to get picked up. Actually, it made me feel better that they raised the issue with me, that they weren’t awkward about it. And Annie is right: it is a lot harder for us. If a show uses 20 girls, there’ll only be space for two ethnic minorities — if that. There’s nothing to stop a fashion designer using only white girls in a show. There’s no union representation for models, and a designer can do whatever works for them.

Even though it may not be right, fashion portrays what people want to be; it reflects society, it’s the world we live in The preference for white skin seems to happen especially if a designer has been in the industry for a long time. But it’s a generalised mentality among fashion houses — they used to have mostly white customers, so it made sense to have white models, but now there are many more eastern Europeans, Asians and women from the Middle East buying fashion. The houses are struggling to adjust to the new market. It’s also possibly recession-related. In any time of rapid social change, people stick to what they know, and in fashion that’s the white girl.

“Shadeism” definitely exists: there are different attitudes to different shades of black. Lighter-skinned models are used more than darker-skinned ones, and if darker models are used, it tends to be for a traditional African look.

When designers create an African or tribal print, they’ll get a black girl to model it. I’d say I was in the middle of the spectrum — I’m dark-skinned, but I don’t have traditional African features, so I tend not to be stereotyped. There can also be problems with hair and make-up. Hair stylists never pack black hair products, because they don’t expect to see black girls. They can be scared to work with our hair. I wouldn’t call it racism; it’s just that finding real black hair is rare. Make-up is improving — girls such as Jourdan Dunn and Ajak doing well has helped — but sometimes, when my make-up is finished, it doesn’t look as nice as it does on white skin. They don’t know how to adjust to our skin tone.

You’ll find bitchy models, but it’s not because of race, it’s just their personality. I’ve never had any comments that have made me feel uncomfortable. Once you’ve got the job, everyone just behaves normally. I read about James Brown’s comments. [He repeatedly called the black presenter Ben Douglas a nigger and his female companion a nigger’s bitch, following the Baftas ceremony.] Maybe he was trying to be funny, but using that word is not cool, and it’s pretty out of date to find it funny. I’ve actually met James Brown — he was nice and asked me about my mother. He didn’t seem racist to me. When people are drunk, they say things they don’t mean. Things always go wrong when people aren’t in their right mind. Especially if you’re in the public eye, you’ll always get caught out. And if you’re in the public eye, you have a responsibility not to offend.

Even though it may not be right, fashion portrays what people want to be; it reflects society, it’s the world we live in. The idea of fashion looking better on white skin  is associated with an old sense of elitism, yet society has become much more diverse. In time, I think fashion will change.

Fashion is always outrageous, though, and famously politically incorrect. The bitchiness is part of that outrageousness. If fashion stuck to the rules, it wouldn’t be such a big industry. Even if racism went away completely, they would find something else to be outrageous about. I would like to see fashion be more open and less prejudiced to different ethnicities, but it is the way it is because it’s such an exclusive world. Its exclusivity is why people want to be in it. If fashion had a broader perspective of beauty, would there be such a thing as a supermodel?

As it is now, if a black girl does well, it’s seen as more of an achievement. That’s what drives me to succeed. I don’t think talking about racism in fashion will change anything. Even if fashion changes, it’s not going to change the world. I’d rather just have a positive attitude. If I were feeling discriminated against, I might go into a casting thinking I’m not going to get this job.. It’s negativity that will disadvantage me."

I applaud her for her openness. How do you feel about her words? 


You can follow Leomie on twitter @LeLeValentine.