Big Butts & Smiles: 5 Types of Women You Just CAN'T Trust

Since Eve switched her hips and convinced Adam to eat the apple from the Tree of Knowledge, men have been suspicious of women. With more and more studies proving that women are better at more things usually reserved for men, things are getting ugly. 


The media has been relentless in its efforts to re-brand women as more sneaky and less trustworthy. Ok maybe relentless is a strong word. Maybe tenacious? Yea thats better. Back to my point. The shift in depiction has caused women to become more paranoid about the way men-folk and even other women-folk are judging us. The result? Women are even more difficult to understand.  [As if understanding what we mean & knowing we say the opposite of what we mean wasn't difficult enough.]


While I resent studies that prove women are better cheaters or better at being sneaky than men, I must admit the premise of some of them is understandable. There are certain types of women who cannot be trusted. Aside from the type of women who will steal your wallet and help you look for it and those who will try to convince you to hand over your entire paycheck, there are some women you have to keep BOTH eyes on. 


At the risk of being kicked off of my team, here are 5 types of women you just can't trust.

1. Miss "I dont usually do this." Why you can't trust her:  Because there is a 90% chance that she usually does it. She says these words when she is doing something that would cause you to question her character i.e. swinging from chandeliers, giving it up on the first date or catching it on her chest.  She wants to do unmentionable things without being grouped with questionable people. She is cute so you WANT to believe her but she does "it" so well you just can't trust her.  She fears being associated with people who readily admit doing "it." If she was not so hung up on what people think about her, she would admit she is a PRO at doing whatever it is she is denying. You can also bet she does it OFTEN. She wants you to think you have the power to get her to do things she doesn't normally do. Here's a hint: allow her to think you believe her and then let her do her thing. She might be the best you eva had. Word to Drake. 


2. Miss "Determined to Keep my Number Low." Why you can't trust her: She LIES. Wait a minute, let me backtrack a bit. Women are raised to be conservative and ladylike. Well most of us are; some of us are raised by wolves and spartans! *wink* Back to the point. What you get when you ask her about her "number" is a number SHE feels comfortable telling you. Unfortunately, that number is not her true number.


*slaps hand over mouth* Did I just say that?! 


 She's probably created fake rules to justify why some people don't count. When our body count starts to rise, we shave off a few people. That one night rendezvous with Victor from work? It doesn't count. The one time she had sex on a first date? Nope, that doesn't count either.  What about that one time she went to South Beach and did something "stupid?" You guessed it! That doesn't count either. She has lied about her number so many times, she might have forgotten what it really is. She probably stopped counting after she hit the double digits. You can solve this problem and get her true number if you divide her number by 3 and then multiply it by 5. 


3. Miss "I would NEVER  let a man treat me like that." Why you can't trust her: This is a woman who looks at someone else's relationship and criticizes it from the outside looking in. She doesn't understand the intricacies of a relationship but she is always the first to judge and share her feelings. She makes her friends feel bad for giving their beau second chances. If she had her way, she would make you think all of her relationships are perfect, BUT she isn't fooling anyone. The truth is, she will make exceptions for the right man. As soon as she meets one of those smooth Kane Karrying brothas who catches her by surprise she does everything she said she never would. Before you know it, she is constantly making exceptions for him dodging soul piercing *side eyes.* Let's take a trip to the land of truth. We all fall down to that ONE guy who makes us look like an idiot. We make wild exceptions for him and we end up regretting them. Lessons learned. A real woman can own her experience and learn from it.


4. Miss "I dont have any female friends." Why She Can't Be Trusted:  Sisterhood is an integral part of every woman. While it is true that some women simply look for female friends to affirm their foolish behaviors, we all need true sisterhood to feel complete. Regardless of whether her best friend is your mother, the girl you bonded with in elementary school or the 3 women you met in grad school a woman needs a great friend. If she feels more comfortable being "one of the guys" she is one of two things: (1) confused about the way female friendships work or (2) so uncomfortable with her femininity side that she can't embrace female companionship.  If a woman truly cannot bond with other women she has deep issues. If you do not have a female friend, you are missing out on a beautiful experience. We need to connect with other women.We need girl talks and pow-wows. We need someone who can help us rationalize our crazy thoughts. Feeling like "one of the guys" is fun but there is nothing like female companionship. Miss IDHAFF will probably sleep with your best man 2 days before your wedding.

5. Miss "I live beyond my means" Why you can't trust her: She has a distorted view of reality. She is more concerned about what people THINK of her than she is about surrounding herself with people who love her for her true self. She is obsessed with brands and unconcerned about her financial future. Sure we are all tempted to splurge on expensive gifts for ourselves but we know better. She wants to live like Carrie Bradshaw on a Wal-Mart budget. Miss ILBMM is more likely to spend more than she makes and her spending habits can bring you down. She is immature and irresponsible. Don't be blinded by the bling. 


Do you trust chicks with big butts & smiles? What are some things women say or do that make you think you can't trust her? 

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